There's something warmly comforting - and disturbingly unnerving - about this story:

Sweet + salty satisfaction: Traditional or gourmet, the PB&J has come a long way

They approach. They whisper. They wait for ridicule.

"It's like they don't want anyone to know," said Walsh, operating partner for the restaurant chain in Wisconsin, where the classic kiddie food is served to adults at least 10 to 15 times each day. "Usually their friends make fun of them, but we're used to it."

As they should be. The PB&J has made a gourmet comeback at restaurants and cafés all over the Milwaukee area. Some have added new and grown-up twists, from bananas to bacon. Others leave the King of Comfort Food as is, in all its stick-to-the-roof-of-your-mouth glory.

"The level of popularity has surprised me," said Ann S. Jacobs, president of New World Wine Company, where the peanut-butter and wine-jelly sandwich has become a menu favorite since its café opened in September. "It really speaks to people."

Chad Lawson hears the call.

A regular costumer of New World Wine, he was excited to see that the café's PB&J is made with wine jelly. Lawson, director of technology at Byte Studios, said he liked the notion of "taking such a childhood treat and finding an adult spin on it."

Read the whole thing. It's worth it, if only for a laugh.

Intangible No More

While I grew as a professional sports fan, media analysis matured with me. Often an expert would predict the outcome of a weekend game by comparing different aspects of each opposing team. He might compare relative strengths of offense, defense, special teams, and home field advantage. He generally would include a category called 'intangibles'. One intangible always included would be 'team chemistry'. Good team chemistry provided for the team to elevate itself and become greater than the sum of its parts.

Over the past couple of decades this analysis has become highly evolved. Behind the scenes computers hum wildly, processing a universe of data. Their output, given to the commentator just before showtime may read, in part, something like this:

Team chemistry: The Giants steroid and performance enhancement drug usage is 30% higher than that of the Dodgers. Advantage: Giants.

*It has been reported that Balco Labs will soon undergo a name change. Since Barry Bonds came into the league with a physique akin to that of Don Knotts and then bulked up, the Balco Lab will now be called, 'Knotts Barry Farm'.

*Many sports fans in England have adopted Barry Bonds as a hero. For some unknown reason they have nicknamed him, 'Inj'. They have begun petitioning the Queen to infer upon him the honor of Knight. Then he would be addressed, 'Sir Inj'.

The Wisdom of Age

Cole shares with Morgan his vast life experiences.


("Morgan, you must always pay close attention
to anything Grandpa Steve says.")

What kind of beer are you?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Pabst Blue Ribbon

(33% dark & bitter, 66% working class, 100% genuine)



Oh, Pabst, beer of barbeques, beer of youth, beer of liberty! In my care-free days, Pabst was my drink of choice. I made most of my best friends over cans of this stuff and made many of my first kisses with it on my lips (and breath...uhg). Yeah, Pabst doesn't exactly have the most refined taste going, and my guess is the same can be said for you. I'm not saying you or Pabst is anything short of awesome. Just that you both appreciate a good dirty joke. (Can a beer be said to appreciate a joke? You know what I mean.)

You have an outgoing personality. You like a good time, and you often create one just by being around. But unlike many popular people, there's a lot of substance to you: you scored quite highly on the 'genuine' part of the test. Pabst is for real fun, not for company-sponsored, after-work 'socials'! See Budweiser Select for that.

Anyhow, nostalgia dictates that I congratulate you on your score on this test. Cheers!

Why? Why? What did I do? Where did I go wrong? It was my upbringing - that's it! I'll blame my father! And make him pay for the therapy, too!

Ariel Sharon Stone

Sharon Stone's latest political comments have caused a parodic plethora among bloggers and talk show hosts. Prima facie analysis lends itself to judge the statements as those of a ditzy blonde feminist new-ager. However, this is not the case. Stone's statements prove to be those of a mature, astute observer of cross-cultural realities.

"We are just that breath away from a peaceful co-existence," she added after her visit to Israel as a guest of the Peres Center for Peace, a foundation run by Nobel laureate and former Israeli prime minister Shimon Peres.1

Ms. Stone's statement is absolutely correct. She rightly perceives that Middle East peace is truly just a breath away... the final breath by either the last Jew or last Muslim.

"I think Hillary Clinton is fantastic, but I think it is too soon for her to run (for president)," Stone said in the latest edition of Hollywood Life magazine. "A woman should be past her sexuality when she runs. Hillary still has sexual power and I don't think people will accept that. It's too threatening."2

Again, Sharon is spot on. By running now, Hillary would be hamstrung by her 'Billy Carteresque' husband's sexuality run amok. She indeed must get past that.


Sharon, you are surely a genius and some say that you are beautiful, but...



Only a rose is a rose and you're no Rosie!
(Hubba, hubba!)

How does one nominate for the Nobel Peace Prize?

The Prophet Hillary

"Last week Sen. Hillary Clinton whacked the GOP with the Bible, implying anti-immigration proposals were not only hardhearted, but un-Christian. The bill, she said, "would literally criminalize the Good Samaritan and probably even Jesus himself.""1.

In the updated, modernized translation of 'The Good Samaritan', Hillary's prophetic utterance has already come to pass. The Samaritan population consists of the unwashed masses outside the beltway and are not members of Washington's chosen ones. They are the infidels to the 'village' diety and under its curse. The Samaritans are the sacrificial lambs for the social engineering projects designed to protect and perfect them. Any thought, word, or deed in disobedience to the ten million commandments received on Mt. Washington is already criminal.

Jesus? He is to remain excluded, a persona non grata in all public and most private affairs. His presence, and even his spoken name, is unconstitutional.

BBA Happy Hour

What kind of beer are you? Test result:


Guinness

(100% dark & bitter, 66% working class, 66% genuine)

Brilliant!

The If You Were a Beer Test.

One Good Deed Deserves Another

Mark Steyn sums up his article concerning the Western/Sharia culture clash with a quote from General Sir Charles Napier. Napier addressed the Hindu practice of "suttee" -- the tradition of burning widows on the funeral pyres of their husbands.

"You say that it is your custom to burn widows. Very well. We also have a custom: When men burn a woman alive, we tie a rope around their necks and we hang them. Build your funeral pyre; beside it, my carpenters will build a gallows. You may follow your custom. And then we will follow ours."

(H.T. The Discerning Texan.)

Long Fasts Are Biblical

Chad Heeter in the San Francisco Chronicle can no longer enjoy his breakfast.

The oil in your oatmeal
A lot of fossil fuel goes into producing, packaging and shipping our breakfast
"Please join me for breakfast. It's time to fuel up again."

"On the table in my small Berkeley apartment this morning is a healthy-looking little meal -- a bowl of imported McCann's Irish oatmeal topped with Cascadian Farms organic frozen raspberries, and a cup of Peet's Fair Trade Blend coffee. Like most of us, I prepare my breakfast at home, and the ingredients for this one probably cost me about $1.25. (If I went to a cafe in downtown Berkeley, I'd probably have to add $6 more, plus tip, for the same.)"

"My breakfast fuels me up with about 400 calories, and it satisfies me. So for just over a buck and half and an hour spent reading the morning paper in my own kitchen, I'm energized for the next few hours. But before I put spoon to cereal, what if I consider this bowl of oatmeal porridge (to which I've just added a little butter, milk and a shake of salt) from a different perspective. Say, a Saudi Arabian one."...

..."What they've discovered is astonishing. According to researchers at the University of Michigan's Center for Sustainable Agriculture, an average of more than 7 calories of fossil fuel is burned up for every calorie of energy we get from our food. This means that in eating my 400-calorie breakfast, I will, in effect, have consumed 2,800 calories of fossil fuel energy. (Some researchers claim the ratio is as high as 10 to 1.)"...

Among Chad's typical solutions:

"But if there was truth in packaging, where my oatmeal box now tells me how many calories I get from each serving, it would also tell me how many calories of fossil fuels went into the product."

400 Calories? I'd bet that Lance expends more energy than that every time he 'cuts the cheese'!

(H.T. Jerry, the older grumpier one.)

Leftist 'On Star'

"PORTLAND, Ore., March 25 (UPI) — Oregon is testing the idea of collecting highway funds through a tax on miles driven, rather than gasoline consumed."...

..."The test program uses a global positioning system to track miles driven, using a black box to calculate how many miles are clocked in-state, out of state and during rush hour."...

But, don't you even dare try to monitor my personal phone calls to Osama!

(H.T. Jerry in Commonsense and Wonder.)

¡Vote Para Mí!

Taking off on a theme introduced on Rush Limbaugh's radio program this morning, I would like to state my political position concerning illegal immigration and announce my candidacy for the U.S. Senate.

Be it resolved:

Whereas there are millions of jobs in the United States that citizens will not take,

Whereas there are millions of undocumented immigrants that will fill those positions,

Whereas there are millions of protesting jobs open to make a difference, save the planet, and speak truth to Bushitler,

Whereas there are few American citizens that will fill those positions,

Whereas there are millions of undocumented workers who will protest actions by the U.S. Congress,

Be it resolved: That our borders be freely opened for the undocumented to fill the millions of needed low-paying, non-union protesting positions available.



Vote para Steve, los EE.UU. Senado

(¡En Wisconsin, ninguna identificación de votante se requiere!)

Old World Humor

In a follow up story, Yahoo News relates some further shenanigans occurring during the recent EU summit:

"French President Jacques Chirac defended his eye-brow-raising exit from an EU summit session, accusing the French head of Europe's employer union of piquing French pride by daring to speak in English."

"An ardent defender of the French tongue, Chirac said he had been "deeply shocked" to hear English on the lips of the Frenchman in a speech at the two-day European summit."

""I was deeply shocked that a Frenchman would speak at the council table in English," he told journalists, explaining for the first time his abrupt walkout when the summit opened on Thursday."

""That's the reason why the French delegation and myself left so as not to have to listen to that," he added."...

..."Rubbing salt into the wounds Seilliere inflicted on French pride, the Brussels correspondent for Britain's eurosceptic Sun newspaper, Michael Lea, approached Chirac at the end of Friday's news conference with a small English-language phrase book for tourists."

""This is a present from your friends at The Sun," Lea told the French leader, who first looked puzzled, then smiled as he slipped the little tome into his pocket."...

'Little tome'... heh!

Urine Big Trouble

Rocco DiPippo writes in an article in Front Page Magazine:

"Back in 1988, Andres Serrano submerged a crucifix in a vat of his urine, photographed the result and called it “art.”"...

..."As the uproar grew, numerous editorials in defense of Piss Christ, Serrano's controversial creation, were printed in U.S. and European newspapers and the Western cultural elite quickly sprang to his defense. For months, the New York Times beat the “freedom of expression” drum for all its worth, publishing numerous articles and opinion pieces sympathetic to Serrano and depicting him as courageous. In New York City, where Serrano lived, 400 New York artists held a public rally in support of his work and his right to create and display it. Serrano became a celebrated art world hero."

"Though some criticisms of Piss Christ, and the man who created it, were intemperate, Serrano's art was never forced underground, nor was his life seriously threatened, nor was he forced into hiding a la Salman Rushdie or placed in protective custody. Violence-prone packs of Christians did not roam the streets of Paris, or London, or Frankfurt, or Madrid, or New York calling for the head of Piss Christ's creator."

However, as reported by Middle East Online...

"Abdel Mooti Bayumi, an Al-Azhar professor, noted Monday that the institution had issued fatwas, or religious edicts, against any "depiction of the prophets" - which is the way Jesus is regarded in Islam."

Excuse me, Mr. Rushdie, could I stay at your apartment for awhile?

Back When They Were Good Lookin'

Found this old picture of Todd & Lance from the days of yore. They sure look like their father.

... The Germans... Priceless

We soon may have to start laying off abusing the French and turning our sights on to the Germans. Earlier the Germans were apparently involved in the 'weapons for oil' scandal. More recently they were found to be aiding the Iranians in their 'axis of evil' endeavors. Now they seem to be providing sponsorships for the 'anti-war' demonstrations.


Authentic replica Che Beret... 78 dollars.

Morticia Addams make-up kit with instructional DVD... 163 dollars.

Making a difference by bringing world peace, halting global warming, saving the whales, speaking truth to Bushitler, and hopping in Daddy's Mercedes to race home in time to see Desperate Housewives on her digital HD... Priceless.

Cindy Sheehan, the commissioner of the International Professional Protesters Association, is considering fining this young lady for the unauthorized Mercedes Benz logo as it offended the sensibilities of the majority anti-capitalist protesters.

An unnamed source has informed me that Mercedes Benz has a department within its public relations division, named 'Moonbat Relations', that sponsors individual protesters to shows its support and solidarity with the poor and oppressed around the world. It supplies busses for the protesters to be moved from protest to protest. Its motto is 'Just Protest It'.

(Photo credit-- unknown)

The Lone Ranger's Silver Bullet

I thought this was pretty good:

Modern Political Discourse

Here's an old Non Sequitur cartoon that I kept from about 15 years ago.



Gagdad Bob posts an interesting piece that mirrors this cartoon strip.

..."Abstract ideas are designed to understand and describe reality. But intellectuals turn this around and begin using their abstractions to judge reality. And if reality falls short, they don't abandon their ideals but jettison reality. Intellectuals just can't stand the thought that a free market with no one in charge has much more embodied wisdom and rationality than their sacred abstractions and economic prescriptions."...

E.E.G. of the Bacon Brain

I dunno... I just liked this line.

"Nor is the pig’s view represented, come to think of it. Were we to plumb the depths of porcine thought, we would likely hear an interior monologue dedicated to food and defecation -- rather like NYC performance art."

Ignore Now, Pay Later

Excerpts from a speech on terrorism and Liberal confusion by the Secretary of State:

"We have learned that terrorism is, above all, a form of political violence. It is neither random nor without purpose...."

"...But the overarching goal of all terrorists is the same: they are trying to impose their will by force--a special kind of force designed to create an atmosphere of fear. The horrors they inflict are not simply a new manifestation of traditional social conflict; they are depraved opponents of civilization itself, aided by the technology of modern weaponry. The terrorists want people to feel helpless and defenseless; they want people to lose faith in their government's capacity to protect them and thereby to undermine the legitmacy of the government itself, or its policies, or both."

"The terrorists profit from the anarchy caused by their violence. They succeed when governments change their policies out of intimidation. But the terrorist can even be satisfied if a government responds to terror by clamping down on individual rights and freedoms. Governments that overreact, even in self-defense, may only undermine their own legitimacy, as they unwittingly serve the terrorists' goals. The terrorist succeeds if a government responds to violence with repressive, polarizing behavior that alienates the government from the people...."

"...We have pulled ourselves out of a state of barbarism and removed the affronts to human freedom and dignity that are inherent to that condition. We have sought to free ourselves from that primitive existence described by Hobbes where life is lived in "continual fear and danger of violent death . . . nasty, brutish, and short.' We have sought to create, instead, a world where universal respect for human rights and democratic values makes a better life possible. We in the democracies can attest to all that man is capable of achieving if he renounces violence and brute force, if he is free to think, write, vote, and worship as he pleases. Yet all of these hard-won gains are threatened by terrorism."

"Terrorism is a step backward; it is a step toward anarchy and decay. In the broadest sense, terrorism represents a return to barbarism in the modern age. If the modern world cannot face up to the challenge, then terrorism, and the lawlessness and inhumanity that come with it, will gradually undermine all that the modern world has achieved and make further progress impossible...."

"...And we have to recognize that the burden falls on us, the democracies--no one else will cure the disease for us...."

"...We cannot begin to address this monumental challenge to decent, civilized society until we clear our heads of the confusion about terrorism, in many ways the moral confusion, that still seems to plague us. Confusion can lead to paralysis, and it is a luxury that we simply cannot afford...."

"...We have all heard the insidious claim that "one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter.' When I spoke on the subject of terrorism this past June, I quoted the powerful rebuttal to this kind of moral relativism made by the late Senator Henry Jackson. His statement bears repeating today: "The idea that one person's "terrorist' is another's "freedom fighter,'' he said, "cannot be sanctioned. Freedom fighters or revolutionaries don't blow up p buses containing non-combatants; terrorist murderers do. Freedom fighters don't set out to capture and slaughter school children; terrorist murderers do. Freedom fighters don't assassinate innocent businessmen, or hijack and hold hostage innocent men, women, and children; terrorist murderers do. It is a disgrace that democracies would allow the treasured word "freedom' to be associated with acts of terrorists.' So spoke Scoop Jackson...."

"...We were told that this bombing happened because of a vote we cast in the United Nations, or because of our policies in Lebanon, or because of the overall state of our relations with the Arab nations, or because of our support for Israel...."

"...We have to rid ourselves of this moral confusion which lays the blame for terrorist actions on us or on our policies. We are attacked not because of what we are doing wrong but because of what we are doing right. We are right to support the security of Israel, and there is no terrorist act or threat that will change that firm determination. We are attacked not because of some mistake we are making but because of who we are and what we believe in. We must not abandon our principles, or our role in the world, or our responsibilities as the champion of freedom and peace...."

"...But part of our problem here in the United States has been our seeming inability to understand terrorism clearly. Each successive terrorist incident has brought too much self-condemnation and dismay, accompanied by calls for a change in our policies or our principles or calls for withdrawal and retreat. We should be alarmed. We should be outraged. We should investigate and strive to improve. But widespread public anguish and self-condemnation only convince the terrorists that they are on the right track. It only encourages them to commit more acts of barbarism in the hope that American resolve will weaken."

"This is a particular danger in the period before our election. If our reaction to terrorist acts is to turn on ourselves instead of against the perpetrators, we give them redoubled incentive to do it again and to try to influence our political processes."

"We have to be stronger, steadier, determined, and united in the face of the terrorist threat. We must not reward the terrorists by changing our policies or questioning our own principles or wallowing in self-flagellation or self-doubt. Instead, we should understand that terrorism is aggression and, like all aggression, must be forcefully resisted...."

"...First, our intelligence capabilities, particularly our human intelligence, are being strengthened. Determination and capacity to act are of little value unless we can come close to answering the questions: who, where, and when. We have to do a better job of finding out who the terrorists are; where they are; and the nature, composition, and patterns of behavior of terrorist organizations. Our intelligence services are organizing themselves to do the job, and they must be given the mandate and the flexibility to develop techniques of detection and contribute to deterrence and response."

"Second, there is no question about our ability to use force where and when it is needed to counter terrorism. Our nation has forces prepared for action --from small teams able to operate virtually undetected, to the full weight of our conventional military might. But serious issues are involved--questions that need to be debated, understood, and agreed if we are to be able to utilize our forces wisely and effectively...."

"...What will be required, however, is public understanding before the fact of the risks involved in combating terrorism with overt power."

"The public must understand before the fact that there is potential for loss of life of some of our fighting men and the loss of life of some innocent people."

"The public must understand before the fact that some will seek to cast any preemptive or retaliatory action by us in the worst light and will attempt to make our military and our policymakers-- rather than the terrorists--appear to be the culprits."

"The public must understand before the fact that occasions will come when their government must act before each and every fact is known--and the decisions cannot be tied to the opinion polls...."

"...If we are going to respond or preempt effectively, our policies will have to have an element of unpredictability and surprise. And the prerequisite for such a policy must be a broad public consensus on the moral and strategic necessity of action. We will need the capability to act on a moment's notice. There will not be time for a renewed national debate after every terrorist attack. We may never have the kind of evidence that can stand up in an American court of law. But we cannot allow ourselves to become the Hamlet of nations, worrying endlessly over whether and how to respond. A great nation with global responsibilities cannot afford to be hamstrung by confusion and indecisiveness. Fighting terrorism will not be a clean or pleasant contest, but we have no choice but to play it...."

Secretary of State, George P. Shultz, 1984.

(H.T. Tigerhawk.)

Hola, Amigo

My personal opinion holds that our policies toward illegal Mexican immigrants are in the main destructive to many aspects of our national life. However, there are some aspects of it that may not be as bad as I usually perceive.

This Knight Ridder article by Frank Greve has allowed me to mellow some of my opinions to a degree-- It could be worse. Excerpts:

"Predicted wave of crime by brutal teens never came..."

"A new generation of brutal and remorseless teens was about to savage the nation, leading authorities on juvenile crime warned a decade ago. Millions believed them."

"Conservative criminologist John DiIulio called them "super-predators." He estimated that they'd number nearly 200,000 by now. Even [The normally level-headed Progressive- ed.] Attorney General Janet Reno foresaw violent crime by youths doubling."

"It never happened. Instead, Americans are seeing the sharpest decline in teen crime in modern history. Schools today are as safe as they were in the 1960s, according to Justice Department figures."

One factor listed:

"• Population shifts. The Latino population in central cities swelled as teen crime declined, according to Jeff Roth, a University of Pennsylvania criminologist. Their influx, Roth said, brought more intact families, stronger values, higher religious participation -- and lower crime rates. At the same time, many of the black families they replaced moved to suburbs where poverty was less concentrated. "Kids once confined to the inner city started seeing lifestyles other than the street," Roth said."

Considering the immigration policies and their results in many European countries, ours doesn't seem so bad. It needs a lot of work, but is quite salvageable.

Got this email in response to my column "When Men Act Like Boys:"

Dear Lance,

My name is Randall Shake. I am a twice Married and Divorced Father of 5, and Grandfather. I live in Dallas,Texas in the bible belt. I am by Spiritual Practice a Nichiren Buddhist. And have been defending Christians alot lately as they are the target of Bigotry by the Far Left. The recent law suit by Fathers Rights Groups is long overdue in my opinion.

It raises some serious questions both Conservatives and Liberals refuse to deal with. Men have become Second Class citizens in our culture. With no Reproductive Rights. This law suit strikes at the very heart of the Equal Protection clause of the US Constitution. And it holds the promise of opening a dialog long overdue. Men in the US are tired of No-Fault Divorce and being presented an invoice for their children. With Prison awaiting if they default on payments. Yet with no legal guarantees whatsoever of access to their offspring.

This and the fact that over 70% of Divorces are initiated by Women has led Men to a "Marriage Strike". This has very profound reprecussions for our Republic. One seldom mentioned reality is that our birth rates are only above replacement level due to Anchor Babies. The Babies of Illegal Aliens. Our best and brightest
are not Marrying 22% of Men state they will never Marry. And others are not having children.

When Men have available a safe and effective Means of shutting off the baby Lottery. The Transfer of money to Women from child Support you will hear Women's Groups scream like never before. That day is coming. Men deserve to have choice if Women have choice. Equality has consequences. After decades of having no choice Men are fed up and refuse to play by the rules. Conservatives have been silent about this injustice until very recently.

Regards,

RShake
Dallas,TX

Here's my response:

Mr. Shake, you are correct in most of the things you say. We disagree on what to do about it.

I simply can't agree that men have "no choice." Men do have a choice: keep your pants on.

If men do choose to be sexually active, then we have to accept that there could be consequences, and having the woman make a decision regarding a pregnancy, whether or not we agree with the decision, is one of those consequences.

Women can be irresponsible in ways men can't, in this case: they can choose abortion, or to raise a child without an actively present father. Men have little to no power over this.

But the appropriate response to irresponsibility is not to spread the ability to be irresponsible to more people. It is to demand more responsibility.

Thanks for writing.

Lance

I think Randall found my column via Colleen Hammond, a Texas blogger who linked to it, and who now has a place of honor on my blogroll, foreigner division.

For Me, But Not for Thee

A dedicated U.A.W. member from Janesville was attending a convention in Las Vegas and, as you would expect, decided to check out the local brothels.

When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered.

Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

That's more like it!" the union man said.. He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam.

Then she gestured to a 72-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 53 years seniority and she's next."

(H.T. Wicked Thoughts.)

A Blonde Jokes

A Bureaucrat and his associate were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blonde lady walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said the first, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement & announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

The associate shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde? We ask for the height, and she gives us the length.

Both received promotions and are currently doing government work supervising the reconstruction of those New Orleans Levees.

(H.T. Wicked Thoughts)

Huh?

Carl Limbacher in Newsmax.com reports via the Columbus Free Press on the content of a speech by author Kurt Vonnegut at The Ohio State University:

..."I just want to say that George W. Bush is the syphilis president,” the "Slaughterhouse Five" author opined.

Without elaborating on that insult, Vonnegut quickly segued into his next anti-Bush blast: "The only difference between Bush and Hitler is that Hitler was elected."...

'Brilliant!'

Cole Developing His Personality

I didn't know that Cole had met Grandpa John, Todd, and Lance, but nonetheless he is exhibiting their nerdy influences:



Cole is also showing affectations of too much influence by Nichole, Kim, and Grandma... His usage of eyeshadow shows that he exhibits affinity for crossdressing. (At least his make-up skills are superior to Nichole's.)

Lawyer Steals Cheney's Buckshot

Wicked Thoughts gives some potential newspaper headlines covering Dick Cheney's accidental shooting incident:

Kingsville (TX) Dispatch:
"Sheriff Fines Cheney $100 For Only Wounding Lawyer"

National Review Online:
"Red States Poll Shows Cheney Shooting Was Justifiable"

Dallas Morning News:
"Shot Came From Grassy Knoll"

Austin Statesman:
"Cheney Says Victim's Quail Call Was Best He Ever Heard"

Washington Post:
"Cheney Prevents Hunting Party From Field Dressing Shooting
Victim"

The Nation:
"Cheney Drove Shooting Victim to Hospital Tied to The Hood of His Car"

San Antonio Express/News:
"Sneaky Lawyer Tactics Don't Work On Cheney"

Houston Chronicle:
"Personal Injury Lawyers Hold Candlelight Vigil Outside Cheney Victim Hospital"

Wyoming Tribune Eagle:
"Cheney Friends Decline Fall Duck Hunting Invitation"

La Raza:
"Cheney Shooting Victim Gets Emergency Room Priority Over Illegal Aliens"

Vegan News:
"Cheney Shooting Victim Converts To Vegetarian In Hospital"

NRA American Rifleman:
"Witnesses Claim Cheney Only Feathered Lawyer"

FrontPage Magazine:

Kurds and Whey


BBC Photo (Added names mine)

Ben Farmer in the Daily Mail on March 7, 2006, entitled this piece, 'Time-warp Family Who Walk on All Fours'.

..."Professor Nicholas Humphrey, evolutionary psychologist at the London School of Economics, visited the family twice. He said: "It's amazing as an example of a strange, strange aberration of human development. But their interest is how they can live in the modern world.""

"The five are all mentally retarded. Their mother and father, who are closely related are believed to have handed down a unique combination of genes which result in the behaviour."

"Some researchers argue the genetic fault has caused the brothers and sisters to regress to a form of 'backward evolution'. Others believe it has led to brain damage which has allowed them to develop the walk."...

My follow up genealogical research shows that another less developed branch closely related to this family has emerged as the modern Leftist Democratic Party. Their genealogical name is 'Whey'.

(The Burri family is closely related as well. However, we are just slightly higher on the tree.)

A Bubble Burst

The latest scientific research has exploded a much ballyhooed enviromentalist myth. It was once thought that carbon dioxide emissions produced by the internal combustion engine was responsible for the massive infusion of this polluting gas into the atmosphere accelerating gobal warming, herpes, bird flu, itchy privates, mad cow disease, terrorism, and the George W. Bush presidency.

The latest scientific data, however, is undeniable. The statistics garnered in the newest study funded by American Dairy Association and General Motors points the finger of blame directly at the CO2 emissions spewed forth by the opening and consumption of beer, champagne, and carbonated non-alcoholic beverages.

In response to this latest epiphany, all major breweries and soda manufacturers-- all faithful worshippers of Gaia-- are introducing product lines of 'flat beer' and 'popless pop'. Their researchers predict that global warming should be drastically reduced by the year 2010 and that George W. Bush will not be elected president again in 2008.

For the first time ever, the turning of the Chicago River green during this year's St. Patrick's Day celebration will have a positive symbolic global meaning.

Got milk?

I Am Outraged



I am preparing for the upcoming offensive onslaught of insensitivity. On or around March 17th dullards will approach me with the callous greeting, "Happy St. Patrick's Day." How rude can one be? Don't they understand that celebrating the life of an oppressive Christian missionary offends the sensibilities of non-Christians?

I propose that we all just say, "Happy Holiday" and then drink until we puke. I'm sure Mr. Patrick would be satisfied with that. Remember... no green anything allowed in the public schools that day.

Don't Void Your Wudu by Getting a Nagasah

Holy Medina, There's a Pizzy in the Hizzy!

I know that it's March, but I've barely gotten over my hangover from celebrating the Chinese New Year. I still have the firecrackers going off in my head and suffer seeing pink dragons in my delirium tremens. My red clothes are threadbare and my floor hasn't been swept since early January.

My major concern during all this has been my great offense against Muslims. My celebration of the new year is in collaboration with 2006, the Year of the Dog. Traditional Muslims regard dogs as unclean and even the touching of one would void their ablution (Wudu) and cause them impure filth. (Nagasah)

Chinese throughout the world must be on guard against terror attacks because of their audacity to proclaim this the of the Year of the Dog. Muhammad himself had purportedly ordered that all dogs be killed, or perhaps just the black ones, or maybe the black ones with two white spots that were Satan incarnate.

Far worse, however, is that, starting on February 18, 2007, the Chinese will usher in the Year of the Pig. That's bad enough to cause some Islamofascists to French-kiss Lassie! I'll begin warning Westerners now-- get out of Hong Kong!

We thought that the reaction to Winnie the Pooh and his friend Piglet was bad. We thought the riots over a few cartoons were serious. What will happen when one of the most populated nations on Earth exalts the Pig for a full year? I theorize that Iran's potential for nuking Israel is simply a ruse. They will continue to prepare for a surprise nuclear attack on China.

I find their lack of faith...disturbing.

Let the Iraqis Be More Like the Swiss

Walter Williams correctly criticizes the misuse of the term 'Democracy' when one is actually referring to a representative constitutional republic.

..."In Iraq, Arabs are about 75 percent of the population, Kurds about 20 percent and Turkomen and Assyrian the balance. Religiously, Shia are about 60 percent of the population, Sunni 35 percent with Christian and other religions making up the balance. If a majority-rule democracy emerges, given the longstanding hate and distrust among ethnic/religious groups, it's a recipe for conflict. The reason is quite simple. Majority rule is a zero-sum game with winners and losers, with winners having the power to impose their wills on the minority. Conflict emerges when the minority resists."

"The ideal political model for Iraq is Switzerland's cantonal system. Historically, Switzerland, unlike most European countries, was made up of several different major ethnic groups -- Germans, French, Italians and Rhaeto-Romansch. Over the centuries, conflicts have arisen between these groups, who differ in language, religion (Catholic and Protestant) and culture. The resolution to the conflict was to allow the warring groups to govern themselves."

"Switzerland has 26 cantons. The cantons are divided into about 3,000 communes. Switzerland's federal government controls only those interests common to all cantons -- national defense, foreign policy, railways and the like. All other matters are controlled by the individual cantons and communes. The Swiss cantonal system enables people of different ethnicity, language, culture and religion to live at peace with one another. As such, Switzerland's political system is well suited to an ethnically and religiously divided country such as Iraq."...

It has long been known, but very poorly reported, that the Swiss-Americans are by far the most intelligent population, not only within the U.S., but throughout the world. (As Walter Williams must well know.) I think I will consider this deeply as I perform maintenance on my Swiss Army Knife and review its 834 functions. And I would rather watch 'Heidi' that suffer through a Jets game.

Cheese, anyone?

Summers' Fallout

William Stuntz in an article entitled 'Future Shock' written in The New Republic equates the difficulties that GM now finds itself in with a similar potential of the elite universities. Here are the first three paragraphs:

"Fifty years ago, General Motors was on top of the world--and knew it. GM dominated the American automobile market, and the American market dominated the world. Every year, another line of Chevrolets and Buicks rolled out, pretty much the same as the last, save for the shape of the tailfins. Millions bought them. Wages rose and benefits increased. If costs were higher, customers seemed happy to pay. What could possibly go wrong?"

"Plenty. Today, GM is on the brink of bankruptcy. The standard line in news coverage is that health care and retirement benefits were too generous, and there is some truth to that. But the roots of this soon-to-be corporate failure lie in the way GM handled its success. Instead of using its market share and cash flow to invest in innovation and greater efficiency, GM sat on its lead. It worked well for the managers and factory workers of the 1950s: They got theirs. But because they got theirs, today's workers are about to get nothing."

"Harvard is the General Motors of American universities: rich, bureaucratic, and confident--a deadly combination. Fifty years from now, Larry Summers's resignation will be known as the moment when Harvard embraced GM's fate. From now on, the decline will likely be steep. And not only at Harvard: Among research universities as in the car market of generations past, other American institutions will follow the market leaders, straight to the bottom. The only question is who gets to play the role of Toyota in this metaphor."

Living in a small GM driven town, the General Motors situation is a big deal. Living in the U.S., the university situation is also a big deal. Returning to sanity for both situations would be very, very good.

Check this out:



It's from this website - type in a name, and it shows you the distribution of people with that name.

Whoever started this is from Italy, so you can look there, too. There are a few Italian Burris:



Hat tip to Jib.

Here's that website again: http://www.gens-us.net/map/genera.html

This is the 1000th post on Grandpa John's.

In your face, Steve.

We were nowhere near Detroit that day, I swear!

Boy, 12, Sticks Gum on $1.5M Painting

DETROIT - A 12-year-old visitor to the Detroit Institute of Arts stuck a wad of gum to a $1.5 million painting, leaving a stain the size of a quarter, officials say.

The boy was part of a school group from Holly that visited the museum on Friday, officials say. They say he took a piece of Wrigley's Extra Polar Ice gum out of his mouth and stuck it on Helen Frankenthaler's "The Bay," an abstract painting from 1963.

The museum acquired the work in 1965 and says it is worth about $1.5 million.

The gum stuck to the painting's lower left corner and did not adhere to the fiber of the canvas, officials told the Detroit Free Press. But it left a chemical residue about the size of a quarter, said Becky Hart, assistant curator of contemporary art.

The museum's conservation department is researching the chemicals in the gum to decide which solvent to use to clean it. The museum hopes to make the repair in two weeks and will keep "The Bay" on display in the meantime, she said.

"Our expectation is that the painting is going to be fine," Hart said.

Holly Academy director Julie Kildee said the boy had been suspended from the charter school and says his parents also have disciplined him.

"Even though we give very strict guidelines on proper behavior and we hold students to high standards, he is only 12 and I don't think he understood the ramifications of what he did before it happened, but he certainly understands the severity of it now," said Kildee.

Prescription for Leinies Overdose

Wicked Thoughts offers some sound Southern advice to members of the Badger Blog Alliance:

"Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them."

Jib, do Milton pizzarias deliver to Fort Atkinson? Perhaps Mr. Ponce also would like to know. Inebriated minds gots to know.