God Bless those blessed little tax deductions!

SEATTLE - December is a busy month for hospitals, in part because some doctors are helping parents make sure their little tax deductions are born before the new year begins.

How did smaller county boards become the standard conservative position?

I remember it was an issue in Milwaukee, following the pension scandal and the Ament resignation - Scott Walker ran (in small part) on the issue of a smaller board. Was it before then, too?

Now it's resurfacing in Waukesha County, where Dan Vrakas is being urged to give it a go. James has the latest volley over at Wigderson Library & Pub. I'd tell you to go read his post, but considering his traffic numbers, you probably already have.

Conservatives should ask themselves three basic questions, I think:

1. Will it save money? Well, yes, but only so far as payroll is reduced, and even that may not apply in (to pick a random example) Sauk County, where supervisors draw a couple hundred dollars a month, at most.

2. Will it improve oversight of the government? No, it won't. Fewer people can't do the same job as more people. Fewer brains working and eyes reading means fewer questions thought of and asked.

Less oversight means more power for the bureaucracy. Is that our goal?

Granted, there are plenty of county supervisors who are just filling a chair. We're not getting good oversight from them as it is. But making the board smaller won't change that.

3. Does it improve the voters' access to and control of government? No, it doesn't. Each vote will mean marginally less, when districts are made larger.

One more: will it be harder for members of a smaller board to stay "relatively anonymous" (as James puts it)?

I dunno, but: how many members of your local town board, city council, and school board can you name? How many of your neighbors know who their state and federal representatives are?

Seems to me this issue is becoming a conservative foil - a wedge issue for a good conservative to use against a go-along-to-get-along Board that's grown fat spending the taxpayers' money.

But I think success on this issue has more potential to run counter to conservative ideals.

New Year's Resolutions in the White House

Scrappleface lists President Bush's resolutions for the New Year.

-Lose weight
-Exercise more
-Get organized
-Get out of debt
-Quit Smoking
-Listen more
-Recycle more
-Learn new languages

Of course, Scott gives more detail about each.

Pith Packed Pointed Precepts

-"How much difference would it have made if the professional humanitarian bureaucracy had gone to the Riviera for the month after the tsunami?" Mark Steyn

-"The Left has a narrow tent." Study by Daniel Klein of George Mason U. And Charlotta Stern of Stockholm U. Surveying 1208 academics’ views on 18 policy issues.

-"Americans have responsibilities, Europeans have attitudes." Mark Steyn

Little Sir Echo: HOW DO YOU DO?... How Do You Do?

Democratic Think Tank: Shall we continue forward with our progressive political thrust to build a bridge into the 22nd Century?




You can if you want, but don't tie your anchor rope around my ankles.

Didn't Leave Him Cookies; Let Him Meet Morgan




Santa had a Merry Christmas, too!

Ott Excerpted

From ACLU Slams Covert Assault on Civil Rights

By Scott Ott, Editor-in-Chief, ScrappleFace.com
News Fairly Unbalanced. We Report. You Decipher.

...These news media psy-ops,” an ACLU spokesman said, “may protect the privacy of some government insiders, but they run the risk of robbing the rest of us of our most treasured rights — life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Privacy is of little value to the dead.”...

What I Did on my Christmas Vacation

It has been quite an eventful holiday season. I had the pleasure of a full week's vacation, a rare occurrence. On the second day I was flattened with the flu. As that subsided, the ceramic at the base of our upstairs toilet cracked causing the loss of integrity of the bowel's wax seal. I will refuse comment on the situation in the kitchen directly below. (Also... no one had better brave jokes about Linda's cooking...)

After picking up a new toilet, I began to remove the original, and during this procedure, I sliced a 1/4 inch circular portion of skin from the knuckle near the tip of my left index finger. That wouldn't have been any problem, except for the fact that it bled like a severed jugular vein. It bled for over 6 hours; throughout the whole toilet replacement, during the trip to the grocery store (more band-aids and paper towels- the cashier and bagger put on rubber gloves during check out), and a second trip to the hardware store for a tubing correction. (During one trip, a step-daughter saw the bloody pile of paper towels and thought that I must have gone to the emergency room to reattach my arm or something.) Nonetheless, the toilet transplant was finally a flushing success.

As I admired my fine work and marvelled at my fine skills, so heightened since I am technically responsible for putting the 'monkey' moniker in monkey wrench and can easily stretch a five minute task into a full three days, I felt a chill. Thinking that perhaps my flu had not entirely run its full course, I thought little of it... for a second. Then I remembered that when it was nearing time to install the new commode, I situated the new wax seal near a heater vent to insure that it was warm enough to 'flow' into every necessary nook and cranny, but the heat hadn't turned on to do my bidding. Upon further review I discovered that our furnace was out and wouldn't recover even under my great mechanical tutelage. As my chosen furnace technician didn't answer his page, we spent the night dreaming of Sir Edmund Hillary.

When contacted the next morning, Troy was able to make the service call by 10:30 AM. After a few professional pokes, prods, and hammer blows (the very same ones I had done the previous night, albeit in amateurish manner), he expected that we needed a new igniter, but had to go pick the proper one up. Upon replacing that, we had a pilot flame, but still no inferno. We decided to replace the gas regulator. (Ka-ching, ka-ching) After returning from another 'part run', he replaced the regulator. Still... only the pilot ignited. "Never had that happen before." He went back into the bowels of the furnace and made an adjustment to the igniter. Bingo! Central heat! What a marvelous idea.

As Troy was picking up to go he asked if I wanted to keep the old parts. Since the final correction of the problem was with the igniter, I thought to ask how we knew the regulator was bad. He deemed that it was a good question. (The new one cost $175) He decided to leave it on our furnace rather than take the time to replace the old one. At any rate, we have heat and I dodged an extra $175 charge.

As I sat down to enjoy our rapidly warming house basking in the glow of my toiletry and infernal successes, I remembered that on my last potty-part run I smelled a gas leak in my car. Of course,... now it's snowing. I think I'll call Sir Edmund and see if I can borrow an extra dog sled.

Yesterday I also completed contract negotiations for my next year of work. Since I was already bleeding, I signed it in my own blood. One article that we agreed upon was more yearly vacation. I think I'll call my boss back and see if we can rescind that portion.

The 2006 Rose Bowl

The University of Texas, rated #2, challenges the top-ranked, three-peat attempting University of Southern California for the National Championship in Pasadena's Rose Bowl game.

The Longhorns and the Trojans... That outta give the Freudians, pornographers, and 'safe sex' advocates a lot of fodder.

Water Over the Bridge

Pat Santy quotes from Stephen Hicks' book, Explaining Postmodernism, outlining Leftist political strategy; Using contradictory discourses.

In postmodern discourse, truth is rejected explicitly and consistency can be a rare phenomenon. Consider the following pairs of claims.

- On the one hand, all truth is relative; on the other hand, postmodernism tells it like it really is.

- On the one hand, all cultures are equally deserving of respect; on the other, Western culture is uniquely destructive and bad.

- Values are subjective--but sexism and racism are really evil

- Technology is bad and destructive--and it is unfair that some people have more technology than others.

- Tolerance is good and dominance is bad--but when postmodernists come to power, political correctness follows.

There is a common pattern here: Subjectivism and relativism in one breath, dogmatic absolutism in the next.

That just about hits the nail on the thumb.

Heretics

In a December 20, 2005 opinion handed down by the U.S. Court of Appeals, 6th Circuit, on the case ACLU v. Mercer County, KY, the Court determined a County Courthouse display that included the Ten Commandments constitutional. Interestingly, the written opinion also slapped the ACLU's face.

Following are some excerpts from the 14 page opinion:

"The ACLU seeks to enjoin the County from displaying an exhibit in its courthouse that includes a copy of the Ten Commandments."

Unlike McCreary County, we conclude that the Mercer County display lacks a religious purpose and further conclude that it does not endorse religion.

On October 9, 2001, Carroll Rousey, a Mercer County resident, requested permission to hang a display entitled “Foundations of American Law and Government” in the County Courthouse. The display was to include the Mayflower Compact; the Declaration of Independence; the Ten Commandments1; the Magna Carta (in two frames); the Star-Spangled Banner; the National Motto “In God We Trust” and the Preamble to the Kentucky Constitution (one frame); the Bill of Rights; and Lady Justice.

He stated that the purpose for erecting the “Foundations” display was that “all of the documents, including the Ten Commandments, have played a role in the formation of our system of law and government. . . . [The] display is not intended [to], nor does it, endorse or promote religion. It simply acknowledges our
history.”

(In contrast to an earlier decision to find a McCreary County, KY, display unconstitutional) The Mercer County display, on the other hand, lacks a similar sectarian pedigree. Here, there was only one display, one authorizing measure, and one implementation, all of which demonstrate a secular purpose.

Instead, it is supported by context, including the explanatory document and the eight other objectively historical and secular documents. A reasonable observer
would not view this display as an attempt by Mercer County to establish religion. Instead, he would view it for what it is: an acknowledgment of history.

Mercer County authorized the posting of nine documents in its courthouse in an attempt to recognize American legal history. It is of course not unusual for a government to educate the public in this manner; in fact, it is commonplace. As a general matter, then, an historical display in a courthouse would not set off alarms in the objective observer. Thus, to be problematic, there must be something more to signal a predominantly religious purpose. But the Mercer County display, in
this context, does not contain any overtly sectarian messages. While several of the documents refer to the Deity, it would be unreasonable, ipso facto, to interpret those as evidencing a religious purpose. By including the Ten Commandments in a display of American legal documents, the County is merely acknowledging the Commandments’ historical influence. We generally defer to the government’s rational judgment of what is historically relevant.

The Supreme Court has said repeatedly that the Ten Commandments have historical importance.

Rather, the inquiry here is whether the reasonable person would conclude that Mercer County’s display has the effect of endorsing religion.

These nine documents, along with the explanatory text, send the “unmistakable message” of the County’s acknowledgment of legal history.

And the ACLU, an organization whose mission is “to ensure that . . . the government [is kept] out of the religion business,”16 does not embody the reasonable person.

The ACLU’s argument contains three fundamental flaws. First, the ACLU makes repeated reference to “the separation of church and state.” This extra-constitutional construct has grown tiresome. The First Amendment does not demand a wall of separation between church and state.

Second, the ACLU focuses on the religiousness of the Ten Commandments. No reasonable person would dispute their sectarian nature, but they also have a secular nature that the ACLU does not address. That they are religious merely begs the question whether this display is religious; it does not answer it.

Third, the ACLU erroneously–though perhaps intentionally–equates recognition with endorsement. To endorse is necessarily to recognize, but the converse does not follow.

We will not presume endorsement from the mere display of the Ten Commandments. If the reasonable observer perceived all government references to the Deity as endorsements, then many of our Nation’s cherished traditions would be unconstitutional, including the Declaration of Independence and the national motto. Fortunately, the reasonable person is not a hyper-sensitive plaintiff. See Washegesic ex rel. Pensinger v. Bloomingdale Pub. Sch., 33 F.3d 679, 684 (6th Cir.
1994) (Guy, J., concurring) (describing the “eggshell” plaintiff as unknown to the Establishment Clause). Instead, he appreciates the role religion has played in our governmental institutions, and finds it historically appropriate and traditionally acceptable for a state to include religious influences, even in the form of sacred texts, in honoring American legal traditions.

I believe the ACLU once actually did defend American civil liberties. It, however, has long since become the moonbat spearhead.

It is good to see a judge state, "This extra-constitutional construct has grown tiresome."

The 2006 Draft

Feels a little defeatist to be talking about this now, but...if Houston wins this Sunday, and New Orleans, the NY Jets, and Green Bay all lose this Sunday, there will be five teams finishing the season with only 3 wins each (that includes San Francisco, which plays Houston this week).

The tiebreaker for draft purposes is strength of schedule, and according to this story, New Orleans will have the lowest strength of schedule, meaning they win! Um...I mean...they get the first pick.

But New Orleans just gave RB Shawn Alexander a $50 million contract. Odds are they won't want another running back, which means USC's Reggie Bush, being touted as The Guy this year, will fall to the #2 pick.

Which, under this scenario, means Green Bay.

Whether or not they should take him, I leave to you, gentle readers, to decide for yourselves. As Grandpa John suggested to me over the Christmas weekend (yes, he really does exist in real life - just not here on the Internet), Bush has been running through enormous offensive line-created holes all year. No wonder his stats are so good.

Would that success translate to the NFL? Time will only tell.

For myself, I'm intrigued by the possibility of trading down, and gaining several more mid- to late-round picks. After all: Mark Tauscher - 7th round pick; Ahmad Carroll - 1st round pick.

Steve, I think you can beat this!

Radhakant Bajpai, 50, of Naya Ganj, India, is one of many medical record breakers to make their way into this year's Guinness World Records Book.

The hair sprouting from his outer ears measures 13.2cm (5.19 inches) at its longest point and was confirmed by Dr R P Gupta.

Mr Radhakant said: "God has been very kind to me."

Look out, ladies, he's handsome too!

The Badgers and the NFL

Since coach Barry Alvarez has coached Badger football, Wisconsin has featured a power running game. He has been very successful in accomplishing this. Thousand yard rushers became a dime-a-dozen. The passing game has always proved quite weak in comparison.

It is quite surprising to me that Badger running backs have had so little success in the NFL. It is even more surprising, however, that other skill positions have proved themselves very well in the pros. Receivers Lee Evans and Chris Chambers have proved to be impact players for the Bills and the Dolphins, respectively. I am nearly stunned that quarterbacks Brooks Bollinger and Jim Sorgi have even made an NFL squad, let alone done as well as they have. Bollinger has lead a poor Jets team admirably and Sorgi has Manning so fearful of losing his starting role that he has been pushed into superstardom.

So if the trend holds true, I will predict that Owen Daniels, Jonathan Orr, Brandon White, and Brandon Williams will catch on in the NFL and become All-Pro. Similarly, John Stocco will eventually become league MVP and Super Bowl MVP. Unfortunately, Brian Calhoun may play a few years, but without distinction.

Matt Bernstein and several offensive lineman will continue the Badger legacy of smashing open running lanes.

Perhaps the Alvarez offensive scheme can be likened to that of the Denver Broncos. One could plug in a good running back into the scheme and allow him to gain great running statistics.

There is no logic for the success of former Badger quarterbacks.

The Comedian of Edinburgh

John Ray lists some politically incorrect quotes by the Duke of Edinburgh. Here are a few examples:

Speaking to a driving instructor in Oban, Scotland: "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?"

During the 1981 recession: "Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed."

Sharing a joke with a blind, wheelchair-bound girl with a guide-dog: "Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?"

Talking to young deaf people in Cardiff about the school's steel band: "Deaf? If you are near there, no wonder you are deaf."

During a 1984 visit to Kenya, he's presented with a small gift from a native woman: "You are a woman, aren't you?"

Speaking to a student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea: "You managed not to get eaten then?"

At a 1986 World Wildlife Fund meeting: "If it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it."

Truth About Stonehenge Discovered

In a strange twist of events, all debate concerning Stonehenge has been solved by Americans. True enlightenment has come with the simplicity befitting Occam's Razor.



Drawn from information gleaned from an article in Wikipedia:

Introduction

Stonehenge is a Neolithic and Bronze Age monument located near Amesbury in the English county of Wiltshire, about 8 miles (13 km) northwest of Salisbury. It is composed of earthworks surrounding a circular setting of large standing stones, known as megaliths. There is some debate about the age of the stone circle, but most archaeologists think that it was mainly constructed between 2500 BC and 2000 BC. The older circular earth bank and ditch, which constitute perhaps the earliest phase of the monument, have been dated to about 3100 BC.

Dating and understanding the various phases of activity at Stonehenge is not a simple task; it is complicated by poorly-kept early excavation records, surprisingly few accurate scientific dates and the disturbance of the natural chalk by periglacial effects and animal burrowing.

Phases of Development

Phase 1. This first stage is dated to around 3100 BC after which the ditch began to silt up naturally. The pits may have contained standing timbers although there is no excavated evidence of them.

Phase 2. Evidence of the second phase is no longer visible.

Phase 3i. Again, there is little firm dating evidence for this phase. The Heel Stone (5) may also have been erected outside the north eastern entrance during this period although it cannot be securely dated and may have been installed at any time in phase 3.

Phase 3ii. They are difficult to date but are morphologically similar to later Bronze Age weapons. This ambitious phase is radiocarbon dated to between 2440 and 2100 BC.

Phase 3iii. Later in the Bronze Age, the bluestones appear to have been re-erected for the first time although the precise details of this period are still unclear.

Phase 3iv. Some archaeologists argue... The Altar Stone may have been...

Phase 3v. ...Bluestone circle was removed...

Phase 3vi. These were each of thirty pits and each seems... Monument building at Stonehenge appears to have been...

Archaeoastronomy

It is unlikely that such an alignment can have been merely accidental.

Their theories have faced criticism in recent decades from Richard Atkinson and others who have suggested impracticalities in the 'Stone Age calculator' interpretative approach. Today, the consensus is that some of the astronomical case, although not all, was overstated. This alignment, therefore, must have been fundamental to the design and placement of at least some of Stonehenge's phases.

Ritual Landscape

There is no satisfactory evidence to suggest that Stonehenge's astronomical alignments were anything more than symbolic and current interpretations favour a ritual role for the monument that takes into account its numerous burials and its presence within a wider landscape of sacred sites.

Construction Techniques and Design

Much speculation has surrounded the engineering feats required to build Stonehenge.

Conclusion

...a symbol of something that continues to confound mainstream archaeology.

We are confounded no longer. A recent Pennsylvania court ruling has settled all debate once and for all. Whatever one's personal belief concerning the erection and meaning of Stonehenge, it has now been determined officially that Stonehenge is a product of Chance Evolution and not Intelligent Design.

Next case! All bow... Court is now in session.

That Intersection Needs a Traffic Light



(H.T. Wicked Thoughts.)

Precocious



(H.T. The Discerning Texan.)

Have I Found Osama?
Awaiting Confirmation



REWARD
The Rewards For Justice Program, United States Department of State, is offering a reward of up to $25 million for information leading directly to the apprehension or conviction of Usama Bin Laden. An additional $2 million is being offered through a program developed and funded by the Airline Pilots Association and the Air Transport Association.





Wafah Dufour ... as she appears in GQ. Photo: Reuters

The Sydney Morning Herald gives the 'story'.

She's not the model niece Osama bin Laden's looking for - but she is modelling. This is how Wafah Dufour, the al Qaeda leader's niece, will appear in the January 2006 issue of GQ magazine.

Dufour, who took her mother's maiden name after the terrorist attacks in the US on September 11, 2001, is an aspiring musician struggling to make a name for herself.

She says she has never met Osama bin Laden. "Everyone relates me to that man, and I have nothing to do with him," she said in the article. "There are 400 other people related to him, but they are all in Saudi Arabia, so nobody's going to get tarred with it. "I'm the only one here."

I suspect that Wafah is Osama after 'Gender Reassignment'. He's hidden in plain sight.

My $27,000,000 reward may be sent to... No, wait! I don't want 'relatives' to be oozing from the woodwork. (Grandpa John might even start blogging again!) I'll contact you.

Saddam Claims Abuse by U.S. Captors

Three weeks after complaining to the Court that he didn't receive changes of collared shirts and underwear, Saddam Hussein claimed that he had been abused by American prison guards.

A spokesman for the U.S. military prison stated in response, "There is absolutely no truth to either of these charges. Prisoner #666 is issued clean panties to be placed over his head daily and a fresh change of dog collar every other day. We have the pictures to prove it."

Moonbats, Democrats, and Other Cool Cats

It is common for people to admire and emulate others. Often these role models are Hollywood or Pop stars or other cool, famous people. My observations over the past decade have been able to uncover the role models of the Democrats of the far Left. These have assimilated the characteristics of three famous persons of recent memory.

The first Leftist/Progressive role model is Rodney King. Like Mr. King, the Lefties stand up for their rights in the face of overwhelming odds in confronting the bourgeois, 'law and order' standards of our unenlightened culture. They persist even while getting the crap kicked out of them. Then they sue. When things go badly as a result of their actions, they show their magnanimous natures by tearfully pleading, "C-c-can't we all just get along?"

The second Moonbat role model is Pop star Michael Jackson. They just loves the children. The 'truth' that they have created is a 'Never Never Land' of promise for the children. Never mind the accusations of abuse. Others harbor false consciousness, a prescientific narrative, and are superstitious about the pleasures of Jesus Juice. Moreover, the greatest Jacksonian model adapted by the Left is his famed 'Moonwalk'. Here they give all appearances of walking forward while actually sliding backward; 'The Moonbat Moonwalk', the mirage of progress.

The third Progressive role model is the most obvious. It is a character found in a 007 movie. No, not Bond, James Bond... It's Galore, Pussy Galore.

Michael Moore? His role model has always been Jabba the Hutt.

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college.

Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and was very much in favor of the redistribution of wealth. She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the addition of more government welfare programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father.

He responded by asking how she was doing in school. Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, "How is you friend Audrey doing?"

She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus, college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over."

Her wise father asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA."

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair! I have worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!"

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

The War on Christmas

Ann Althouse:

...yesterday, when some shopkeepers said "Happy Holidays" to me and I said "Merry Christmas," I had the disgusting feeling that we had just engaged in a political argument!

That's how I feel about it, too. Unfair suppression of Christian expression does happen in our country, but this "War on Christmas" is beginning to take on a very Jesse Jackson poor-oppressed-me identity politics feel.

Ann also links to a very angry, bitter column by Christopher Hitchens, which includes this interesting note:

...it was exactly this paganism and corruption that led Oliver Cromwell—my own favorite Protestant fundamentalist—to ban the celebration of Christmas altogether.

I believe he's referring to the materialism of the modern Christmas season, and the use of pseudo-pagan symbols like trees. I have no idea if that's historically true. Steve? Tee Bee? Al?

Lieberman: A Demonstrative Man

Thought this 'Day By Day' cartoon by Chris Muir was pretty good.



(H.T. The Discerning Texan.)

James Lileks again, this time finding the silver lining in four-days-until-Christmas shopping:

Went shopping. I suppose this is where I should drop the pre-fab whine about parking, crowds, commercialism, and the grating nature of pre-fab holiday music. Oh for the old days, when a man could walk down the snow-choked alleys on Christmas Eve, taking care not to make eye contact with his betters, pushing aside the ragged beggars with their oozing carbuncles and the haggard gin-blasted pox-ridden doxies who chew your unholstered parts for a farthing. Oh for the honest Christmases, when you’d buy a goose and take it home and spend your week’s salary getting the stove hot enough to cook the thing. Remember the year little Tim pitched in his crutch so we could have enough heat to crisp the duck? Merry times, merry times. Now let us sing a carol and thank our stars we do not have to drive self-propelled machines - complete with auto-heat and magical devices that pluck music and voices from the very either - to great broad sheds filled with goods unimaginable. It seems like a wonderland, children, but every Eden has its snake; there are other people there, and they oft do not comport themselves as we would wish. And the songs from unseen minstrels, while short and endlessly variable, are often contrary to our aesthetic preferences. No, be happy we are here together in our perfect Victorian times. Now throw another volume of Dickens on the fire; it grows cold, and Father cannot lose but two more toes.

Personally, I love the chaos of shopping right before Christmas. I suppose it would be different if I weren't almost all done already, but...big breath in...hold it...and...ahhhhhhh. The smell of raw capitalism. Is there a finer scent in all creation?

I love Foxtrot.

High Tech Gob Stopper

A report by Hannah Edwards in the Sydney Morning Herald of December 18, 2005, tells of a service offered by Virgin Mobile.

Drink-diallers off the hook

A PHONE company has moved to protect would-be drinking diallers from themselves. Owners are able to block key numbers until 6am, saving them from drunken phone indiscretions.

Virgin Mobile's Dialling Under the Influence service has been used 10,000 times since it was launched last December. One dialler used it 250 times in one month. Owners simply dial 333, followed by the number of the person- such as a lover or the boss - they shouldn't speak to while tipsy.

Virgin Mobile's spokeswoman Kerry Parkin said calls to the service would peak during the Christmas silly season.

The service, which costs 25 cents a call, was launched after an online survey found 95 per cent of respondents were guilty of dialling while drunk.

(H.T. Wicked Thoughts.)

I strongly suspect that some I.S.P.'s and even Blogger are offering this service as well. It is widely rumored that Grandpa John himself uses this service to keep him out of Lance Burri's malicious line of fire. Many have also supposed that Todd uses it regularly to cover up a substance problem as well. And everyone knows that tee bee has never even considered using it. (Perhaps Watson will recommend it.)

Al seems to have been using this function alot lately, too. There was a time that he got on our cases in his first comment with a heavy hand when our posting level slowed down. I don't think he's been abusing, but maybe just having flashbacks from the '60's.

This is why I read Lileks:

Yesterday I drove to Target ... and there was no place to park except the outer realms of the lot; the wind was blowing me-by-north-me, and seemed intent on keeping me from the warm red womb of Mother Target. I pressed on. Once inside I did the card, then got a cart for shopping. They’d just brought in a herd from the pens outside, and the handles of the cart were too cold to touch. I used my coat sleeves. I looked around and saw everyone else in the area pushing carts with coat sleeves. One of those things you just accept, I guess; I suppose in Arizona the cart handles burn your flesh off. It’s all a trade-off.

The Secret: Just Don't Die!

Back in the day when I was a vegan, regular faster, and religious exerciser, I recall an old Dannon Yogurt commercial that featured some very old folks from a part of Russia or the Ukraine. These folks were over 90 or 100 years old and remained active and spry. And whaddayaknow, these ate yogurt as a good portion of their diets. I researched to find out more about these people and how they lived. Needless to say I was quite surprised to find out that they also were regular cigar smokers and quite heavy vodka drinkers. Thus was the beginning of the end to that leg of my quest for eternal, healthy life.

The November, 2005, issue of National Geographic has the cover picture and story entitled, "The Secrets of Living Longer." It features long living people groups from Okinawa, Sardinia, and American Seventh Day Adventists. The lifestyles of these three groups are quite varied, and have few things in common. Nonetheless, the article lists a few 'dos' and 'don'ts'. Among these are putting family first, keeping active and socially engaged, eating fruits, veggies, and whole grains, and not smoking.(You know... the same stuff your mother was telling you 40 years ago!)

The quote that proved most germane to the whole article was one from 103 year-old Sardinian, Giovanni Sannai. His erudite summation stated, "Nobody knows why people like me live so long, and neither do I." (Which leads me to believe that Giovanni is a conservative. If he were a liberal he would have reams of advice for everyone to follow.)

Research in Catabolic Steroids from the Soviet Archives

An old friend of mine, an old lab assistant that I named Igor, recently e-mailed some recently unearthed reports obtained from archives located in an old Moscow dungeon. Basically, it related the 'chemical warfare' plot of the old Soviets upon selected groups of Americans. The chemical directed for use was the steroid, Oxymethamoronalone.

I had recollected isolating this 'roid' in tissue samples that I had obtained while in the Service in West Germany and analyzed after returning to the U.S. This analysis, coupled with the information found in the Soviet documentation produced some intriguing results.











The Soviet research report noted that they had tested Oxymethamoronalone on its athletes and soldiers in the late sixties and early seventies and found that it produced an enhancement in energy levels and performance, but also that its metabolites caused brain malfunctions similar to those found in Alzheimer's Disease. One of its metabolites, the moronalone radical, CH2-D'OH, proved deleterious to normal neural functioning. They ceased it usage with their own and planned to use it on a portion of the American population.

The Soviet report indicated that they were able to introduce this chemical to the water supply of various Young Democratic Organizations, apparently with total success in hoped for results. Further updated reports stated that the experimental American lab rats had become 'Useful Idiots' in support of the Soviet Communist cause.

Although no longer in use since the fall of the U.S.S.R., the communist sympathizers are apparently alive and still active in present day American politics.

TOO FUNNY

ACTIVIST JUDGE CANCELS CHRISTMAS

"...liberal U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Stephen Reinhardt ruled the private celebration of Christmas unconstitutional Monday..."

"...Within an hour of the judge's verdict, National Guard troops were mobilized to enforce the controversial ruling..."

"...Sorry, kids, no Christmas this year," Beloit, WI mall Santa Gene Ernot said as he was led away from his Santa's Village in leg irons. "Write to your congressman to put a stop to these liberal activist judges. It's up to you to save Christmas! Ho ho ho!..." "...Pvt. Stanley Cope, who tasered Ernot for his outburst..."

""Why did the bad man take away Christmas?" 5-year-old Danny Dover said. "I made a card for my mommy out of paper and glue, and now I can't give it to her.""

"Shortly after Dover issued his statement, police kicked down his door, removed his holiday tree, confiscated his presents, and crushed his homemade card underfoot."

The Politically Correct Card Game

'Donny' McNabb has been accused by a Philadelphia NAAAAP (Nat. Assoc. for the Advancement of African-American Persons; I can't use the word, 'colored', lest I be accused of racism.) leader of playing the 'race card' as an explanation for his poor play with the Eagles.

I will, therefore, also accuse Mark Belling of playing the 'Christmas card' on his radio show today. He joined in the complaints about the avoidance of using the word 'Christmas' by local Milwaukee businesses. One caller told him of one area business that still advertised, "Merry Christmas, from our family to yours." The idea put forward was to choose this company with which to do business in the place of the others that balked at the use of the Christmas theme.

Well... duh!! I don't expect many Jews, Muslims, or vegetarian New Agers would be enticed to shop at Piggly Wiggly under any advertising scheme!

Speaking Out of Both Sides of Your 'Do'

Drudge: BOXING PROMOTER DON KING: 'BUSH IS A REVOLUTIONARY'

(Wed Dec 14 2005 19:23:37 ET CNN, THE SITUATION ROOM 4:00 PM EST WOLF BLITZER, HOST: Don king is known worldwide as a big-time boxing promoter. But has also taken some new fights on recently...)

You love George Bush?

DON KING; I love George Walker Bush because I think he's a revolutionary. He's a president that comes in with conclusiveness. What they're doing in tomorrow in Iraq is a demonstration of that for the vote for democracy. The fundamental process of democracy is freedom of speech, law and order, being able to have freedom, working with people and working and governing yourselves. George Bush is that. He included in...

BLITZER: Do you have any regrets supporting him? Take a look at that picture when you and I were there at the diner last year. Do you have any regrets supporting him as enthusiastically as you did?

KING: No, I don't. In fact, I want to support him more now because it seems like everybody is punching him. You know what I mean? But he's fighting back, and he's throwing great combinations. And I think he's the guy that is really a revolutionary president.

I think he's a president that cares about the people he represents, but doesn't compromise himself to the extent that he acquiesce and accommodate. He goes out there and says like it is, and tries to make things better. Inclusiveness, education, is fighting for that.

These are the things that many guys that don't fight for -- George Walker Bush is a tremendous advocate to America, a great president for the great American people, and he's decisive. He's doesn't equivocate.

I've heard King speak about Bush like this before and was quite surprised.

But...

"To see what is happening here makes me feel good all over," said King of Chavez's government and his efforts to bring social justice to Venezuela's poor majority.

"You are a president of the people, for the people and by the people and your magic lies in your people ties. You are the one concerned about the poor," King said during Chavez's "Hello President" program.

Fingering Reality

“Anybody who doesn’t appreciate what America has done and President Bush, let them go to hell” – Iraqi Citizen, voter Betty Dawisha

Many have probably seen the video of this Iraqi ex-patriate as she was interviewed after voting in Detroit. It would seem fitting if she was shown displaying her purpled index finger while saying, "Anybody who doesn't appreciate what America has done and President Bush,..." then while finishing, "...let them go to hell," flipping the bird.

Australian Quote of the Day

After vandals had covered the offices of Senator Steve Fielding with graffiti and left before police arrived, the Senator's wife, Susan, said,

"We think they are probably hiding in the toilets."

I'd say that's a very diplomatic way of calling them pieces of sh*t.

(H.T. Tiberius.)

Irony

More snow on the way.

Bob, a friend of mine, is a snowplow operator for Rock County, but he's on vacation in Florida 'til the middle of January.

O'no!

The Good Lieutenant reports, "America is great because we fought a war against Korea and Japan and still stuck together; the Beatles couldn't even handle one single Asian."

(P.S. Tee Bee, Whaddayagoddasay 'bout that?!)

Those Dirty Democrats

Interesting tidbit from today's George Will column, on Sen. Eugene McCarthy:

McCarthy's insurgency, the most luminous memory of many aging liberals, would today be impossible -- criminal, actually -- thanks to the recent ``reform'' most cherished by liberals, the McCain-Feingold campaign regulations. McCarthy's audacious challenge to an incumbent president was utterly dependent on large early contributions from five rich liberals. Stewart Mott's $210,000 would be more than $1.2 million in today's dollars. McCain-Feingold codifies two absurdities: large contributions are inherently evil, and political money can be limited without limiting political speech. McCain-Feingold criminalizes the sort of seed money that enabled McCarthy to be heard. Under McCain-Feingold's current limit of $2,100 per contributor, McCarthy's top five contributors combined could have given just $10,500, which in 1968 dollars would have been just $1,834.30. But, then, McCain-Feingold was written by incumbents to protect what they cherish: themselves.

I had a similar comment about Fighting Bob LaFollette in one of my previous columns:

Running for President, then as now, requires money, and LaFollette received his share of help on that score. As he himself wrote in "LaFollette’s Autobiography":

“The two Pinchots and Kent had each furnished a contribution of $10,000… Crane was contributing $5,000 a month, and had agreed to continue his payments monthly until the time of the meeting of the National Convention in Chicago.”

That’s Amos and Gifford Pinchot, who were born to wealth on the East Coast; and Congressman William Kent, from California. Adjusted for inflation, their $10,000 contributions would be worth $200,000 in today’s dollars.

That’s $200,000 each.

Charles Crane, whose family owned manufacturing interests in Chicago, was giving the equivalent of $100,000 a month.

Naughty, naughty, naughty, to sell themselves to the highest bidder like that.

This is #901

And...that was post #900 here on Grandpa John's. Fitting that it should have something to do with taking a dump.

I Have a Plan

While bearing with the continual cacophony of calls for a timetable of evacuation from the quagmire in Iraq and criticism that Bush has no plan, I was reminded of the campaign for the presidency in 2004. Senator Kerry kept saying that he had a plan, although we never found out what it was. Supposedly the assertion that you had a plan was enough, and even is preferable to toppling a dictatorial regime, rebuilding physical and economic infrastructures, training native troops, and overseeing constitutional elections.

Brought to my recollection, also, is a line from the movie, "The Hunt for Red October". The carrier captain informs Jack Ryan, "The Russians [Soviets] don't even take a dump without a plan." ===I'm drawing a lot of parallels.====

Not Your Father's Looney Tunes

Reasonable people can and often do disagree about almost anything. In most cases, I relish the debate with someone who feels strongly in opposition to that which I believe. It's such a good way to learn, strengthen my own argument, find weaknesses in my thinking, or even change my whole mode of thought. What I find distasteful, however, is someone who argues strongly, but without rhyme or reason. That is why I find so much of the modern Leftist political dialogue so disgraceful. At best, it is ignorance; at worst, deliberate lies. In either case, it reflects a blind leap of faith toward a nonexistent Utopia that is imagined in their own ideological dreamworld. Yet I am the one most often accused and dismissed as an irrational, uneducated Christian. It leaves me somewhat dumbfounded that the most asinine assertions of modern Leftists are received by any audience without laughter unto incontinence.

A writer for The American Thinker, Timothy Birdnow, has posted a piece, The Mad King and The Crazy Left, that discusses possible foundations of the Looney Left. It's an excellent piece. Here are some excerpts that hopefully will frame his argument in an abbreviated version:

George the Third was the undisputed King of Great Britain; of that there can be no doubt. If it is true that pride goeth before a fall, then the King’s arrogance cost him his American colonies, and much, much more; George the Third lost his mind as a result of hubris, and ended up confined in an insane asylum, mad as a March Hare. This cautionary tale reflects an even greater fall, one which we are in the privileged position of witnessing: the collective mental breakdown of the Liberal Movement. We are witnessing the madness of the postmodern King!...

There seems to be a refusal among liberals to believe in reality these days...

According to author Phillip K. Dick, reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away...

Any Democrat wanting to be successful must bow before the multi-acronymed Postmodernists....

...philosophical underpinnings of what they believe...

1. Man Is Inherently Good

...the belief that our system is corrupting to the individual, and must be destroyed to free Man to realize his potential...

...a return to a state of nature will be a return to paradise...

...if freed from the tyranny of economic self-reliance, the individual will work diligently for the common good,...

2. Atheism/ Materialism

...since there is no God, man must find an adequate substitute. We have to be gods unto ourselves...

...This is accomplished largely through the exercise of power by the State...

...why the Left is so joyless. Liberals are amazingly glum, and seem totally devoid of humor or mirth. The liberal has to act as his own god, and that is a heavy burden, indeed! Everything depends on his own efforts. How can one be happy when, like Atlas, one must carry the World upon ones shoulders? Liberalism is a recipe for despair...

3. Subjective Reality

Human senses are imperfect, and human reason inadequate...

...refuses to accept that there is a God by whom all else is measured, and because the liberal is burdened with an absolute faith in human reason, modern Liberalism has as a tenet the concept that reality is subjective. (That is the only way to reconcile disagreement or errors in judgment with the perfectibility of man and reason.) The Left bases this on Twentieth Century science, particularly Einstein’s Special Theory of Relativity...

...“judge not, lest ye be judged”...

...This subjectivity is very convenient to the Liberal, who may then manipulate reality as he sees fit,...

...It always comes down to the same argument; “what right have you to judge another person’s reality?”...

...If you believe hard enough, it will come true...

...They have come to believe that, if enough people really believe, it will change reality. The world is malleable, formed by the collective consciousness. (Notice, that makes us gods!) Therefore, if we made it, we can remake it!...

...These three principles have always colored the views of the Left, but, much like the family who hides their crazy aunt in a closet when guests come, they’ve succeeded in hiding this insanity, thanks to their control of the news media, education, and their influence in government. Why haven’t we seen this side of them until now?

Because they are losing their control of the dissemination of information, and of the Holy Church of Government. The new media – talk radio, Fox News, The American Thinker and the rest of the blogopshere - have broken their control of the electronic leviathan. They have seen their hopes in Socialism and Communism dashed; they have seen their belief in the United Nations destroyed. The loss of the Presidency, Congress, and the potential loss of the Supreme Court threaten to put the Left out to pasture permanently. How can they stand that?...

...The Left must be treated in a similar manner; they must be politically and intellectually restrained until those poor souls regain their grasp on reality...
[Like King George III during his fits of insanity]

Birdnow's ideas make some good sense in understanding the Loonies, but it certainly doesn't make their claims any more palatable. Keeping them out of the Presidency, out of control of both Houses of Congress, and off of the Supreme Court will help keep them 'restrained until those poor souls regain their grasp on reality' and help keep the country out of a similar Utopia that Stalin brought to The Soviet Union.

Fightin' Bob, The Exemplary Progressive

Jerry Scharf gives information from the BBC concerning the 'state of the nation' following the implementation of the progressive policies of 'Fightin' Bob'. This is, of course, Robert Mugabe, tin pot, but progressive, dictator of the central African nation, Zimbabwe.

Zimbabwe in meltdown - UN envoy (BBC)

"The situation is very serious in Zimbabwe when life expectancy goes from more than 60 years to just over 30 years in a 15-year span - it's a meltdown, it's not just a crisis, it's a meltdown," Mr Egeland (UN undersecretary for humanitarian affairs) told the BBC in Johannesburg, immediately after his four-day trip to Zimbabwe.

Some 700,000 people lost their jobs or homes in a government demolition programme, an earlier UN report says. (Progressive way of fighting crime and overcrowding.)

ZIMBABWE CRISIS
Life expectancy 30 years
3m expecting food aid
20% adult HIV prevalence
3,000 Aids deaths each week
500,000 left homeless this year
200,000 lost livelihoods
Inflation has reached 400%
Crisis compounded by drought

The Mugabe regime refused various aspects of UN aid, including tents for temporary housing, because of his high regard for his own people.

Mr Mugabe's spokesman said Zimbabweans were "not tent people" and they wanted the UN to build permanent homes. (Now that's progressive concern.)

Mr Mugabe last week agreed to let the UN provide food aid to some three million people over the next year. (He loves the Zimbabwean people.)

A former coworker of mine was from Zimbabwe. Her daughter wrote and published a book of poems. Here is one example that seems fitting for this time:

Great Zimbabwe
By Yvonne Mugadza, from Into A Sea of Poetry, p. 23

The Ruins lie together stone by stone
Atoned with mystery and grandeur.
Their shape is inscribed in coins
Yet the walls of stone breathed life once.
Their velvetine brush with royalty
Attracts admirers from all directions.
Birds of freedom
Were carved out of soap stone.
Kings drank from ivory cups
Ribboned with copper.
The dance of maidens
To the Mbira
Once rose the dust.
The house of stones birthed
Our country's name Zimbabwe.
They were the fortress of utmost justice
A shield from war.
And insignia of sovereignty
And at its fall it was at its greatest.

I thought this was a good one from Bill's Comments.

One Sunday morning an old Wyoming cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin.

Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out bible.

The Church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen.

The people of the congregation were all dressed with expensive clothes and accessories.

As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him.

No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hide it. The preacher gave a long sermon about Hellfire and brimstone and a stern lecture on how much money the church needed to do God's work.

As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. "Before you come back in here again, have a talk with God and ask him what He thinks would be appropriate attire for worship."

The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.

The next Sunday, he showed up for the services wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again he was completely shunned and ignored.

The preacher approached the man and said, "I thought I asked you to speak to God about what was appropriate attire before you came back to our church."

"I did," replied the old cowboy.

"If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be for worshiping in here?" asked the preacher.

"Well, sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what I should wear. He said He's never been in this church!"

History as it Actually Was

Although Dr. Keith Burgess-Jackson claims this historical account was written anonymously, I strongly suspect one of the contributors to The Badger Blog Alliance was the source. Here are some excerpts:

"History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived off the deer in the mountains and forests during the summer, then went to the coast to live on fish and lobster in winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. Beer was invented first, then the wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These two inventions were the foundation of modern civilization. Together they were the catalyst for the division of humanity into two distinct groups: liberals and conservatives..."

"...Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbecue at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative Movement."

"Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbecue and beer bust. During the day they did the sewing, fetching, and hair styling. This was the beginning of the Liberal Movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as "girlie men."..."

"...Another interesting evolutionary side note: Most of the liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men..."

This is cool.

Aljazeera.Net - Indonesia Muslims to guard churches

Volunteers from Indonesia's largest Islamic organisation will guard churches across the world's most populous Muslim nation on Christmas amid fears of terrorist attacks.

Jakarta police have said they will boost security in the capital ahead of Christmas to avoid a repeat of 2000 Christmas Eve bombings on churches in several Indonesian cities, including the country's capital.

A youth wing affiliated with Indonesia's largest Muslim group, Nahdlatul Ulama, 40 million strong, told Reuters on Friday that its members would guard churches for the coming Christmas festivities and it had persuaded youths from other religions to join the project.

Clostridium botulinum and the Type A Personalities of Leftists

Recently I was afforded the opportunity to attend a small conference at UW-Madison Hospital with several nationally prominent neurologists and epileptologists to discuss the newest information concerning anomalous encephalic function in traumatic brain injury and disease. During a lull in the action, I noticed that the doctor across the table was from Boston. With hopes of stirring up some action among these staid professionals I said, "You know, I've always thought that Senator Kerry was a goober, but, lately it appears to me that he is suffering from rapidly advancing symptoms of Spongioform Encephalopathy." (Little did I know that mentioning 'Mad Cow Disease' to a neurologist was like waving a red towel before a bull.)

Dr. Brinson glared at me for a moment, then exploded out of his chair like a private snapping to attention at the approach of an officer sending his high-backed chair slamming against the conference room windows. There was a brief, deafening silence (that seemed like hours) as all eyes fixed upon the good doctor. I can remember struggling to hold off wetting myself and wishing that 'concealed carry' had passed into law.

Suddenly his countenance changed from rage to fear as he buried his now sobbing face into his hands and exclaimed, "But... it wasn't my fault!" He blew his nose on his suitcoat sleeve and continued, "I was preparing to inject botox to smooth the Senator's 'crow's feet' when he suddenly sat up and said, "Doctor, did you know that I was a Vietnam hero?" As he did this the needle... one of the long ones introduced to suit women's widening horizons... plunged through his ocular orbit and into his left frontal lobe and the whole syringe of Botox A was injected there. Everything seemed okay for about three days and then he just lost all abilities for rational thought. That was in September and it appears to be irreversable."

Another doctor from San Francisco, I didn't catch his name, gasped, "Dr. Brinson, I'm so glad you said that! I was treating Senator Boxer and..."

"Durbin, too!" screamed a doctor from Chicago.

The confessions continued for several minutes with some very heavy Democrat name dropping.

"What about Teddy Kennedy?" I yelled into the melee. All eyes were again directed at Brinson.

He chuckled for a moment and said, "Kennedy? That's self-inflicted Bourbonic Plague!"

This time, I did wet my pants and had to leave the Catharsis Conference, but I realized that I had learned a great deal about the Democratic Party and its aberrant neural functioning.

Bush Faux Pas

I would really enjoy it if President Bush would pull a 'faux pas' like President Reagan's, "We start bombing in 10 minutes," into a microphone that he 'thought' was off. In his best Howard Dean mock, "We're gonna win here in Iraq... then it's on to Syria, and Iran, and Massachussetts, then North Korea... all the way to Red China. AAaaaaaaaaaAaa!"

Wise Words from Wicked Thoughts

"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car." --Author Unknown

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children." --Author Unknown

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base." --Dave Barry

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my golly .... I could be eating a slow learner." --Lynda Montgomery

"I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" --Richard Jeni

"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." --Johnny Carson

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." --Paul Rodriguez

"Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself." --Mark Twain

Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken. --Unknown, (presumed deceased)

Heroes of Modern Western Civilization-- Pop Quiz

Part I: Purveyors of Moral Authority

Matching-- Please match the short biographies with the names of the heroes shown below.

1) Born on January 14, 1741, in Norwich, Connecticut. At the age of 15 he enlisted in the Connecticut militia to resist the French invasion from Canada. After the Boston Massacre in 1770, he wrote, "Good God; are the Americans all asleep and tamely giving up their liberties, or are they all turned philosophers, that they don't take immediate vengeance on such miscreants?"
In 1775 he was chosen captain of the 2nd Company of Connecticut Guards and shortly after Lexington and Concord he was made colonel of the Massachussetts militia. His militia conquered Fort Ticonderoga, Crown Point, and Fort George. They also captured 201 cannons. George Washington appointed him as a colonel in the Continental Army. After several more heroic battles, he was invited to meet with the Continental Congress. At George Washington's request he was posted to the Northern Department due to Washington's faith in him as a military commander. He played a decisive role in several battles that marked the turning point of the American Revolution.

2) Born July 18, 1887. He graduated from Norway's war academy as the country's best ever cadet and achieved major in the Norwegian army. He was also a brilliant mathematician. In the 1920's he worked with Fridtjof Nansen in relief work in Russia and the Ukraine. From this Nansen received the Nobel Peace Prize. For his work for British interests in Russia, he earned the order, Commander of the British Empire. He served as Norwegian defense minister in the government from 1931-1933.

3) Born in Cauchy-a-la-Tour, France in 1856. He joined the French Army in 1876 and attended the War College in Paris. He served with distinction in WWI and while commanding French forces at the start of the Battle of Verdun, he was purported to have declared, "They shall not pass!" He was elevated to the Commander-in-Chief of the French army, and because of his successful defensive strategy, France survived its worst crisis during the war, leading to eventual Allied victory. He was instrumental in the construction of the Maginot Line. He was a national hero and served in the French cabinet as Minister of War, and later, Secretary of State.

4) He joined the Marines in 1952 during the Korean War. He earned the Spirit Honor Medal as a recruit and became a drill instructor at Parris Island. He attended Officer Candidate School and in 1959, as a captain, he took command of the 34th Special Infantry Company. He volunteered for Vietnam in 1966-67, receiving a Bronze Star, two Purple Hearts, and the Vietnamese Cross of Gallantry. On his retirement, he was awarded the Navy Distinguished Service Medal.

5) Born on December 11, 1943, in Colorado. He served as a lieutenant in the U.S. Navy from 1966-1970 and ironically attended the Navy's Damage Control Course. He served with distinction in Vietnam. Here he received a Silver Star, Bronze Star, and three Purple Hearts. While receiving his wounds he didn't even blink.


Match the above biographies to the following heroes exuding moral authority:

A) John Forbes Kerry
B) Benedict Arnold
C) Philippe Petain
D) Vidkun Quisling
E) John P. Murtha

Part II: Please describe in a short paragraph, sentence, or word what all 5 of these men have in common.

And yet I can't get my kids to pick up their shoes.

It sounds like science fiction: a brain nurtured in a Petri dish learns to pilot a fighter plane as scientists develop a new breed of 'living' computer. But in groundbreaking experiments in a Florida laboratory that is exactly what is happening.

The 'brain', grown from 25,000 neural cells extracted from a single rat embryo, has been taught to fly an F-22 jet simulator by scientists at the University of Florida.

D'oh!

Listening to the news on WIBA this morning, I heard a report of an arrest of a 25 year old Madison woman who allegedly left her 4 year old son in the car while she went into a bar to drink. The Leftists jumped right on that one. One commenter from the Wisconsin Parental Stress Center stated something akin to this: There needs to be more services for parents in Dane County when it comes to their kids.

Believe it or not, I am speechless. (Except for the question, 'Which is dumber, the action or the statement?')

UPDATE: Vicki McKenna is calling for mandatory child care in Madison bars!

UPDATE 2: Vicki and e-mailer agree that President Bush is to blame. This incident is proof that he lied about 'No Child Left Behind.' Protestors shouted during summer incidents, "Bush Lied, and Children Fried!" Winter shouts included, "Bush Lied and Children Cryed!" (Cryo-, Greek: frozen)

This day in history, 1943 - USS-Wisconsin Christened:

On this date the USS-Wisconsin was christened by Wisconsin's first lady Madge Goodland. The ship was re-christened by Mrs. Goodland in March 1951 during the Korean War. The USS-Wisconsin was inactive for many years but was recommissioned in 1989.

[Source: First Ladies of Wisconsin, the Governor's Wives by Nancy G. Williams, p.181]

Click here for a pretty cool (copyrighted) photo.

Found this at Sanna Central:

How cold is it???

It's so cold, I had to chisel the dog off the fire hydrant!

Minors in Style, Majors in Substance

Dr. Pat Santy well expresses my own thoughts about President Bush.

"Many have accused me of idealizing President Bush, and while it is true that since 9/11, I admire him quite a bit, I hardly idealize him. On the contrary, what I find compelling about him are his obviously ordinary human qualities. He strikes me as a very REAL person--not a slick "persona" created by an ad agency; or a "celebrity" onto whom we project our own fantasies."

"Bush does not pretending to be intellectually superior and can easily make fun of himself. Nor does it seem to matter much to him that everyone doesn't totally adore him. He tackles hard problems head on (which most politicians lack the courage to do) and perseveres in trying to fix them. He indeed "muddles along", misspeaks, and even screws up from time to time; but he presses on and actually gets things done."

"That is what matters most to me."

I have often heard it said about Christians that they are so heavenly minded that they are of no earthly good. However, that claim more accurately portrays the modern Leftist. They are so Utopian minded that they are of no earthly good, or rather, they are a hindrance to earthly good. They attempt to impose an ethereal ideology upon a concrete world in which it will not fit.

George Bush is weak in rhetoric, but he actually gets things done. In the midst of battle President Bush fights, the Leftists pontificate; Bush works, Leftists criticize. Nike's old statement of 'Just Do It' exemplifies Bush. For Kerry, Kennedy, Dean, Pelosi, Boxer, et al., Nike would have to change it to 'Just Whine About It'.

Teaching Abstinence Just Doesn't Work

There is much at issue in our public schools, with much debate as to what should be the fundamental teachings for our children. As these youngsters grow they will naturally become curious and want to explore the newly developed aspects and the urges of their impressionable psyches. Teaching abstinence alone will not overcome these powerful urges brought on by their raging hormones. They are going to do it anyway. They need to be armed with the whys and hows to learn safe use to get through these difficult times with a minimum of inconvenience, injury, or disease. Loading them with information, knowledge, and understanding is the key aim to help our children reach full maturity safely. Otherwise we will be forcing them to look defenselessly down the barrel of a loaded gun.

The spread of HIV, which leads to AIDS, and a plethora of other STD's are serious threats to our children and cannot be glossed over without catastrophic results. Let me say that again! The spread of Handgun Initiated Violence, which leads to Acquired Injury to Defenseless Students, and a plethora of other Shooting Target Damages are serious threats to our children.

I am proposing that schools dispense handguns and ammunition free of charge to students along with proper training on how and when to use them. In the classroom students could practice with a banana and see demonstrations of the various postions and techniques used. The guns will be small enough to carry in a purse or backpack, but we have not yet found one that could fit easily inside most wallets.

For political correctness, students should be taught multicaliberism through the use of classroom texts such as "Little Danny Has Two Handguns" and "Mr. Smith & Mr. Wesson: A Queer Eye Can Still Aim Straight at the Guy".

Teaching abstinence just doesn't work with kids. They are going to do it anyway. Schools must arm them to succeed in life and help protect them along the way.

THE BEARS STILL SUCK

Pass it on.

Recommended Reading




(H.T. Dr. Sanity.)

Canadian Quote of the Day

“Nor would I move to Jordan and demand they change the name of Ramadan because it offends my Christian beliefs.”

-Len Kutchma a Canadian contributor on A Western Heart in a post concerning the controversy over Christmas tree/Holiday tree nomenclature, multiculturalism, and political correctness.

Canadian Press Secretary Quote of the Day

Len Kutchma, quoting Scott Reid, the press secretary for the Canadian Prime Minister's Office (PMO), the official mouthpiece of Paul Martin.

"Alberta can blow me."

Len, are you sure he isn't related to Harry Reid, a Democratic Senator from Nevada, and talking about an American Red State?

Today's Gleanings from Wicked Thoughts

People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

We have enough youth. How about a fountain of SMART?

Everyone has the right to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."

Big Oil: Royal Doyle Foil

Big Oil executives from Exxon Mobil, Chevron, Conoco, BP, and Shell Petroleum summoned Governor Jim Doyle, (D-Wis) before an investigative panel today in Houston. They were determined to probe his confiscatory taxation upon the people of Wisconsin.

Exxon executive Lee Raymond opened the inquiry, "To our customers, today's hearing is about shared sacrifices in tough times versus state government greed. Working people struggle with high taxation and your sacrifices appear to be nothing."

Chevron CEO, David O'Reilly, stated, "In the midst of pain, in the midst of suffering, the public sees headlines about record taxation." "Wisconsin's gasoline tax is over three times as much per gallon as oil company profits."

Governor Doyle defended his practices stating that Wisconsin state government invests millions in developing and strengthening WEAC's grip and control over public education-- for the children. Wisconsin also works to assist law firms to reap huge rewards in suits against evil Wisconsin corporations. Doyle concluded that large investments are also required to strengthen state controls over its residents, veto legislative acts, keep guns out of the hands of law abiding citizens, and fund his re-election campaign.

Many of the oil executives complained that Governor Doyle should have been sworn in before testifying, but others realized, that since Doyle is a politician, he wouldn't have comprehended the terms of the oath.

With This Horseshoe, I Do Thee Wed... 'Til Death Do Us Part

Back on July 2, 2005, a 45 year old Seattle man was killed while having sex with a horse. During the act he suffered a perforated colon leading to his death. During questioning, the horse, named Mr. Ed, stated that injury is often a biproduct of what he called, 'rough barn sex'. The horse was not ultimately charged for prostitution and released shortly after his arrest.

It is suspected that the unnamed Seattle man had sought such an experience through the ubiquitous chat rooms on the internet dedicated to such exotic, erotic pleasures. Defenders point out that sex with animals is not illegal in Washington State, although sex with small animals sometimes results in charges of animal cruelty. An ACLU representative was overheard to sneeringly say, "If Jesus was born in a barn, perhaps he was conceived there as well."

Other prominent beastiality proponents claim that, while homosexual couples are making progress in receiving cultural recognition for their love and marriages, they will also demand their constitutional rights to interspecies marriage. After all, they claim, it is already common practice in this country and around the world. Every single spouse of a Leftist, they accurately point out, is already married to an ass.

United States of America v. I. Lewis Libby: Round One

The first major battle in the court case, United States of American v. I. Lewis Libby is coming to a head. Ted Wells, of the law firm, Paul Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison, is opposing the introduction of testimony that might show Libby's false statements and obstruction as a 'long standing pattern of behavior'.

The controversial witness, Edna von Schtueble, nicknamed the bearded lady by her students, was Scooter's third grade teacher in Florida. Her claim is that Libby was caught chewing gum in class, but swallowed the gum and lied about chewing it. Little Ichabod Lewis was sequestered for three days by school authorities to examine his jettisoned feces and the gum in question was retained for evidence. It was determined to be 'Juicy Fruit' by forensic technicians. During Scooter's administrative hearing to determine his punishment, either electrocution by 'Old Sparky' or living as a foster child in the home of Edna von Schtueble, Lewis' friend, fourth grade schoolmate, Karl Rovenstein, pointed out that the prosecution had not scientifically determined the rate of peristalsis along Scooter's alimentary canal. Karl claimed that small errors in rate calculations had allowed for the possibility that the recovered Juicy Fruit could have been ingested before the 8 AM start of school. Rovenstein also argued that, by introducing the obstruction charge into the case, the prosecution also tacitly argued that the obstructing gum would have delayed its own defecation even longer, proving its ingestion at an even earlier time. With this shadow of doubt sown the school administration was forced to drop the case.

The bitter Edna von Schtueble immediately retired from teaching and became a successful professional wrestler. Karl Rovenstein moved to Texas and was never heard from again. Scooter's wad of Juicy Fruit is up for bid on e-bay. (Michael Moore reputedly has bid $3.2 million for it, claiming that all the delicious flavor has not yet been chewed out of it.)

Todd led me to this photo through a comment on Ann Althouse by someone named Mr. Bungle 2103. Far out, man!

MILQUETOSTITOS?

Quite long ago, I gave up trying to goad Grandpa John into blogging or commenting here. I abused him in every possible way. It was strange to me that I couldn't get him to respond even to some of the most inane statements that I could muster. All the while we were growing up, I never have known him to refuse silly 'challenges' like this. I thoroughly doubt that he has matured past responding in kind to these little digs, however.

Lately, though, I have experienced another series of wonderments. Grandpa John's twin sons, Todd and Lance, who are also contributors to this blog also have not responded to my best ribbing. In this post I made fun of their high school alma mater. Here I abused them using their middle names. Here I questioned their IQ's using a British study on twins and claimed that they had not yet achieved adult communication skills. Not a single response to be found anywhere.

I began to question how this could be. Were Todd and Lance taking cues from President Bush in not defending themselves in a timely manner? This is hard to justify as I did not accuse them of lying causing people's dying, nor am I a twin, or have the same middle name, or attend the same high school.

Since that theory was ruled out, perhaps Todd and Lance are of French heritage; Brie heads. This theory has abit more legitimacy. Todd did withdraw from Wisconsin to Iowa, possibly in order to appease the Islamofascist element in Racine. Studies of their paperwork, however, show that they are of mixed Swiss and Scandinavian heritage. This possibility is still under investigation.

The 3rd potential reason for their lack of self defense may just simply be an overdose of dominant genes inherited from Grandpa John. If this is the case, it could be easily proven. A quick check of the contents of their refrigerators would probably show an abundance of Velveeta in the cheese drawer. This is the theory I'm buying.

I expect that even this post (so far) will not elicit a response, but perhaps the following will:

A recent issue of Pediatrics made an interesting claim.

"A team from the University of Bristol found that children with lower levels of a height controlling hormone also had lower IQs. The study is the first to make a link between the insulin-like growth hormone and intelligence. Professor David Gunnell and his colleagues measured levels of Insulin Growth Factor IGF-I in the blood of 547 children, who also took an intelligence test at the age of eight. When the researchers compared IGF-I levels in the youngsters in the study, they found a significant link between the growth hormone and intelligence."

It is not clear, however, that this research negates any of the research concerning the lower IQ's of twins.

(H. T. JR.)

(Paul or Scott, this study, as well as the twin study, really leaves you short! The academic requirements of UW-Madison and Marquette University must have really been lowered!)

Scott Ott proves that the Bush Administration loves the stepchild, Iraq, more than their own children here in the U.S.

(2005-12-01) — New York Times Publisher Arthur Ochs Sulzberger Jr. today slammed the Pentagon for its alleged practice of secretly paying for placement of positive “news” articles in Iraqi newspapers and of subsidizing some Iraqi journalists whose reporting supports the Pentagon’s agenda.

“Why should foreign newspapers get more favorable treatment than our own homegrown media?” said Mr. Sulzberger. “The New York Times, for example, receives no money from the State Department for all of the anonymously-sourced stories we run for their career bureaucrats who oppose the Bush administration’s foreign policy.”

The publisher noted that “with nosediving circulation numbers due to our waning credibility, we could use a government subsidy.”

“If U.S. taxpayers can prop up Iraqi journalists and domestic public television,” Mr. Sulzberger said, “then how about showing some love to the neediest cases right here in the Big Apple?”

All the more reason to pull out of Iraq now. Just like his daddy, George XLI, XLIII seems more interested in foreign affairs than the domestic. If he won't help out that All-American, apple pie, baseball, Hoe-nex-doe Mother, the New York Times, how can he even call himself an American?