AARP Zorro Saves Train from Banditos

How To Beat Hillary
Free Advice to Democrat Presidential Wannabees

Normally I would not be one to give a Democrat presidential hopeful sure-fire advice to beat a favored competitor in their primary, but occasionally I still have acid flashbacks that whisk me back to my Liberal days of the 1970's.

Beyond the superficial hype, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton has little to commend her for deserving a four year residence in the White House other than eight years of baking Mary Jane brownies for visitors during her husband's two terms. Nonetheless, she is the leading Democrat candidate for 2008. Unless something changes drastically, she will be the Democrat nominee.

For Senator Obama or John Edwards there is one simple tack that they should take to propel them past Hillary with likely Democrat primary voters. One or both of them should begin portraying Clinton as a female version of George W. Bush.

Hillary R. Bush has stated that she will not pull troops out of Iraq. She sided with Bushhitler on the illegal immigration issue. The documents in the Clinton Presidential Library would show that she is 'W's long lost twin. Insert your own claim of 'in the image of George' here ___________.

Remember, Barack and John, that you will be preaching to Democrat primary voters, so truth, logic, and facts aren't at all necessary. Hillary=George, Rodham=W, Clinton=Bush, over and over again in various and sundry ways. Once that message starts rolling, it will gain a life of its own and grow. You will jet past Hillary in poll numbers like a bat out of hell.

Flashback fading... post over now.

(Another plethora of psychoses flourishes over at Dr. Sanity.)

Halloween- The Movie:
The Night the Philosophical Chickens
Came Home to Roost

(H.T. Christian Skepticism.)

The Jungle

"Patella Axilla Auditory Meatal Furball, you'd better be careful. It's cold and flu season."

Furball replied, "Shhh, Steve, I'm waiting by this pond to ambush an incoming flock of geese."



At the edge of the nearby forest, in the survival of the fittest, the drama of life and death, two carnivores battle over a downed moose carcass.


At the far edge of Furball's pond, a hungry anaconda invites a great white shark to lunch.

Compassionate Conservatism

Just wanted to show that we Conservatives are more than just racist, sexist, bigoted homophobic xenophobes. Just as Hitler treasured classical music and his dogs, we, too, enjoy high culture.

"You're lookin' hot today, my little narcissus."

(Photo H.T. Angela Winters.)

Einstein's Greatest Contribution

Brilliant!

(Hetemeel.com)

'What the Hell is Going on Out There?'

Lately, I've been hearing a lot more of this type of statement from the non-religious agnostics and atheists, but never quite this way. Burt Prelutsky:

Unlike most of the non-religious people I know, I am not opposed to religion. In fact, I tend to prefer believers to agnostics and atheists. They don’t seem to be nearly as self-righteous and self-important. Perhaps it’s unavoidable that if a man doesn’t believe in a superior power, it tends to make him view himself as the center of the universe.

Atheist Dr. Keith Burgess-Jackson has written that he always looks for the 'fish' sign in yellow page ads when looking for some service. Dr. John Ray says similar things as well.

It's those religious agnostics and atheists that always try to give it hell.

Megan McArdle

I really like Megan McArdle, who writes for The Economist and has a blog called Asymmetrical Information. So I added her to our blogroll.

A few clips:

The narrative where you pour out of the classroom, tell everyone how wrong they are, and sit back and wait for magic social change is a fantasy cooked up by the Baby Boomers.

The Federal government is like an aircraft carrier: a huge, ponderous weapon that needs a whole lot of special conditions to operate efficiently. People who want everything Federalized do so because they want the "best" weapon trained on the problem. But biggest is not the same as best.

But every time I see some middle class parent prattling about vouchers "destroying" the public schools by "cherry picking" the best students, when they've made damn sure that their own precious little cherries have been plucked out of the failing school systems, I seethe with barely controllable inward rage.

Do not natter about closing the loopholes. Above the complexity level of "Me Urgh! You give Urgh all your acorns!" there is no such thing as a loophole free tax. And come to think of it, I bet Urgh didn't get all the acorns, either.

She does have a curious (to me) dislike of supply side economics, which I'll have to explore. Always good to test those preconceived notions, dontcha know.

Sports Trivia

What athlete was a World Series champion, chosen for three MLB All-Star games, and a three-time NBA champion?

I had forgotten about this until reminded by a sports special today.

James Lileks would love these

CDs that look like 45s.

H/T to Elliot.

Mark Steyn:

So what is the best thing America could do "for the children"? Well, it could try not to make the same mistake as most of the rest of the Western world and avoid bequeathing the next generation a system of unsustainable entitlements that turns the entire nation into a giant Ponzi scheme.

Survival of the Fittest Herd

Gary posts an article on AWOL Civilization titled 'Survival of the "Fittest"'.

Here are a couple of excerpts:

[...]There is a conflict between survival and achievement, and we must choose how much of each is desirable. Either extreme can become unbearable. The same choice also faces the individual. If one drives obsessively toward a certain achievement, it could jeopardize one’s chances for survival. If, on the other hand, one is obsessed with survival at any cost, life can become tepid and meaningless.

Today, the pendulum has swung heavily to the side of survival. This is evident in the ever-expanding health craze, and in a general focus on one’s own well-being. Survival is a new idol, expressed in a fanatical drive to eliminate risk. While the individual is being relieved of responsibility and indeed of significance, “society” is expected to implement and enforce risk reduction in everything from bathtubs to ice cream cones. One by one, commonplace activities considered dangerous are regulated out of existence.[...]

We invent threats at an ever-increasing rate. If it’s not second-hand smoke, then it’s an exaggeration of the dangers in routine human action. We go from the ridiculous to the harebrained: At the Starbucks chain of cafés, drinking-straws are wrapped in paper that says, “Not recommended for use in hot beverages.” Children are not allowed to engage in vigorous exercise on school playgrounds, over fear of injury.[...]

Under the regime of survivalism, what is the purpose of “evolving” to a more advanced stage? Are we to become ever more obedient, passive, and helpless? More protected than a flock of sheep in an enclosed meadow?[...]

A Fool and His Folly

Ann Coulter posts 'Have You Hugged an Islamo-Fascist Today' on Townhall.com. Here are some of my favorite quotes:

[...]The only thing that makes the cut-and-run crowd mad enough to fight is the idea that someone, somewhere might be criticizing radical Islam.[...]

...(On the basis of Ahmadinejad's claims, instead of looking for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, how about we start looking for gays in Iran?)[...]

Conservative speakers are constantly being physically attacked on college campuses -- including Bill Kristol, Pat Buchanan, David Horowitz and me, among others. Fortunately the attackers are Democrats, so they throw like girls and generally end up with their noses bloodied by pretty college coeds. But that doesn't make it right.[...]

Coulter gets a lot of criticism for lowering the level of serious, intelligent public discourse. That may be so, but I haven't heard a lot of serious, intelligent public discourse from those of whom Ann is speaking.

Proverbs written back to back:

-Answer not a fool according to his folly,
lest you be like him yourself.

-Answer a fool according to his folly,
lest he be wise in his own eyes. (Proverbs 26:4,5 ESV)

Many put more emphasis on verse 4, Coulter stresses verse 5.

Red Socks

My big mouth has recently let the cat out of the bag over in the comment section of Hasenpfeffer Incorporated and I need to come clean and be contrite before The National Baloney newspaper, the nutroots, or the DNC find out and make hay out of it.

A recent story about Socks, the Clinton White House cat, being unloaded by Hillary Clinton as soon as they left the White House and was no longer needed to propagandize a humanitarian home was published in the Timesonline. Many jumped on this article as proof that Hillary's recent presentation of her 'soft side' is just another Clinton ruse.

The truth of the matter, however, is not quite so convenient for use by us Conservatives. The same is true as well about another Conservative punching bag, the saga of Sandy Berger.

Being a cat person, I often indulge my favorite critters. Some time ago, during the Clinton Presidency, I taught my cat, Kittyanna Katrina Kallikovski Mayovich, how to use a computer. One day while stalking the internet, (like most cats, Kittyanna hates water and won't 'surf') she found Socks' e-mail address and began communicating regularly with him. Eventually, through her powers of feline persuasion, she converted Socks into a conservative worldview.

Like all conservatives, Socks rapidly became a racist, sexist, homophobic xenophobe. He also participated in the vast right-wing conspiracy and began politicking personal destruction on any that were not of his kind. It became so dangerous in the latter years in the White House that even Sandy Berger was forced to insert papers into his stockings to protect his ankles against the sneaky claws of Socks' offensive weaponry. (I believe that Norman Hsu is still working to pay off the costs of Secret Service protection that he had to employ while visiting the White House.) Hillary had to get rid of him in self-defense. Betty Currie was chosen since Ellen DeGeneres was unavailable.

Therefore, apologies are in order both to Hillary Clinton as well as Sandy Berger for all the nasty, unfair insinuations made against them.

(The Carnival of the Insanities is refusing medication again over at Dr. Sanity.)

One Should Send Scouts to Prepare to Meet
Low Down Dirty Bushwhackers

One million dollars- That is the cited amount that we are accused of causing a local home improvement business to have lost in income since July of this year. By our actions we, along with those of another person in a nearby town and a local television station, are the defendants in a lawsuit to recoup this loss.

Without giving potentially sensitive details about the recent deposition of the plaintiff by the defendants' attorneys, I would like to give a short critique. It appears that the plaintiff's attorney concentrated on the 'deep pockets' television station aspect of this case and didn't prepare properly for our attorney's history and talent.

This case involves disputes between homeowners and a contractor that performed home improvement work and the television station that aired the interviews with the disgruntled homeowners.

I have little knowledge about the qualifications of the other defendants' attorneys, but here is what can easily be found on the internet concerning ours:

[Ours] is chair of the Construction Law and Litigation Section. His practice focuses on representing businesses and individuals in business formation and related business and litigation matters. The largest segment of his business practice relates to construction matters including assisting design professionals, contractors, developers, and owners in facilitating their projects and solving their legal disputes.

He is a member and the Chairman-Elect of the Board of Directors of the Construction Law Section of the State Bar.

He lectures regularly to lawyer and trade groups on construction practices. He is featured in the December 2006 issue of The Wisconsin Law Journal as one of the Top Construction Lawyers in Wisconsin.

In September of 2007, he argued before the Wisconsin Supreme Court in a case which involves a construction dispute where the contractor violated an administrative code and was negligent. The Court addressed whether there should be double damages for negligence damage and code violations, the application of the Economic Loss Doctrine and statutory attorneys fee award.

One would think that the plainiff's attorney would have scouted the adversary and prepared more thoroughly for the deposition. I believe he was blindsided by his lack of preparation.

Things are looking up.

AP Proof: George Bush Pushes Theocracy

Bush Lifts Saints 22-16

Truth in Septic Tank Pumpegery

(From Wicked Thoughts.)

I Woke Up & Couldn't Get Back to Sleep
To Finish This Dream

William S. Smith:
PEACE PRIZE COMMITTEE DISBANDS!

[...]Norway's King Harald, whose influence pushed the Nobel Committee to act, defended the Committee saying, "I truly don't believe they realized how frivolous and absurd they had become, how ridiculous, vapid, self-centered and dim-witted they appeared to intelligent people all over the world, how silly, provincial and uninformed they made the people of Norway look, how bizarre, counter-productive and downright dangerous some of their choices had been and how hackneyed and self-righteous their announcements sounded."[...]

With regard to the future awards, the Committee issued the following statement: "In light of the Chinese, Russian, Iranian and North Korean threats, the threats of Islamic terrorists and their state-sponsors, and potential breakdown of states into warring tribal factions, the Nobel Peace Prize Committee believes that the U.S. Military will likely be the recipient of every Nobel Peace Prize for the next thirty to forty years. For that reason, the Committee has disbanded and placed its considerable financial resources into the hands of "the only institution capable of maintaining and enhancing the peace of the world." [...]

Kyle-Anne Shiver Describes This Democrat-Led Congress

The Female Hissy-Fit

[...]For those of you who might not be familiar with the female hissy-fit, I will attempt to define it. As a Southern female, descended from a long line of Southern belles and femmes fatales, I was myself perfectly schooled in this necessary tactic in the War Between the Sexes. It’s deceitful; it’s underhanded. It’s definitely a below-the-belt kind of weapon. But, as it was explained to me early in life, it was a most necessary ploy in a world where the male enemy held a significant power advantage in terms of authority and money. It was therefore perfectly acceptable.

It works like this: any time you are not getting your way by using facts and legitimate, reasoned argument, you must overwhelm your male opponent with unassailable emotional turmoil, i.e. a hissy-fit. In other words, take the argument to a level that your male adversary does not comprehend: pure emotion, unencumbered by rational thought. By purposely becoming irrational, and accusing your opponent of being “vicious,” “mean,” “unreasonable,” “vile,” “cruel,” “a bully,” et cetera, et cetera into lingual infinity, you effectively disarm your utterly reasonable opponent and ride the emotional wave of perfected guile to victory. In other words, you get your own way in the matter.

This is precisely the tactic being employed now on a regular basis in our United States Congress.[...]

How is it, then, that President Bush has begun to use his veto power?

Perhaps he recognizes the tactic from former confrontations with his perfectly charming, Southern-bred wife, Laura.

Lisa Benson

The rat in the picture is suing Ms. Benson for the offensiveness of appearing to be associated with Senator Reid.

Admin note

I turned off the word verification for comments. It's just a pain. Commenters will still have to log into blogger to comment, which hopefully will keep the spam away, but we'll see.

On Evil Corporations

Michael Medved pens an excellent article titled Corporate Power Blesses, Not Oppresses, the American People on Townhall.com.

Here are just two of the nine main points upon which Mr. Medved elaborates:

3) THE FAMOUS DEPRADATIONS OF THE SO-CALLED “ROBBER BARONS” INVOLVED GOVERNMENTAL, NOT BUSINESS, ABUSES.

9) CORRUPTION IS MORE OF A PROBLEM FOR BIG GOVERNMENT THAN BIG CORPORATIONS.

'Tis an excellently written article, but I still won't vote for Ross Perot.

Reagan, Star Wars, Cheney,
Rove, China, Randi Rhodes

I am seeking employment as a professor at a major American University. I have a Ph.D that was obtained through a Bazooka bubble gum comic offer. (15 comics, a UPC label, and proof of purchase) I am descended from a minority aboriginal tribe of Switzerland that was forced to assimilate into the dominant Western culture by evil, Northern European, dead white oppressive males. My grandfather immigrated to the U.S. in hopes of freedom only to find more virulent racism.

However much these credentials are titillating to university administrators, it is my thesis that has offers of tenured professorship piling up on my desk.

Back in the early and mid 1980's, President Reagan proposed the development of the Star Wars Defense System, ostensibly to protect American soil from enemy missile attacks. He had other objectives, however, and these slowly simmered on the back burner through the single term of George H.W. Bush and the 8 years of President Bill Clinton. It has only been recently, during the George W. Bush Presidency, that Reagan's vision has finally come to fruition.

Vice President Dick Cheney, along with his Igorish sidekick, Karl Rove, have sold top-secret nanotechnology to the Chi-coms along with 'The Plan'. Chinese dog food producers introduced this technology into its product that was to be sold in the U.S.

Randi Rhodes, a Liberal hot commodity on Air America Radio, unknowingly bought some of this food for her beloved dog. Last Sunday, Ms. Rhodes took little Fido Castro for a constitutional, fell, and was injured.

Jon Elliot, another erudite Air America Radio host, reported that Randi was a victim of a vicious mugging and speculated that it was really a hate-crime of vast right-wing conspiratorial thuggery. When it was finally reported that Ms. Rhodes just fell and was not attacked... lots of snickering... not at Randi's injuries, but instead at the leap of hate-faith jumping to conclusions of conspiracies from Mars. Amateurs.

The reality that remained undetected by all the dilettanti is that the faithful dog tripped Ms. Rhodes and caused the fall and injuries. His nanotech fortified Purina, bolusing through his jejunum, was detected by Reagan's SDS satellites. 'Star Wars' sent a signal to induce the little canine to bolt underfoot in a World Wrestling Federation 'Piledriver', a move that is barred in most states.

Samples of the pup's fecal specimens remain in my refrigerator and the lab results of his positive nanotechoccult tests are in a safe deposit box; definitive proof of 'The Plan.'

Ultimately, therefore & ergo, Ronald Reagan brutally mugged Randi Rhodes.

All the Ivy League schools, California-Berkeley, and the Universities of Wisconsin and Michigan want me bad. Columbia University even offered its Pulitzer Prize in addition to the University Presidency to replace the Conservative Lee Bollinger. They also promised a monumental promotional blitz for next year's Nobel Peace Prize.

(Dr. Sanity's Carnival of the Insanities is up.)

Limbaugh Lemonade

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has written a letter to Mark Mays, CEO of Clear Channel Communications, Inc., demanding:

Thousands of active troops and veterans were subjected to Mr. Limbaugh's unpatriotic and indefensible comments on your broadcast. We trust you will agree that not a single one of our sons, daughters, neighbors and friends serving overseas is a "phony soldier." We call on you to publicly repudiate these comments that call into question their service and sacrifice and to ask Mr. Limbaugh to apologize for his comments.

Of course, this flap occurred after Limbaugh called phony soldiers like Jesse MacBeth 'phony soldiers' on his radio show.

Rush has countered with a brilliant response. Upon receiving the letter from Mr. Mays, Limbaugh has put the original up for bid on E-Bay. Proceeds from the sale will be donated to The Marine Corps-Law Enforcement Foundation:

Through the continuous support of our donors, we have distributed aid with a value of more than $29,000,000.00 to eligible children. This assistance was primarily rendered to children of Marines or Federal law enforcement personnel who were killed on duty or died under extraordinary circumstances while serving our country at home or abroad. These funds enable us to provide these children with scholarships for their higher education. When a child of a United States Marine is afflicted with a physical or mental disability and requires special medical equipment or tutoring, our Foundation may grant financial assistance to that family if their personal insurance does not cover the complete cost of treatment for this child.

Limbaugh, who has long supported and raised money for this organization promises to donate a match to the winning bid.

With about 40 hours left in the bidding, the current leading bid is $110,100. It is expected that the real 'heavy hitters' are waiting for the last minute to win the prize.

Limbaugh has also put a copy of the letter in a PDF file on his website for download to all American citizens since we have already paid for it. The letter is on Reid's Office of Majority Leader letterhead and is signed by a total of 41 Senators, including Hillary Rodham Clinton, John F. Kerry, and Teddy Kennedy along with the usual cast.

UPDATE: With 16 hours left, the leading bid is $851,100.

Suing for Peace

After having a conversation with my younger brother, Jim, I have come to the conclusion that he should take his grievances to court. The company for which he works has run onto hard times and he may soon be laid off. He is, indeed, one paycheck away from living in a cardboard box under some interstate overpass.

Soon to be named as defendant in this litigation asking for $750K is none other than Nobel Peace Prize recipient, Albert Gore, Jr. To my mind, Jim's prospect of winning is a slam dunk.

Former Vice President Gore has been so successful in proving with impeccable science that man-made activity has, in the past, caused devastating climate change. His indefatigable logic has caused the worldwide habit change. Global warming is being defeated by his untiring efforts. Climate change is reversing.

Jim's livelihood is in building generators. Since the reversal of climate change has occurred, there have been virtually no disastrous hurricanes. The sales of generators have plummeted and Baby Brother has been thrown under the bus. Al Gore is as responsible as second hand smoke is in killing off cuddly polar bear cubs.

Until Jim wins his suit or receives a settlement, he will suffer the slings and arrows of the newly discovered Kyoto Syndrome. However, Jim remains optimistic. He knows that, with the modern technologies of cardboard construction and bridge safety, his skill at befriending pigeons, and the probability of another Mother Teresa arising to supply him with gruel, he will be fine. After all, he has told me, it's for the children.

Pelosi Pushes to Condemn Turkey

Washington- Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the United States House of Representatives, pressed members of her party to vote to condemn Turkey for its participation in the death and severe affliction of hundreds of thousands among its population.

"According to the CDC more than 100,000 people were afflicted or killed by Turkey over a period of 2 1/2 years. This genocide was introduced to the population by the widespread infection of Salmonella enteritidis. With the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays quickly coming up, it is incumbent upon this House to protect the ignorant American populace from the ravages of this mishandled or undercooked fowl devil."

Turkey producers Butterball and Jenny-O immediately recalled their PAC money from Washington.

Eeeeww, Cooties!

I have a hard time believing that this Timeonline report is actually true:

[...]But the loathing of the Nascar crowd for the inhabitants of Capitol Hill has reached new heights after the decision by Washington political aides to get inoculated before attending a race this weekend.[...]

The decision to get immunisations, against hepatitis, tetanus and diphtheria,[...]

The Democrat chairman of the committee instructed the aides to get the immunisations[...]

There were some good responses:

[...]Linda Daves, chairwoman of the North Carolina Republican Party, said: “Democrats should know there is no preventative measure to ward off blue-collar values. If they aren’t careful, they might just catch some of it.” [...]

Patrick McHenry, a North Carolina Republican, said: “If anything, it’s the Nascar fans who should get immunised against Washington officials.”

I would like to add my own recommendations adapted from the Baylor College of Medicine:

All Democratic politicians or aides approaching within 50' of NASCAR fans or areas recently inhabited by such fans should follow standard precautions, formerly called Universal Precautions, at all times:

1. Consider all blood, all bodily fluids, and exhaled air from Southerners to be infectious.

2. Wear gloves when exposure to Southerners may occur and change gloves and wash your hands after each procedure and before contact with another Redneck.

3. Wear mask and goggles, safety eye wear or face shield when near Southerners. Do NOT make eye contact.

4. Wear contamination resistant body armor when a Southerner may actually touch you. The most common exposure risks include Hepatitis B, Tooth loss, Mental retardation, Speech impediments, Alcoholism, Yee-hawism, and Christianity.

Good night and good luck.

Bravo! Ann Coulter. Encore...Encore!

I get quite a charge out of Conservative and/or Republican rhetoric. On the one hand, there is much complaining that no candidate is clearly and boldly expressing the message with consistency. On the other hand, Ann Coulter expresses herself clearly and consistently and she is an embarrassment to the cause. Like her message or not, at least she has to intestinal fortitude to speak her principles without consulting polls or sticking a moistened finger into the PC wind. "She does it just to promote and sell her newest book." Maybe so, but has it been successful? Could a candidate or a party garner votes and support by speaking a principled message courageously?

"Courage!"

The latest flap on Donny Deutch's television talk show occurred when Coulter stated that she wanted Jews to become Christians. What a stupid bee-utch, eh? How embarrassing, eh? She doesn't only call herself a Christian, she even believes that nonsense and says it out loud on TV! Let's distance ourselves from her.

"Brothers, my heart's desire and prayer to God for the Israelites is that they may be saved. For I can testify about them that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge. Since they did not know the righteousness that comes from God and sought to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness. Christ is the end of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes." Paul (Romans 10:1-4, NIV)

Ann Coulter must be giggling at her detractors. Here's what Paul (in Ann's terms, a perfected Jew) got for his clear, consistent message:

"[...] Are they Hebrews? So am I. Are they Israelites? So am I. Are they Abraham's descendants? So am I. Are they servants of Christ? (I am out of my mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged severely, and been exposed to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and day in the open sea. I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. [...]" Paul (II Corinthians 11:22-27a, NIV)

Steven M. Warshawski concludes in his article, On Coulter, Christians, and Jews published on American Thinker:

What Deutch and Savage and the other critics fail to understand is that only a Christian people who truly believes in the correctness, indeed superiority, of their religion will be able to win this fight. A secularized people who believes in nothing but watery principles of tolerance and democracy inevitably will succumb to the combination of violent Islamic intimidation and the "nondiscriminatory" imperatives of their own multicultural worldview. If sharia ever does come to the United States, I am quite certain that its handmaidens will be atheists and liberals, not believing Christians.

As a Jew living in this great country, I have no doubt who my enemies are, and who are my allies. And I know to which group Ann Coulter belongs.

Bravo!

(Ironically, Warshawski's post is bookended on American Thinker by two articles condemning Coulter, both presumably written by Gentiles.)

(Ann's new book is titled If Democrats Had Any Brains, They'd be Republicans. Perhaps her next book should be titled If Republicans Had Any Brains, They'd Think, Speak, and Act Like Conservatives.)

Ask Ott What Your Country Can Do For You...

Scott Ott of Scrappleface cracked me up with these two headlines:

-Gore Wins Nobel Prize, High Court Gives It to Bush

-GOP Moves to Label Roman Empire Genocidal

The Importance of Prepositions

In CSPAN Booknotes, Orrin Judd has written a 2000 book review of David Kennedy's 1999 title, Freedom from Fear: The United States, 1929-1945 (Oxford History of the United States, Vol 9). In his review, Orrin makes an interesting observation revolving around this title with Battle Cry of Freedom : The Civil War Era (1988) by James McPherson:

Suddenly, the switch from "of Freedom" to "Freedom from", in the respective titles, struck me as emblematic of the pivotal change of emphases in the Modern world. The history of America from Plymouth Rock until the Crash was essentially the story of Man's struggle for Freedom, but Freedom in a positive sense, Freedom to do things--to worship, to speak, to gather, etc. Thus, McPherson's book details the great convulsion of the 19th Century, the Civil War and the struggle to free the slaves--a struggle to expand freedom. But Kennedy, charting the great 20th Century convulsion, has it exactly right, the importance of the responses to the Depression by both Hoover and Roosevelt lay in their decision to elevate a negative idea of Freedom, freedom from want, from hunger, from "the vicissitudes of life" above, and against, the traditional American ideal of republican Liberty. This shift from a government aimed at protecting Freedom to one designed to provide Security is the single most important thing that happened in 20th Century America.

Orrin makes an excellent point. The greatest generation bequeathed this gift to the Boomers, et al., who exuberantly ran with it from there.

Somewhat ironically, I also think that the Civil War was also one of those major turning points. Slavery is considered by most to be the foundational issue of that war. However, there were other issues involved including the balance of power between states' rights and federal power. The ending of the American institution of slavery was a great result. The overbearing of federal power was a negative one; one that coaxed our republic toward the paradigm shift that Orrin notes in his review.

(H.T. Ed Driscoll.)

Brilliant!
Almost Rovian!

Cal Thomas strongly disagrees with a statement made by President Bush in an article titled The Same God? on Townhall.com:

"I believe in an almighty God, and I believe that all the world, whether they be Muslim, Christian, or any other religion, prays to the same God."

While I fully agree with Mr. Thomas about the statement on a theological level, I believe that he totally missed the President's context.

That sly dog Bush wasn't speaking theologically. As our President, in adherence to the Constitution, he was duly separating church and state. Mr. Bush was speaking politically. His sneaky, Rovian purpose was of a three-fold nucyoolar strategery.

First, this statement inspired Christians like Cal Thomas to more fully compare and contrast the God of the Bible with Allah of the Koran and become even more certain of their faith.

Second, the statement, in comparing Muslims with the infidel dog Christians, inflamed the Islamists in the Middle East to recruit more heavily into their jihad. As one cleric was heard to say, "We will have many more faithful to be sent to Paradise with their virgins by the American soldiers' smart bombs."

Third, in equating the Jihadi Muslims with the hated Christians, many American and European Liberals would begin to see the real danger posed by the Islamofascists. Rosie O'Donnell was quoted as saying, "The terrorists are as bad as the Christians? I will volunteer for the front lines to fight in the mother of all battles. Besides, I have this fantasy about 72 virgins myself."

I find it difficult to believe that Karl Rove is no longer on the White House staff. I'd be willing to wager that he has been texting Bush regularly; MBFF, KR.

UPDATE: I have received thousands of E-mails from those unfamiliar with technical textual vernacular; Neanderthals from another millennium. To us moderns, MBFF, KR is shorthand for 'Merica's baddest fiendish foe, Karl Rovegoebbels.

(Visit Dr. Sanity's Carnival of the Insanities.)

C'mere Little One...
I Have Candy

When much younger, I can recall watching a specific episode of "Our Gang", sometimes known as "The Little Rascals." In it, the characters were mimicking the candidates of a 1930's presidential election.

"If I'm elected, there'll be a chicken in every pot."

"If I'm elected, there'll be two chickens in every pot."

In the sixties, the joke continued. It was said that Nelson D. Rockefeller would state, "I'm Nelson D. Rockefeller, and I can buy your vote."

How quaint. Rockefeller proposed to use his own money. Today, however, the candidates are much more sophisticated than that; they wouldn't think of using their own money to buy your vote.

Modern enlightened candidates don't promise chickens in pots or a few bucks unless it's out of someone else's pocket. Like Barack Obama, these 21st Century saviors promise the production of the Kingdom on Earth. The meaning and values of life, salvation, and sustenance which the unbaptized masses formerly sought from the God of the Bible, the modern disciples now seek from their masters in Washington.

Through the ersatz explanations of Constitutional rights of individuals, Constitutional responsibilities of the three federal branches, and application of the Welfare Clause, modern politicians can offer what the Declaration of Independence promises; Cradle-to-grave security*, freedom from personal responsibility*, and happiness*.

Don't worry, be happy. Sit back and enjoy your high self-esteem. We'll take care of you. We'll oversee your health care; we'll oversee the Earth's health care. We'll educate your children to our specifications; we'll protect you from criminals (but don't carry a gun). If you prefer alcohol and drugs, we'll feed your children as well as you. Need transportation? We'll start producing U(s.a.)-gos since it worked so well for Yugoslavia. Feel hurt and offended? We will chastise the judgmental offenders. Want an abortion? We'll remove the tumor. (Just don't take this pro-choice philosophy too far.)

What does all this cost? This supposed rational question indicates evil selfishness. What price can be put on the value of a child, on health, on clean air and water, on the Earth, on replacing the elderly's Alpo with Cream of Wheat, on avoiding Sally Struthers' tears? Nonetheless, we will compassionately soak the rich, the price gouging corporations, and the disgusting.

We are the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes into the Kingdom but through us.

(*Just the insignificant detail concerning the forfeiture of your soul. No big deal, it has been proven scientifically that we live in a materialist universe.)

Global Warming

On this day, October 8, in Wisconsin History:

1871 - Peshtigo Fire

On this date Peshtigo, Wisconsin was devastated by a fire which took 1,200 lives. The fire caused over $2 million in damages and destroyed 1.25 million acres of forest. This was the greatest human loss due to fire in the history of the United States. The Peshtigo Fire was overshadowed by the Great Chicago fire which occured on the same day, killing 250 people and lasting three days. While the Chicago fire is said to have started by a cow kicking over a lantern, it is uncertain how the Peshtigo fire began. [Source: Wisconsin Electronic Reader]

Peshtigo must buy its carbon credits from me to make environmental amends in order to be returned to the family of man that has been mothered by Gaeia.

Bush Sunk My BattleSCHIP

Blue Crab Boulevard outlines the evil of that hater of children, George W. Bushhitler:

Hi, my name's Timmy. My friends the Democrats sent me here to tell you about me and my family and why the Democrats are so good and the Republicans are so evil. You see, my mom and dad work really really hard but they barely make enough to make ends meet. And things are really tough around our house. Dad's always complaining about how expensive everything is.[...]

I am sobbing uncontrollably and can't bear to post the rest. If you have the courage to understand Bush's cruelty you may follow the link.

(Next episode of South Park: Bush Killed Kenny)

Quotable Potables

Wicked Thoughts must have been channeling Badger Blog Alliance contributors:

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.--Ernest Hemmingway

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.--Henny Youngman

People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.--Dave Barry

I drink to make other people interesting.--George Jean Nathan

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.--Dean Martin

Our Hip War on Terror

When Colie acts the little terror, we lock him up in our little version of Abu Ghraib. We make him wear underwear on his head and let the dog nearly lick his face off:



It's usually not very long before he is running around naked as well.

In some circles, the headgear above is called a 'do-rag'. However, we call this fashion statement 'Colie's poo-rag'.

Just so everybody understands...

...that's the actual Grandpa John who just had a birthday. Not the Grandpa John's blog.

Yes, there really is a Grandpa John. He's not just some made-up guy like He-Man or Indiana Jones or Ed Garvey.

Grandpa John in the '60s:


Grandpa John in the 70s:


(Kinda looks like a reject from Reno 911, doesn't he?)

All further photos of Grandpa John have been confiscated as a threat to national security.

Happy Birthday, Old Geezers

Got 'Roids?

Tom Bosley

James Earl Carter

Youthful Grandpa John

Mature Grandpa John