The silver lining

In the Year 2020
A Grandpa John's Exclusive

I make no claims to have heard, 'Thus saith the LORD', nor have 'crossed over' with the demons of a Nostradamus, nor have the on screen presence of Barbara Walters. I have, however, read fortune cookies and have located Al Gore's mathematical formula used to insert selected historical, scientific data to prove the coming enviromental apocalypse.

Using Gore's complex formula along with my 89 cent Wal Mart calculator, I have been able to plug in data from other sociopolitical trends and now feel confident that the world situation in the year 2020 can be accurately predicted. (That is, if life on this planet survives that long.)

In the political realm of 2020, Hillary Clinton will have overcome her intimidating sexual power and will be ready to be elected President. Sharon Stone will still trying to be sexy and her movies will be big hits in nursing homes. She will have had so many 'tummy tucks' that, at certain camera angles, her pubic hair will appear to be a goatee.

John Kerry will have a plan and could do better. In this he has never flip-flopped.

The Democratic Party will have been taken over by the far Leftists in the likeness of Daily Kos, Huffpo, and the Democratic Underground. Howard Dean will still be heading the Party and will somehow have become even more strangely bizarre. By 2020 they may have already undergone a name change to the 'Saviors of the Dying World Party'. Party members' speech will have evolved to such a high level that normal patterns in print would look something like this: "@#*&@!#+~bushitler@$&%^!*@#!!!!" In more traditional dialect, the speech would resemble this: "F-ing Stalin, Castro, and f-ing Chavez were too f-ing conservative!" Many Democratic men will experience periodic endometrial slough, suffer severe bloating, and PMS. Cindy Sheehan will be camping out along the road in Crawford, Texas.

Congress will be hotly debating immigration reform.

Universal health care will be a great success in the United States. Life expectancy will be 55 for American men and 56 for women. The death rate while waiting in line will be 18%.

The life expentancy for thin smokers will surpass that of obese non-smokers, which will exceed that of health nuts. Health nuts' deaths will mostly be due to accidental deaths while primping in full length mirrors or watching videos of themselves while driving.

The New York Times will blame Bush and Christians for all the evil that inexplicably still remains. Their mission statement will have changed from 'All the news that's fit to print' to 'All our fits make news to print'. Both readers laud the changes.

Barry Bonds will still be investigated by a grand jury. An indictment will be predicted. Brett Favre will decide to play one more year. George Foreman will be making a comeback in the ring. The Yankee's payroll will exceed 87 Billion dollars. The Cubs will have won a World Series. (Who says that cheap calculators don't have a sense of humor?)

Madison, Wisconsin will have instituted its 'smart growth' policies. Its entire population has been herded into condos inside a 'Mall of America' style high-rise covering only one square mile within the city. The Madison Mall also houses schools, hospitals, shops, and gang-banger areas. A farting ban has been instituted for the sake of public health. The only citizens not required to live in the Mall are the mayor, councilpersons, and members of Progressive Dane.

The University of Wisconsin Chancellor, Kevin Barrett has appointed Ward Churchill to head the Social Sciences Department and Deborah Frisch to the top post in Health Sciences.

The Badgers win National Championships in football, basketball, track, cross-country, wrestling, and hockey. (Who says cheap calculators can't dream big?)

There are many other scenarios that can be scientifically predicted with certainty using Al Gore's infallible formula. However, the battery on my cheap calculator has run out of juice and it will take me until the year 2020 to save enough money to pay the hazardous waste disposal fee in order to replace it with a new one costing $1.89.

Do we know these people?

Or can we at least sue them for copyright infringement?

Engagement: Perronne-Burri

Jody Perronne and Vincent Burri, Jr. are engaged to be married.

Their parents are Eugene and Gene Perronne of Cascade, Vincent and Tina Burri of Cleveland and Mary Burri and fiance Ben Dickman of Sheboygan Falls.

The future bride is a 2001 graduate of Plymouth Comprehensive High School and a 2005 graduate from Lakeshore Technical College, earning an associate's degree in nursing. She is a registered nurse at Aurora Sheboygan Memorial Medical Center.

Her fiance is a 2001 graduate of Sheboygan South High School. He is employed by Oostburg Concrete.

A wedding is planned for June 9, 2007.

White and Brown Rice

A common criticism of the Bush administration's handling of the war on terror is well depicted in an article by Gary Hart(pence), Welcome to the Hornet's Nest posted on 7/14/2006.

"Sometime in the fall of 2002, I likened a U.S. invasion of Iraq to "kicking open a hornets' nest." I predicted that, if the Iraqis decided to fight in the cities, our casualties would be between five and ten thousand U.S. troops at least. Now, U.S. casualties exceed 20,000." (John Kerry was a casualty in Viet Nam... several times.)

"But the "hornets' nest" I predicted was not just an interminable and intractable U.S. occupation of Iraq. It was wider war in the Middle East. The larger hornets' nest is now swarming."

One's initial response to the use of this metaphor may be that it effectually depicts a terrible mistake. However, upon further review... it actually hoists the author on his own petard.

Back in the day, down on the farm, Grandpa John, Grandpa Jerry, and I would find a hornets' nest situated high under the eaves of our two-story house or the machine shed. We would choose an attack by one of three weapons at our disposal; rocks, a water hose with spray nossle, or a Daisy BB gun. After initiating a pre-emptive strike in hopes of knocking down the nest, we would run like the dickens. We 'kicked open a hornets' nest'. We, being on the cutting edge, acted like good Liberals and ran away to hide, 'talking big' to mask our knocking knees.

But the metaphor continues. The hornets are there. If the nest isn't knocked down and destroyed it will grow and actively expand the hornet population. Normal human action in the area will increase hazardous interaction with the hornets; their lifestyles will be severely altered. Men, women, and children will be more greatly endangered, even in the simplest activities.

Taking our cues from General Douglas McArthur, we returned, doing whatever we found necessary to destroy that hornets' nest.

It seems that Mr. Hart(pence) is continually troubled by women named Rice. One was photographed sitting on his lap, the other kills the hornets from which Gary hides.

Yer Joshin' Me, Right?

I regularly read labels on food products. I was surprised to read on the back of one jar of peanut butter, "Caution- contains peanuts." To avoid the inevitable lawsuits they should have added, "After consuming this product, do not kiss anyone without wearing a proper prophylactic device."

"It's All Over For Him"

That was the statement on everyone's lips concerning American threat Floyd Landis in this year's Tour de France.

Two days ago, after stage 15, Landis was situated in the yellow jersey, 10 seconds ahead of Spain's Oscar Pereiro. Pereiro is somewhat lightly regarded in this event so Floyd was considered 'in the driver's seat' as many of the main challengers were more than 2 minutes back.

Yesterday, stage 16 also took place in the French Alps. Floyd cracked-- big time. He finished 23rd in the stage, finished over 10 minutes behind the stage winner, Michael Rasmussen. Landis dropped the 11th overall, over 8 minutes behind Pereiro.

"It's all over for him."

Today's stage 17 was a murderous one; over 200 Km with several very hard climbs. Landis, who one writer now labeled 'The Raging Phonak Freak', blew away the field and won the stage by 5 minutes and 42 seconds.

In a post race interview, Landis simply stated, "I'm back."

In the overall classification, Landis came up to 3rd place, 30 seconds out of the yellow jersey worn by Pereiro.

Tomorrow's stage is relatively flat and no one expects any lead changes. Saturday's time trial should prove to produce this year's champion.

I expect that Floyd Landis will ride Sunday's final stage to Paris wearing the yellow jersey and produce the Tour's 8th straight American champion.

Today's performance by Floyd Landis was one of the greatest individual performances that I have ever witnessed in sports.

"I don't care about winning today's stage. I want to win the race."

I swear to God, that fish was this big!

This Day in Wisconsin History

I'd meant to post this last week.

On This Day in Wisconsin History (July 14): the temperature in Ashland reached a scalding 115 degrees. This temperature was recorded outside Harrison's Drug Store, around 2:00 p.m. [Source: The 'B' Book II by Tony Woiak, p. 85]

So let's all just quit kvetching about the weather, shall we?

Bobbing and Weaving

Gagdad:

"For history must be lived in the light of something that is beyond it, something it is aiming for, something that reveals its meaning and purpose. This something is not found within history, but above history. The Islamists would like to impose something on us from below history, while the Left wants to impose something on us that they think is inside history, but can never actually be found there."

Bad Pun of the Day

Kentucky Derby winner, Barbaro, is listed in critical, but stable, condition.

Finally... The U.N. Takes a Stand

"Tequila may have blurred the memory of many a drinker, but the agave fields that produce it won't soon be forgotten after UNESCO put them on its list of World Heritage sites."1

I personally don't have any history with Tequila, but have often seen its effect upon others. Maybe it should have been placed on the 'Terrorist List' instead.

Most Excellent Student

Cole is quite sharp for an 18 month old. He has easily learned some deep philosophical truths and applies this knowledge properly. He often exhibits the following response while hanging around too much with Grandma Linda, Nichole, and Kimberly.

France: Hey, You, American.
Yer Yella

But that's a good thing!
American Floyd Landis takes the yellow jersey after the 11th stage of the Tour de France. Landis finished third behind stage winner Denis Menchov of Russia and Levi Leipheimer of the U.S., all having the same time. Six hour and six minutes over 128 miles in the French and Spanish Pyrenees. This mountain stage contained four category one climbs and one climb without category. This roughly translates to a ride 3/4 of the way to the moon straight up.

Landis took the yellow jersey from Frenchman Cyril Dessel by eight seconds. Leipheimer jumped from 58th place to 13th overall. Other Americans are not doing so well. The American Discovery Channel team also is faltering. Landis rides for Phonak, while Leipheimer rides for Gerolsteiner.

Floyd Landis, a Mennonite, suffers from osteonecrosis of the hip and will require hip replacement surgery after the Tour. This is the same disease with which Bo Jackson suffered, ending his football career.

Master Card Classic

Now I have to spend the rest of the day wiping up the mouthful of coffee I spewed when I first saw this off of my computer, books, and desk. (And most of you know how big my mouth is.)

(H.T. John Ray.)

To Solve a Problem

The University of Wisconsin is presently under the gun for hiring and keeping Kevin Barrett as an instructor of Cultural Folklore.

Taking the focus off of this controversy should be an easy task. Hire Professor Deborah Frisch to teach in the Psychology Department. She is currently unemployed and available.

Update: I believe Professor Ward Churchill has also shown interest.

We Should Follow the European Example-
Estonia, Anyway

"Liberty is something that, when it's there, you maybe are not noticing it, but you understand absolutely when you don't have it."...

..."Of course it is not a prize for me. It is a prize for my countrymen and country, because the government's task is only to make the conditions. The people are the ones who are doing the miracles." -Mart Laar, former Prime Minister of Estonia, during an interview with Steve Stanek after receiving the 2006 Friedman Prize.


"Mart Laar was barely 32 years old in 1992, when he became prime minister of Estonia, a small nation on the Baltic Sea that had just emerged from decades of Communist oppression as a satellite state of the Soviet Union."

"He inherited leadership of a country with 1,000 percent inflation, 30 percent unemployment, and government-owned businesses that were a shambles. Laar's government removed price controls, cut regulations and welfare programs, sold state-owned businesses, introduced a new currency, and instituted a simple, flat-rate income tax that is being emulated in countries across Central and Eastern Europe. The rate has been lowered several times over the years and is now at 20 percent."

"The result? Inflation in Estonia has dropped below 3 percent, unemployment has plunged below 6 percent, and foreign investment has poured in. Estonia has enjoyed the greatest growth in real per-capita income of any of the former Soviet states. Today the country is a member of NATO, the European Union, and the World Trade Organization."

In this short interview, Laar touches on Communism, freedom & liberty, economics, logic, American politicians, and the flat tax.

Party on Koshkonong

Taylor and Nathanial cater the feast for Jerry and Cheryl's shindig.
(Click on photos, then click again for enlargement)

Cole arrives and tears up the back yard on his Harley.


Kayla socializes with Jerry and Cheryl's Squatter Frog/Toad.
(That's Kayla on the right!)


Whenever Lance mentions anything conservative, it turns Grandpa John into Grumpa John. Kirstin just pretends she didn't hear anything.


Some of the Burris just sitting around.
(What is unusual is catching Mari Jo seated.)


Whatever it was, the joke must've been on Lance.

We all had a wonderful evening. The weather was perfect, the fireworks display over Lake Koshkonong was dandy, and Jerry and Cheryl were extremely gracious hosts. We thank you.

Early to Bed and Early to Rise...

Included in a Slate article by Christopher Hitchens:

"A recent nighttime photograph of the Korean peninsula from outer space shows something that no "free-world" propaganda could invent:..."

...Makes Kim Jong-il Wealthy
While His Countryman Dies.

(With apologies to Benjamin Franklin.)


(H.T. The Good Lieutenant.)

New York Times Executive Editor,
Bill 'Teller' Keller

Lost among much of the controversy surrounding the recent journalistic activities of Bill Keller are the facts of his courage, patriotism, and faithful adherence to the principles of quality journalism. To be sure, there are no finer American aspirations than free speech, free press, and the public's right to know.

Neither his actions nor the vitriolic responses are of the 'billy-come-lately' variety. His truthfulness has a long history. Little Billy reported to his mommy that daddy fed her made-from-scratch 'Chicken Cordon Bleu' to Fido when she wasn't looking.

On the first day of elementary school, Billy leaked the news that little Mary Ellen was a bed wetter. On the playground, he headlined that Santa Claus wasn't real. In response, at Little Travis Washington's birthday party, the featured game was 'Pin the Tattletale on the Honky' using a poster of little Billy's likeness.

While attending San Mateo's Junipero Sierra High School, Billy's athletic careers were egregiously cut short. As a talented catcher, Billy would source the pitch and location to the batter. As a sure-handed tight end, he would report the offensive play to the defense. Both athletic programs abrogated Billy's First Amendment rights by releasing him from the teams.

Bill's adult professional courage has been well documented. However, there is one report by Keller that is not so well known. When his wife asks the inevitable, "Does this dress make me look fat?", Bill answers, "Why, no, dear, it looks great on you!"

Coward.

Yada, Yada, Yada... Blah, Blah, Blah

Mark Goldblatt has written an essay about the philosophical differences between rational humanism and postmodernism. To me it also explains the differences between the classical liberal and those leftists of today who call themselves liberals/progressives.

Can Humanists Talk to Postmodernists?

Excerpts:

"They meet, for example, in faculty dining rooms and on payroll lines, and they discuss, for example, whether the cafeteria chili should be avoided or whether their health plans cover anti-depressants."

"By a "humanist," I mean a person who believes that human beings can formulate true or false opinions about a reality that exists independently of their thoughts and language--and that the truth or falsehood of such opinions is gauged by their correspondence with empirical evidence analyzed in light of fundamental rational principles. By a "postmodernist," I mean a person who believes that the perception of a reality existing independently of thought and language is illusory, that what the humanist perceives as reality is in fact a linguistic construct of the phenomena of subjective experience that is continually adjusted in response to a fluid social consensus."

"According to Foucault, it is the metaphysics of the "phantasm" behind which "it is useless to seek a more substantial truth" (ibid). Common sense is the enemy for Foucault because it carries "the tyranny of goodwill, the obligation to think 'in common' with others, the domination of a pedagogical model, and most importantly--the exclusion of stupidity" (181). Because a metaphysics based on common sense and goodwill--in other words, a humanist metaphysics--excludes stupidity, Foucault argues, "we must liberate ourselves from these constraints; and in perverting this morality, philosophy itself is disoriented" (ibid). How, then, do we get with the new metaphysical ellipse and thereby become fashionably stupid? According to Foucault, stupidity-

...requires thought without contradiction, without dialectics, without negation; thought that accepts divergence; affirmative thought whose instrument is disjunction . . . What is the answer to the question? The problem. How is the problem resolved? By displacing the question (185)."

"Still, he insists that traditional humanist logic in general, and the law of non-contradiction in particular, must be abandoned as part of a heroic intellectual movement, a counter-counterreformation, in which accusations of stupidity become badges of courage."

"Without the law of non-contradiction, no one can ever demonstrate that you're wrong."

"What Cro-Magnon Man intuited, Postmodern Man has come to disavow. The schism is not merely academic but evolutionary."

"Postmodernism, in fact, constitutes an explicit rejection of the element of sapientia in homo sapiens, as evidenced by the epistemological nihilism in the literary critic Jane Tompkins’s remark that "there really are no facts except as they are embedded in some particular way of seeing the world" (577)."

"Tompkins’s claim, from a humanist perspective, must therefore be taken as mystical--a conclusion she reached despite evidence rather than because of it. But mystics cannot be rationally engaged. Their testimonies are not subject to verification or falsification."

"What Eagleton is doing, in other words, is feigning logical analysis, utilizing sly terminological shifts to obscure a calculated series of non sequiturs, thus allowing the impression that he is still working within the standard humanist framework--a framework wherein premises must be constantly examined for hidden biases and logical rules rigorously followed to produce defensible conclusions."

""What you choose and reject theoretically," Eagleton contends, "depends on what you are practically trying to do" (211). Since, moreover, Eagleton himself happens to reject the ideology of capitalism, the notion of competing within a marketplace of ideas--a capitalist metaphor if ever there was one--is inimical to what he’s trying to do." (Emphasis mine)

Can a humanist talk to a postmodernist. No.

Can a postmodernist talk to another postmodernist? No.

Can a postmodernist talk to himself? No. He's not really saying anything.

(H.T. Doug Groothuis.)

The African Queen

Although I have watched The African Queen several times, I had never noted this cleverly placed cultural comment.

Just before they were to be hanged as spies, Charlie (Bogart) requests that the German ship captain perform a marriage between him and Rosie. (Hepburn)

Captain: "Very well, if you wish it absolutely. What are the names again?"
Charlie: "Charles."
Rose: "Rosie... Rose."
Captain: "Do you, Charles, take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?"
Charlie: "Yes, sir."
Captain: "Do you, Rose, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?"
Rose: "I do."
Captain: "By the authority vested in me by Kaiser Wilhelm II, I pronounce you man and wife. Proceed with the execution."

The German Supreme Court then reversed the ship captain's verdict and sentence citing the prohibition of double jeopardy in German law.

The Gospel of Moonbatthew 6:6-66

"Then Cindy Sheehan was led by a spirit into Crawford to be tempted by Moonbattebub. After fasting for forty minutes and forty seconds she was hungry. A vision of The Burger King came to her and said, "If you are the chosen one, tell this soil to become ratatouille.""

"Cindy answered and said, "It is reported: Asshats do not live by ratatouille alone, but on every word that proceeds from the mouth of the MSM.""

"Then Justice Stevens took her to Washington, D.C., the holy city, and had her to stand on the highest point of the Supreme Court Building. "If you are the daughter of Gaia", he said, "Cast yourself down. For it is written: "She will command her sprites concerning you, and they will break your fall lest you bump your head and learn some sense.""

"Cindy answered him and said, "Our great Mother has also written, "Don't run with scissors or jump off buildings... you could poke your eye out.""

"Again, Marx took her to a very high mountain and showed her all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. "All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me."

"Cindy answered him and said, "Away from me, Dead White Northern European Male! For I have written: "Worship me and serve myself only.""

Then the tempter left Cindy alone, and New York Times reporters came and attended to her."

Celebration of Dependence Day

July 4th, 1776-- the day declared to be Independence Day. Today we celebrate that event. We celebrate that independence, liberty, and freedom that was first written on mere paper and spoken to all who would listen. One could infer that we are celebrating characters of ink placed on specially processed cellulose with modulations of moving air through specific contractions and relaxations of vocal cords. No wonder the American July 4th is a national celebration.

Perhaps there is more to it than that. The ink, parchment, and verbiage had to repulse the most powerful military force of its day. After years of horrific hardship these upstarts had finally done it; they had earned their independence, liberty, and freedom. However, this was a mere pebble among the Himalayas.

Independence, liberty, and freedom. Contrary to what meanings our modern culture may place on those words now, in the latter 1700's it meant independence, liberty, and freedom FROM ENGLISH RULE; that which was deemed tyrannical from a distance.

To the founding fathers as well as the rest of toddling America, independence, liberty, and freedom meant massively greater responsibility heaped upon their backs. They had not only turned a wealthy benefactor into an opponent and rival, they now had to build from scratch a community of 13 separate entities into one unit to defend against and build within a hostile wilderness. Their independence, liberty, and freedom was an even greater dependence. They were more dependent upon their own responsible activity, their families, and their communities, including local, state, and national civil governments.

Today's connotation of independence, liberty, and freedom usually falls far short of the actual responsibilities and dependence that these words necessarily assume.

Today we can freely celebrate our independence, originally from English rule, but now also from Nazi, Japanese, Soviet, Chinese, and Islamofascist rule. We can take the time to celebrate because of our voluntary and successful interdependence with our families, friends, neighbors, the military, police, firemen, plumbers, educators, engineers, electricians, construction workers, farmers, retailers, medical professionals,.......etc.......etc.......etc......., used car salesmen, lawyers, and politicians. (I tried to fit actors and pop music stars in there, but couldn't seem to make them fit.) Without dependence upon this multitude of 'others' we each would be dead or suffering in squalor and/or slavery.

Was someone forgotten and left out? Hmmm.... Oh, yeah. To Him in whom I depend upon for my life, breath, and total being; now and for eternity. In Christ Jesus is life and all liberty.

July 4th-- another special day of Thanksgiving... much like the 3rd and 5th.

Peg-Legging Toward the White House

About every generation or so, a super crime-fighter frags organized crime, makes a name for himself, and eventually heads toward inhabiting the White House.

In the 1960's, Attorney General Robert Kennedy reeked havoc on the Mafia. Of course, his trek to the White House was ruthlessly cut short on the campaign trail.

In the 1980's, Rudy Giuliani investigated, prosecuted, and convicted over 4,000 drug dealers, organized crime figures, corrupt government officials, and white collar criminals. Today many feel that he is material suited for the White House.

This generation has produced another crime-fighter of this infamous genre. I am referring to Wisconsin AG Peg Lautenschlager. Not long ago she bogged down the violent Wisconsin Cranberry Producers Cartel. Not content to rest on her laurels, she is now taking another evil cabal to the cleaners: the terroristic al-Rubber Ducky Racers. These illegal activities are used to launder money for criminal organizations such as Underprivileged Children's After School Programs.

These are dangerous people that our heroic AG is taking on. If she successfully survives her mission, Peg Lautenschlager should move straight to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Proud to be a Cheesehead?
Thank a Burri!

Robert Burri, Swiss bacteriologist, born July 13, 1867, Cham; died May 16, 1952*, Bern.

"1895-1899 he was an assistant at the agricultural-chemical experimental institute in Zürich. From 1897 he worked in agricultural bacteriology, and from 1899 to 1907 he was head of the Swiss institute for dairy industry and bacteriology at Bern-Liebefeld."

"Burri is reckoned a pioneer in milk- and dairy bacteriology. Of particular importance is his ink procedure for microscopically controlled production of bacterial monocultures, as smear procedure in vitro for anaerobics, and the anaerobic closure of test tubes."

"Robert Burri was a corresponding member of the American Society for Microbiology from 1919. In 1945 he was president of the World Federation/association of dairy industries."1

Associated eponyms:

Burri's single cell culture
A bacterial monoculture.

Burri's procedure
A procedure using ink for negative demonstration of microorganisms.

Burri's staining method
Method for investigating nonstained bacteria on stained ground.

*(While on his deathbed, Robert fretted that there would be no one to carry on the Burri name with class and dignity. When he finally received the news that I was born 3 days earlier (no internet in 1952), he became overjoyed and was able to die peacefully with a big, cheesy smile on his face.)

Bonus for tee bee!

Proud to be an Apiarian?- Thank a Burri!

"...One year later, at the meeting of Swiss beekeepers on the 28th of August 1904 in Sarnen, Burri presented his results on American foul brood. By means of a bacteriological test he was able to show, that the so called foul brood disease consisted in fact of two different diseases, American and European foul brood, both caused by specific bacteria."

"It was important for the foundation of the bee research unit in Liebefeld, that Robert Burri, the discoverer of the European foul brood, was nominated head of the Liebefeld Research Institute in 1907."2

Moral of the story: Burris have helped with the foul brood, but as for a foul mood... you're on your own.

Photography by Burri

(Rene Burri in 1963)

"Che! Cuidado! George Bush is after you!"


"Ay, caramba! That Burri hombre is such a jokster! Get me some clean pantalones, por favor... Then we will execute some more bourgeoisie."

More Reason for the French to Hate Americans

Discovery Channel team rider, American George Hincapie, took the yellow jersey after stage 1 of the Tour de France today. He took a two second lead over yesterday's yellow jersey wearer, Thor Hushovd, who won the individual time trial on the Tour's initial day.

Although the two riders finished today's stage with the 'same time', Hincapie cleverly sneaked some sprint time in the middle of the race that placed him in the overall lead at the stage's end.

Near the end of today's stage, Hushovd's right arm was slashed by a cardboard 'hand' that a fan was holding out over the barricade. (They should use foam!) Al-Qaeda's Osama bin-Laden has taken credit for the attack.

This should earn the Guiness Book of World Records entry for the world's worst paper cut.

Hincapie: "I worked super hard to start the Tour de France in great shape,..." No kidding!

Hee-Haww, Hee-Haww!

The donkey as political symbol stems from the 1828 presidential campaign-- during which Andrew Jackson's name was mispronounced as "Jackass" by his political opposition . Jackson proudly seized the label and began using donkeys on his campaign posters. During his presidency, cartoonists sometimes used the donkey to illustrate President Jackson's stubbornness on certain issues.

Back in this era the donkey was used as a symbol. But, as one old adage states, "That which one generation uses in moderation, the next will use to excess." Modern Democrats have proved the wisdom of this maxim. What was once a simple symbol, the donkey, has now burgeoned into complex reality, the jackass. (Some may say that while growing up we called John, our oldest brother, Jack because our dad was also named John. Thinking more deeply, however, it may have been more nuanced than that.)

Peter, Paul, &..."Shule, shule, shule-a-roo,
Shule-a-rak-shak, shule-a-ba-ba-coo.
When I saw my Sally Babby Beal,
come bibble in the boo shy Lorey."

Here is one's claimed experience of the talented Mary Travers:

"I traveled far and near, treking across all the continents, even going so far as stopping by Arecibo to listen into space; all in my quest to bring you the world's most ungrateful and low-class person. Get ready to celebrate with me because I've found her. It's Mary Travers, who after receiving a required bone marrow transplant for leukemia, insulted the person whose generosity made her survival possible:

"I had to have a bone marrow transplant. It's been a terrible year," she told me. "I just learned the donor's name is also Mary. She has two daughters. I have two daughters. See, just in case something goes wrong, you must wait a year before you can communicate with them.

...Mary laughed and added: "The problem was, I'm a lifelong Democrat. I was terrified that if she's a Republican, I could go into the voting booth and, like Dr. Strangelove, my whole brain could change around. When we finally spoke I asked her about this. There was a pause then she said, 'But I am a Republican.' So I said, 'Well, hell, I guess it's about time the Republicans did something nice for me.' "

I bet the donor got a good chuckle out of that, and as everyone knows, having a good laugh from a shot taken at you is much better than receiving a thank you from a person grateful for your life-saving kindness. It made the surgical procedure where, under anesthesia, the doctors used special, hollow needles to withdraw the liquid marrow from the back of her pelvic bones all worthwhile."1

(Dimes to doughnuts, she was a Christian, too. Heh!)



New on the Endangered Species List

Grandpa John's - New and Improved!

Like the comedian said, if it's new and improved now, what kind of crap were you selling me before?

I've made three changes here at Grandpa John's - like the time I changed Todd's answering machine message when we were in college, I figured I better do it while I still have the key.

First, we can use titles now. You don't have to, but it looks cool.

Second, I added a links list. It's no problem to add more links, if you want. Let me know if you need help.

And third, anybody looking at Grandpa John's using Internet Explorer couldn't see the sidebar unless they paged all the way down. A strange and annoying bug. I fixed it. Wasn't easy. Praise me, all.

Enjoy!