Steve

- I know that I have more trouble getting posts up than the rest of y’all, ‘cause when I’m at work, I have to work. I am not a salaried blogger like the rest of you.

- Today, however, I have respite. I’m in the hospital surgical waiting room. Linda is having a cholecystectomy. ( I originally thought that all her vomiting was from reading some of your postings.) She will no longer be the same woman I married. Her surgeon is from Chicago and a Bears fan. I sure hope he doesn’t fumble into the super bowel.

- Just last Friday she was here having the hardware removed from her previous ankle surgery. Pretty neat souvenir. I’m putting her in for a Purple Heart.

- I have a dental appointment this evening. There will be a couple more dentist’s children through college on this one. I just hope that after this is all over that I have at least two teeth left, one on top and one on the bottom and that they meet each other when I bite down.
- Our Lab/mutt escaped and was struck by a car on Milton Avenue the other morning. She survived and looks like a real back-room veteran fighting dog. The driver fled the scene, but I could imagine he/she sustained some pretty good damage.

- One of my ‘smarter’ brothers was talking about John Kerry the other day and, although he didn’t directly say so, he really implied that Kerry should have selected Jane Fonda as his running mate. Hmmm, not a bad idea. That could inspire a post all on its own. (‘I’m Fonda/Kerry’ campaign buttons.) It shouldn’t be too hard to get him on a roll at the reunion. Yeah, the one with a pipe.

- Some think that everything in the Universe can be reduced to mathematics. Lately, I’ve attempted to apply this theory to television commercials to calculate via a math formula a proper definition our culture. For example: Enzyte to produce a larger penis PLUS Vagisil to stop feminine itch and to smell nice EQUALS (forgot product name) to decrease the hassle of Herpes. I know I’m on to something here.

I said....

So let me get this straight: rich people got the most benefit from the Bush tax cut, and still ended up paying a higher proportion of taxes?

Bush fails to get deserved credit for tax cut benefits

Is this one of those cultures that's just as good as Western culture?

Death and the maiden in Iran

Make sure you read at least as far as the fourth and fifth paragraphs. There's an unnerving sort of irony there.

Ah, the Olympics: somebody’s gotta finish 4th.

The high five

Has anybody else noticed how many athletes from so many different parts of the world use the high five? I first noticed it during the men's gymnastics - the Romanians, Koreans, Japanese, all of them high-fiving each other. Same with beach volleyball. Has anybody noticed it anywhere else? Basketball? Table tennis? Team rhthmic gymnastics?

I wondered then what the origin of the high-five was - is it an American invention? It is, according to this.

Was it Bush Sr. who got into trouble, doing the peace sign backwards to an Australian protesters? That means to them what the middle finger means to us. There are all kinds of little gestures and reactions that mean entirely different things to people in other parts of the world.

Given that, it just seems odd to see people from different cultures all using the same gesture for the same reason.

Competing for a different country

I've also been noticing a lot of athletes who are competing for countries they weren't born in. I have heard of this kind of thing before, but it seems to be more prevalent this year.

For example, the guy who won the 400 hurdles – he was born in NY, lives in LA, but has Dominican parents and began competing for that country after missing the cut for a previous U.S. Olympic team. He's a big star in the Dominican Republic now. There was a Russian female diver who couldn't compete in Sydney because Russia wouldn’t release her to compete for Australia. This year she did compete for the Aussies. Another Russian diver, competing for Russia, lives in Austin. There are, apparently, several track athletes from Cuba competing for Spain. The U.S. marathoner who got the silver was born in Eritrea, lived there until he was 10, then lived in Italy for several years before moving to the U.S.

Not sure what all that means. I think a "one world" proponent might approve, though.

National Anthem

It was good to see the women's soccer team singing at the tops of their lungs. I told the kids that, if they're ever any kind of public official, you have to sing or say the anthem every time, but if you're an athlete at the Olympics, it's optional. I can't think of a better time to sing and sing loud, though. That's what I would do.

Did you get to see any medal ceremonies where a Greek athlete won the gold? Those people all sung at the tops of their lungs. So did the Israelies, after their guy won a sailing gold.

The time delay

I never did look up the time delay between here and Greece, but I frequently knew the outcomes of the big events before getting home and still watching them (which set me up for some amusing second-guessing after Paul Hamm fell on whatever event that was).

I heard some grumbling about it, but didn't pay close enough attention to know exactly what the problem was. What exactly is the network supposed to do? Show the events as they happen, while we're all at work or asleep? Please.

That said, I have my own gripe. Knowing that everything I'm watching on TV happened hours ago, I would think the network could show us more. For example, one night last week, they went into a long documentary about the Hamm brothers and the whole scoring controversy. This was at about 10:30 pm.

WHY? We already knew about all that. Wasn't there any weightlifting we could watch? Wrestling? Rowing?

Another case: right before the men's 200 meter finals. That's the one where the crowd started booing, because the Greek runner was out after skipping a drug test. Apparently, the newspapers in Greece were saying it was an American plot to get him out.

Oh, please.

This all went on, probably, more than ten minutes. I know, because I watched it. The whole thing. All these guys pacing back and forth.

SHOW ME SOMETHING ELSE. Show me highlights from the gold medal table tennis and badminton matches, instead of all this nothing. Then show me two minutes of booing, explain what's going on, and let me see the race, which by the way was a U.S. sweep, because that's the only way to respond to that sort of situation.

Best news of the Olympics: the gold medal diver from China, according to the commentator, has endorsement deals in China. I wonder what an "endorsement deal" means in Communist China - or maybe I should say not-so-Communist-China-anymore?

Lance

This is where John learned to cook.

Lance

I just love this riddle.

Their are three errers in this sentence. What are they?

Lance

I've got another long Olympics post coming, but for now, just a message to the International Gymnastics Federation: Bite Me.

Steve Re: Just Blather

I have always enjoyed the Olympics a great deal. The rapid improvement in scores and times surely is proof of human evolution in action.

It was probably Jack that got me so interested by recounting his witness to stars such as Jim Thorpe, and later, Jessie Owens. I just go back to Bruce Jenner, Bob Hayes, and Peggy Fleming. (Not to mention that guy that fell off the ski jump!)

My most memorable Olympics was in 1972 in Munich. The U.S. Basketball team was robbed by the Russians. Mark Spitz won those seven gold medals. And of course, the Munich massacre. The Bader-Meinhoff gang of terrorists had bombed several American hangouts in Germany at that time. I was stationed in Stuttgart at the time as an MP at the European Command Headquarters. They directly threatened to bomb us, too. We really upped perimeter patrols and fully inspected each car that entered. One day while I was inspecting underneath cars with my mirror a German National entered on foot and jokingly showed me the underside of his shoes by reflecting them in my mirror, I flashed him the American ‘OK’ sign. In German I was calling him an asshole. Things were a bit awkward, but he backed off at the business end of a .45.

One of my friends pulling temporary duty in Munich was a bodyguard for Spitz since he was Jewish.

My little bar in the barracks basement, called The Cave, sold a lot of 15 cent 1/3 litter bottles of Schwaben Brau. I had a few myself.

Come to think of it, we also had a lot of race riots on posts at that time, too, so we spent a lot of time in full riot gear readied to go quell the uprisings.

You know, I originally had orders for Viet Nam, but they were changed just as I was ready to ship out of Oakland. Crap... I know Kerry was long gone, so I expect there may have been a Purple Heart or two left to be won. It probably would have been less dangerous than Germany.

Oh, yeah, Olympics. Yes, the female beach volleyball uniforms are a little bit over the top. (Pun intended) It probably is California beach tradition more than anything.

Gymnastics. Since the gymno- combining form means 'naked', I perish the thought. However, we may have found out exactly why the Hamm twins have such high voices. One false move on those parallel bars... Besides, I can’t bear the thought of a bunch of old farts, like Jack, ogling 13 year-old girls!

The USOC actually voted against allowing professionals to compete in the Olympics. But since many of the competitors were already pros...

And I don’t really care if the NBA players are a bunch of overpaid, coddled babies. I still hope they kick butt, if for no other reason than to shove it in the faces of all the high faloottin’ American critics. (Overpaid, babbling talking heads with little to say.) I’m not a big fan of ressentiment.

Note to Steve: comments do not count as posts.

And Voldemort is the bad guy in the Harry Potter novels.

Olympic Thoughts with Lance

Gymnastics:

Does anybody else not give a rat's butt about this hissyfit over scoring in the men's gymnastics? Or is it just me? I don't trust these sports that rely on scoring, anyway. I just like watching it. I mean, what kind of mutant freak do you have to be to do some of those things?

The women (girls, rather) are impressive enough. How can those little bitty girls jump that high?

But the men - holy crap. Humans can't really do those rings routines, can they? And on the floor exercises: when they do that sorta-breakdancing thing, supporting themselves just on their hands. Give that a try. Just sit, legs straight out, and push yourself completely off the floor. I can do it, for a few seconds, with my legs bent, but I almost ruptured myself in two places trying.

About those Hamm brothers - did they have an accident with a helium balloon when they were young, or what?

Commentators:

Does anybody else wish they could turn the TV commentators off, and turn on the radio for Wayne Larrivee and Larry McCarren? Or better yet, Jim Irwin and Max McGee?

Beach Volleyball:

I haven't watched too much of the women's beach volleyball. It looks like a really exciting sport, but I feel like such a voyeur. Why do the women wear bikinis to play this? There's got to be some competitive advantage, right? World class athletes don't wear things just to wear them - they look for every little edge.

If so, the men should probably strip down some, too. I mean, come on, guys, take off the shirts. A little something for the ladies, here. And other sports should follow suit. Track and field athletes are wearing a lot less these days. And how about tennis? If beach volleyball players get an advantage from wearing bikinis, wouldn't tennis players get the same advantage?

Or maybe they're thinking more about their post-athletic modeling careers.

Track:

I watched the 1500 meters last night - that anorexic-looking guy from Morocco won. They're running this race in about 3:30 now. I see that this year is the 40th anniversary of somebody breaking the 4-minute mile. That means we should be breaking the 3-minute mile right around the year 2044.

In case you were wondering, it won't be me that does it.

Miscellaneous:

Bring back the college basketball players.

Synchronized diving should be banned, because there are far too many men wearing speedos and hugging each other.

Lance

I think we need a new rule. Everybody's got to post at least once each week.

Saw a new bumper sticker: Republicans for Voldemort. Ha.

Steve Re: Caption Contest... or.. How much groaning and eye rolling can you stand?

Picture #1: "If I stick the landing, I can get a perfect '10' and win the Purple Medal!"

Picture #2: (I learned this quality of humor from Jack!) "We may be behind in the polls, but we can ketchup, 'cause we're on a Tootsie Roll!

Todd

Dad, jokes: go here.

Lance, caption contest: "here's how I got my second Purple Heart!"

Here's a joke for Todd: "There are 10 different kinds of people in this world -- those who understand binary and those who don't."

Steve Re: A moment of non-silence in recognition of the E. F. Hutton comment.

Lance: I never cease to be amazed at people's hypersensitivity and responses to seemingly innocuous or humorous statements.

While living in Georgia, I befriended many of varying ilks. After publication of your 'Kerry is such a goober' comment, I have been deluged with irate rantings from several Georgians and South Carolinians from my past. One Gullah-speaking acquaintance, from whence originated the word 'goober', told me, "Uma chil' nyamnyam fufu an t'ree roll-roun', but 'e ain't been satisfy!" (The girl ate mush and three bisquits [heard Kerry and Edwards], but she wasn't satisfied!)

The Georgia Peanut Lobby was the most vociferous, however, but they were not unified. (Some smooth, some chunky.) Most were offended that the noble peanut was associated with Kerry, but the Jimmy Carter wing of the lobbying group thought that your very comment was the reason that Kerry/Edwards would win. A radical group, calling themselves 'Carverites', claimed that Kerry's flip-flopping equated him well with the versatile Arachis hypogaea.

Billy Carter could not be sobered up enough for an intelligible comment.

You guys wanna have a caption contest? (The pictures take a minute to load.)


John Kerry, demonstrating his Iraq position to reporters.

Hollywood takes its love of the Democrats a little too far.

LANCE

This is the One-Hundredth Post on Grandpa John's. Beatcha.

Lance

Here's another video - this one put together by the RNC. It shows Senator Kerry's position on Iraq, and how that position has changed over the past 6-7 years.

Go to: www.KerryOnIraq.com, and click on one of the links under "Watch Now!" to the right of the television screen.

I wonder what it must be like, to be the sort of person who can do this. Granted, every politician will sway with the breeze to one degree or another. But to go from one extreme to the other, with no visible explanation other than political advantage: hard to imagine.

Lance again.

If you haven't seen this yet, you've got to click on the link right now. All it needs are some old-style Batman BAM! and WHAM! graphics.

Lance

Remember those old E.F. Hutton commercials, where one guy says "Well, my broker is E.F. Hutton, and he says..." and everything around him stops, as dozens of people lean in to hear what E.F. Hutton has to say?

I had an E.F. Hutton moment yesterday, at church. There's an elderly woman who goes to my church who just hates Michael Moore - goes on and on about Farenheit 911, and how Moore went out of his way to make the President look like an idiot. Anyway, I sat down near her after services yesterday, and she brings the subject up again. Another woman gets up, disgusted (in a friendly sort of way), and says "you must be a Bush fan."

Elderly woman #1 says yep. Elderly woman #2 says she hopes Bush gets creamed. I pipe in, saying "He won't, you know."

It wasn't quite like the commercials - every single sound didn't stop, but it was really funny the way everybody kind of looked over at me, to see why I think Bush is going to win.

So I gave them what they wanted. "Kerry's such a goober."

Steve Re: Holy Balls!

Survival of the fakest is similar to many of the ways talk show hosts twist things and only tell half truths.

Wells has a P.H.D. in Cellular and Molecular Biology from Cal-Berkeley. His article was well written and his arguments soundly backed. Comparing him to a talk show host in a negative manner and claiming the use of half truths are ‘arguments’ without backing. (Nonarguments)

Many of the specifics he [Darwin] theorized have been proven wrong, but the general theories have been upheld. At any rate there is more evidence upholding his work then the and "POOF" it was so theory of creationists!

I don’t believe that his general theories have been upheld nor do I think that the evolutionary model explains the known data nearly as well as does the creation model.

How have Darwin's general theories been upheld? (By faith is an acceptable answer, but I really expect somewhat more.)

Steve Re: Miscellaneous Lepidopterans

I’ve heard John Kerry referred to as the ‘French-urian Candidate’. Surely Doug LaFollette couldn’t have done better than that!

Jack, half-truths and innuendo are not the sole property of people like Dan Rather, Carl Sagan, and James McCarville. I suspect Rush Limbaugh to have used that technique once, maybe twice in his stellar 16 year career as well. Although the liberals have nearly cornered that market, they have not yet amassed a total monopoly.

Biston betularia. Canis familiaris. Clarence Milquetoast, a 98 pound weakling, has a son who gets a job on a farm and becomes a 198 pound stud. (He’s a liberal, so he’s still a pusillanimous weakling.) This example of natural selection somehow lends credence to the evolutionary hypocrises?

Jean, Jack, Jerry, Steve, & Jim– run the gamut of intelligence, appearance, physical abilities, and style. In the cold, cruel pristine world some would have been naturally selected out in a hurry. (I suspect that, in reality, only one would have survived!)(Only one, in reality, did survive to actual adult maturity– the rest devolved to Homo halibutts.)

The changes in the Biston betularia coloration patterns don’t show a successful mutation, nor does it indicate a potential change of species. Just like Canis familiaris, Chihuahua to Great Dane, these characteristics are already present in the gene pool.

I don’t care what the erudite say. Jack should still be classified as a Homo sapien.

Lance

Fulfilling a yet-unrealized dream, I quoted Inigo Montoya in today's column.