Located: 'The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy'

Warning: R-Rated
From Taranto's Best of the Web concerning the behaviors of some ancestors of Mitt Romney:

[...]"If the marital lives of a presidential candidate's great- and great-great-grandparents are a legitimate topic of journalistic inquiry, what about the marital lives of presidential candidates themselves? We have in mind a particular candidate, who, without naming any names, is now the junior senator from New York and the front-runner for the Democratic presidential nomination.

Nine years ago we learned that the future senator's husband, who then held a high position in the federal government, was carrying on an extramarital sexual affair with an employee who was only a few years older than the age of consent. This came to light when the husband lied under oath about it in a lawsuit in which another woman alleged that he had made unwanted sexual advances toward her. Several other women also claimed that the husband either had affairs with or forced his affections upon them. The husband was not indicted for perjury, but he was impeached, though not convicted.

The senator-to-be did not divorce her husband; indeed, in her public statements at least, she not only stood by her man but made him out to be the victim of what she called "the vast right-wing conspiracy."" [...] (emphasis mine)

Using the above information with the extensive research done by the staff in my hidden basement laboratory, I have been able to specifically identify what has heretofore been the spectral 'vast right-wing conspiracy':



We located the 'vast right-wing conspiracy' on the campus of Appalachian State University in North Carolina where you can actually see a feminist from the Women's Center walking around in a six-foot vagina costume.

One can now easily see how even men of high integrity, such as Bill Clinton, could fall victim to such conspiratorial wiles.

Echo

"During the Civil War, at an abolition meeting at Faneuil Hall in Boston, a tall and striking female ex-slave, Sojourner Truth, shared the platform with Frederick Douglass and Wendell Phillips. Douglas, carried away by his recital of the wrongs done to the slaves ended by saying that they had no hope of justice from the whites, no possible hope except in their right arms. It must come to blood; they must fight for themselves, and redeem themselves, or it would never be done. When he finished, a hush fell over the house and Sojourner's voice sounded out, "Frederick," she paused. "Is God dead?"1.

Mourners walked along and stopped briefly before the casket. It was August 26, 1900, and Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche lay in the coffin as he had passed away the day before.

As the funeral attendees viewed the corpse a voice echoed back from somewhere in the Universe, startling the mourners, "Friedrich," it paused. "Is God dead?"

1. Smith, Page, The Nation Comes of Age, N.Y., McGraw-Hill Co., 1981. P. 661

No Problem, Bro

We'll just leave it and come back tomorrow. Nature will evolve a house and garage by then.

Metaxas Interview

N.R.O. editor, Kathryn Lopez interviews Eric Metaxas, author of Amazing Grace, the story of William Wilberforce and his battle to abolish both the slave trade and then slavery in early 19th Century Britain.

The historical context: (A quote from the book taken from Rich Lowery's article, 'The Wilberforce, How faith moved a nation', also in N.R.O.)

“Slavery was as accepted as birth and marriage and death, was so woven into the tapestry of human history that you could barely see its threads, much less pull them out. Everywhere on the globe, for 5,000 years, the idea of human civilization without slavery was unimaginable.”

Lopez: "What’s the Wilberforce message for today’s politicians — besides the obvious: slavery, human trafficking, is evil?"

Metaxas: "One needs a core. If one is merely a “party man” one cannot succeed any more than one who governs by poll or focus groups. Wilberforce was an exceedingly canny politician, and he understood the political process brilliantly — but at the end of the day, he played to a constituency of One. And it needs to be said that he did it with the very greatest humility, not with any sort of moralistic or triumphalist arrogance. He didn’t think that he was God’s vector, to get back to Euclid and others. He knew that he was a sinner, saved by God’s grace. He really knew that and one can see it in how he lived, and how he treated his political opponents, with a disarming and quite extraordinary graciousness."

Renege!

Shailagh Murray and Jonathan Weisman report in the Washington Post:

"Senate Democratic leaders intend to unveil a plan next week to repeal the 2002 resolution authorizing the war in Iraq in favor of narrower authority that restricts the military's role and begins withdrawals of combat troops."

That could be the start of a trend.

Norma L. McCorvey, A.K.A. Jane Roe, is reportedly intending to unveil a plan next week to repeal the 1973 Supreme Court decision on her behalf authorizing the War in the Womb in favor of narrower authority that restricts the physician's role and begins withdrawals of abortive troops.

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie
Oy, Oy, Oy

Mark Steyn opines in his article, 'Blair is Right on Troops':

"According to my dictionary, the word "ally" comes from the Old French. Very Old French, I'd say. For the New French, the word has a largely postmodern definition of "duplicitous charmer who undermines you at every opportunity"." [...]

"And these days troops is something of an elastic term, too. In Norwegian, it means "fighting men who are prepared to stand shoulder to shoulder with the Americans, as long as they don't have to do any fighting and there are at least two provinces between their shoulders and the American ones". That's to say, Norway is "participating" in Afghanistan, but, because its troops are "not sufficiently trained to take part in combat", they've been mainly back at the barracks manning the photocopier or staging amateur performances of Peer Gynt for the amusement of US special forces who like nothing better than to unwind with five acts of Ibsen after a hard day hunting the Taliban." [...]

Unfortunately, Steyn fails to document the casualty rate for Norwegian photocopier pilots or those of Ibsen play noncommissioned actors. I know for a fact that they are supplied with only lightly armored stunt men.

I went to a high school that was named after a limey.

1846 - William Horlick Born

On this date William Horlick was born in Ruardean, Gloucestershire, England. A noted food manufacturer and philanthopist, Horlick arrived in the U.S. in 1869 and settled in Racine. In 1872 he moved to Chicago with his brother and began to manufacture food products. In 1876 his company moved to Racine where he began to experiment with creating a dried milk product. In 1887 he trademarked Malted Milk. In 1889 he opened a company branch in New York City and another in England the following year. He constructed additional plants in Racine in 1902 and 1905. The company name was changed to Horlick's Malted Milk Co. in 1906. This success enabled Horlick to achieve a widespread reputation as a philanthropist in Racine. He also helped fund the first Byrd expedition to the South Pole and the Amundsen expedition to the North Pole. After his death in 1936, control of the company passed to his son, Ander James Horlick. [Source: Dictionary of Wisconsin Biography, SHSW 1960, pg. 177]

Under the Radar

This one almost got by me:

How About Title IX for Free Speech
by Alex E. Harrison

[...]"With their majority muscle, all the Democrats need now is a snappy name for the new Fairness Doctrine. How about the “First Amendment Tariff Act”? Right-wing radio hosts must be stopped to save liberal jobs! Better get the ok from big labor first -- they have a lock on all that “fair trade” mumbo-jumbo. Maybe the name “Free Speech Affirmative Action” would work. Nothing like a good quota -- the Democrats can just mumble “equal opportunity” and “diversity” when they force those stations to accept liberal radio hosts (and then be prepared to shout “racist!” if anyone really objects). Better check with Jesse and Reverend Al on that one though -- they have a good thing going and may not want to share it."

"Not bad choices for a snazzy new name, but “Title IX for Free Speech” should get the nod. This name has it all -- it is soothing, unthreatening and it’s “for” free speech. Better yet, no one can accuse the liberals of being misleading. After all, the new Fairness Doctrine would work just like Title IX for women’s sports -- just another mandate for programs with limited demand to replace viable programs that earned their right to exist. Men’s gymnastics, wrestling, and now free speech. We won’t miss it, will we?" [...](emphasis mine)

Sure, Alex. Another male chauvinist jock-pig embittered by unfulfilled fantasies of hitting the jackpot in professional cribbage.

"Ms. Harrison is a student athlete majoring in government at Claremont McKenna College."

Oops!

Still Spot On

We have long heard from the defenders of sexual and violent content in movies, on television, in video games, and in gangsta cop-killer rap that the viewing participants can differentiate between reality and fantasy. Critics were labeled as Puritan prudes wishing to impose themselves into the bedrooms and private minds of America.

It seems as though now the tide has conveniently turned. Some people now are deeply affected by fictional depictions; namely undereducated soldiers and adolescent females. The soldiers will watch '24' and use Jack Bauer's torture tactics on prisoners and the young girls will get a poor body image from female depictions made by male dominated society.

Now "the show's graphic depictions of the torture of suspects was "hurting efforts to train recruits in effective interrogation techniques and is damaging the image of the US around the world.""

Now "As adolescent girls attempt to reconcile the reality of their bodies with the unrealistic and unattainable cultural demands for female thinness, large numbers of girls experience intense body image dissatisfaction. For a small group of girls, negative feelings about their bodies and their efforts to achieve or maintain thinness contribute to the development of disordered eating. This may include binge eating, restrictive dieting, or induced vomiting and over eating, leading to more serious disorders such as anorexia or bulimia."

Dan Quayle, most famous for his incorrect spelling of the word 'potato', is still right. It's been about fifteen years since the cultural elite ridiculed Quayle mercilessly for criticizing the glamorization of unwed motherhood in sitcoms like Murphy Brown.

Lance, This is Why...
Mitchell Will Never Be a Football Player

HE'S A FUMBLER!

Initiology

The latest rage in the scientific understanding of the nature of human beings is Initiology. It is rapidly replacing Scientology and Numerology in esoteric understanding of human behavior.

Initiology takes a person's first and last initials and reads his personality, character, and future with 100% accuracy. In demonstration, I will give the Initiological readings of the contributors of Grandpa John's.

Lance Burri: The Initiology gods tell me that Lb is also the abbreviation for the British engineering system unit of pound. A pound is the unit of force required to accelerate a certain mass by 1 foot per square second. Therefore Lance may also be analogous to that mass; a slug. Nickname: Avoirdupois.

Todd Burri: TB, tuberculosis or Tubercle Bacillus, a slow-growing aerobic bacterium that divides every 16 to 20 hours that when active in the body may cause fever, chills, night sweats, appetite loss, weight loss, paling, and easy fatigability. Other symptoms may be a bloody cough, fever, pallor, and long relentless wasting. He is a believer in supply side economics. Nickname: Consumption.

John Burri: JB, as in J&B Rare Scotch Whisky, 42 different whiskies carefully blended together to create a subtle, smooth, distinctive character. He has a fruity, fresh quality and is light in color. Warning: May cause drunkenness and hepatic cirrhosis. Nickname: Usquebaugh.

Steve Burri: Sb, Antimony (formerly known as Stibium). Antimony and many of its compounds are toxic. Clinically, antimony poisoning is very similar to arsenic poisoning. In small doses, antimony causes headache, dizziness, and depression. Larger doses cause violent and frequent vomiting, and will lead to death in a few days. Nickname: Aschistosomiasis.

Now you know... So live long and prosper.

The Real Super Bowl XLI MVP

Former Badger Quarterback, Jim Sorgi, now the Indianapolis Colt backup, has auditioned for the role of Maytag Repairman. He was one of about 200 seeking the job. The Maytag Repairman is reputed to have set the Guinness Book World Record for work time spent 'on the bench'.

What only we NFL insiders know is that Jim Sorgi is generally considered the League and Super Bowl MVP.

Yes, yes, I know that Peyton Manning was given the trophy, but Jim Sorgi earned it. When Sorgi came to the Colts in 2004, he pushed the entrenched Manning so hard that Peyton threw an NFL record 49 touchdowns during the season. After winning the Super Bowl this season, Manning was overheard to say, "Avoiding the Dan Marino 'almost great, but couldn't win the big one' syndrome... ptui! I just have to not suck enough to avoid riding the bench behind Mr. Sorgi."

Career statistics tell the true story. Manning's QB rating, 94.4; Sorgi, 99.3. Manning's TD to interception ratio, 2:1; Sorgi 5:1.

Jim Sorgi may not be the next Maytag Repairman, but he certainly will enter the NFL Hall of Fame as the Manning Repairman. It is rumored that the New Jersey Giants are trying to trade for Sorgi in hopes that he can have the same effect on Eli.

Finally... Social Justice

The All England Club has announced that it will be offering equal prize money across the board to both men and women players with effect from and including the 2007 Wimbledon Championships.

Finally, equal pay for equal work. Social justice is on the march to fulfillment.

An evil, greedy capitalist might scoff and say that it amounts to equal pay for unequal product. When Mauresmo, Williams, or Hingis can compete with Federer, Nadal, or Roddick the product will be equal.

The All England Club can surely offer equal prize money, but any inference of equality on other planes is pure moonshine. I would not pay as much for a Yugo as I would for a Lexus.

Re: Doomed!

That makes you feel doomed? Please. There's an asteroid heading directly for Earth and a bunch of scientists want the UN to do something about it!

Now that's doomed.

Link leads to a James Lileks column. Good stuff. Here's the actual news story.

Hardaway's Comments

Former NBA player, Tim Hardaway uttered some crudely stated comments about being on a team with homosexual players.

"I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic."

Hardaway's public condemnation was thorough. Homosexual or pro-homosexual commenters seized on his comments and implied that this hatred is implicit in heterosexual culture. This is the same tactic that is used by 'civil rights' advocates when someone criticizes excesses or antisocial behavior by blacks. Even Bill Cosby was lacerated for that.

Michael Medved has written a thoughtful article on Townhall.com that closely parallels my own perception of this situation.

Here are the concluding excerpts:

"Many gay activists suggest that this near-universal straight male repulsion at the idea of sex with another man is merely the product of cultural conditioning: a learned prejudice that ought to be unlearned. This represents the core message of gay pride parades and even the drive for same-sex marriage: an effort to persuade all of society that gay sex is as beautiful as straight sex, and to “cure” men of their visceral disgust at the very thought of what two (or more) male homosexuals do with one another."

"According to the “enlightened” advocates of gay liberation, this disgust gets to the very essence of “homophobia” – an altogether unjustified fear and distaste for male-on-male physical intimacy. When Hardaway says “I hate gay people” what he suggests at the deepest level is that he feels revolted by the very notion of same-sex eroticism and that he’d prefer not to face the distraction of such thoughts in the locker room or on the court."

"In this sense, the reluctance to team (in athletics or the military) with announced homosexuals isn’t bigotry, it’s common sense. The recent “Astronaut Love Triangle” provides a pointed reminder of the way that even disciplined military careerists can be diverted, even ruined, by attraction, eroticism and romance."

"Those who insist that basketball teams or submarine crews must welcome gay recruits must, for the sake of consistency, argue for the same welcome to teammates of the opposite gender. That notion – that a male player could, for instance, join a WNBA team without serious problems – shows the way that political correctness now seems to deny the obvious, often overwhelming potency of human sexuality."

"Those who suggest that a guy could shower with young female athletes without risk of arousal, or that a gay guy could shower with young male athletes with problems or discomfort, don’t merely defy common sense. They ignore human nature."

I'm Doomed

Macon Daily.com reports on the leadership taken by one U.S. Representative to protect us from salmonella-tainted peanut butter:

"If we cannot protect the nation's supply of peanut butter, one must ask how prepared we are for a terrorist attack on our nation's food supply," Michigan Democratic Rep. Bart Stupak said on Friday.

No doubt Bush, Cheney, and Halliburton are involved. They are probably trying to discredit the honorable Ex-President Carter. We must raise taxes and sign the Kyoto Peanut Butter Accords NOW!

(H.T. Taranto.)

New!
All Natural Personal Hygiene-
From Algore Products

One of the most exciting rumors flying around the business world is the impending introduction of a brand new line of personal hygiene and cosmetic products by Algore.

The major innovation in the manufacture of these new products will be the modernization into the 21st Century of the meaning of the word 'Natural'. Algore intends to reflect the truth in what 'natural' means in this day and age. All ingredients will be the substances commonly found in our environment today.

One shampoo, to be labelled 'Ocean Breeze', will contain the natural scents of dead fish, sewage, and medical waste. This hair cleanser will be dark brown in color, cause the hair to fall out, and burn the scalp for hours after use.

Algore's 'Arctic Frost' deoderant will apply with the smoothness of freshly dropped cow pies and exude the same aromatic aura. Daily application will soon cause axillary cankers and rapid hair growth. And it will burn 'like the pit of Hell' for hours after use.

His new line of facial cleansers and lotions will contain several radioactive ingredients within an imported petroleum base. Its continued use will cause volcanic pimples, warts, and various kinds of yet-to-be-named dermatological lesions. After use, it will burn like the dickens for hours.

Algore's new line of colognes, such as Inconvenient Alpine Whiff, have added ozone, hanging chads, PCB's, cigarette smoke, and radon gas. After use, it will burn all nasal mucus membranes up to 50 feet away for hours.

The new product line of toothpastes, having Algore's secret recipe, promises to bring its user the beaming smile of a Southern White Redneck Conservative Christian. The two remaining teeth and gums will burn for hours after use.

All liquid hygiene and cosmetic products will be carbonated to reflect the increasing atmospheric carbon dioxide. All solid products will melt at the normal elevated environmental temperature.

"With things the way they are now, we're all going to die sooner than later. So use Gaia approved Algore products and truly experience oneness with Mother Earth and feel what She feels. All proceeds will go to lobbying efforts for my Oscar and Nobel Peace Prize nominations."- Algore, founder and CEO of Algore Products.

Squandering Cultural Capital

While living in South Texas, I would abhor the sight of a snowbird's RV with the bumper sticker stating, "We're Spending Our Children's Inheritance." Of course it was their money and they had the right. But, to me, it pointed toward the larger AARP attitude of squandering our nation's inheritance.

In 1702, Cotton Mather finished his 6 volume history of New England, Magnalia Christi Americana. One observation within this tome stated, "Religion begat prosperity, and the daughter devoured the mother."

Kids Today Have it Tough

Eek!: Men flee after seeing 'giant rat'.

VIRGINIA, Minn. - A furry, uninvited guest had manly men at an Iron Range tire shop shrieking and hopping on desks. "It was pretty humorous," said conservation officer Dan Starr, who filed a report on the critter's break-in. "Here were these big, burly outdoors guys running around screaming." Taconite Tire employees arrived at work on Monday to find what they thought was a giant rat inside the store.

"I was the first one into work that morning and the first one out," said Shannon Bergman, an off-road tire salesman. "I walked in, and in the waiting area I saw this big rat, and I took off."

Mayhem ensued.

Are there any men left in Minnesota?

Back in the day, before we learned what the word 'slum' meant, Grandpa Jerry and I would spend our summer days flushing rats out of their holes and our nights 'shining' and shooting or bludgeoning them in the farm's buildings. Dad promised to pay us a nickel per rat pelt and a penny per mouse. As I recall his debt rose to 78 cents apiece.

Dad never paid the debt, but neither Jerry nor I thought to seek reparations from the federal government.

Their Church is the State

George Neumayr writes 'The Hedonistic Left and Global Warming' in Human Events:

"The moral relativists of the last few decades can only manage to turn absolutist on questions unrelated to morality, particularly those touching upon environmental fads. Their faith in global warming is so strong they find themselves demanding the sorts of duties and sacrifices they discount in any other area of life. The pushy and judgmental piety of relativists on environmental issues is bottomless, amounting to a quasi-pantheism. It appears that what pop scientist Carl Sagan once said is coming to pass: "A religion old or new, that stressed the magnificence of the universe as revealed by modern science, might be able to draw forth reserves of reverence and awe hardly tapped by the conventional faiths. Sooner or later, such a religion will emerge.""

Al Gore may have been robbed of the Presidency, but he is still running for High Priest.

Hybridization and Evolution of
The Master Race of Politician

U.S. Representative John William Jefferson Kerry (D-Arkanchussetts) was asked about his vote for the non-binding resolution of nonsupport for the President's 'Surge' activity in the Iraq war.

He responded, "When parsing the meaning of my non-binding vote for a non-binding resolution, one needs to consider the doubling of the second declension of the twin adjectives. As with a double negative that alters the meaning to a positive, the double nature of non-binding also infers that which is binding. Therefore, in essence, I was able to vote both for the resolution as well as against it."

Oh, Thee, of No Little Faith

I don't often read any press release originating from a Ohio State University, but this one was hard to resist:

Antarctic Temperatures Disagree with Climate Model Predictions

COLUMBUS , Ohio – A new report on climate over the world's southernmost continent shows that temperatures during the late 20th century did not climb as had been predicted by many global climate models.

This comes soon after the latest report by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change that strongly supports the conclusion that the Earth's climate as a whole is warming, largely due to human activity.

It also follows a similar finding from last summer by the same research group that showed no increase in precipitation over Antarctica in the last 50 years. Most models predict that both precipitation and temperature will increase over Antarctica with a warming of the planet.[...]

"The best we can say right now is that the climate models are somewhat inconsistent with the evidence that we have for the last 50 years from continental Antarctica.

"We're looking for a small signal that represents the impact of human activity and it is hard to find it at the moment," he [David Bromwich, professor of atmospheric sciences in the Department of Geography, and researcher with the Byrd Polar Research Center at Ohio State University] said. [...]

Bromwich said the disagreement between climate model predictions and the snowfall and temperature records doesn't necessarily mean that the models are wrong.

Professor Bromwich is right. The lack of proof doesn't set aside the fact that the debate is already over.

Wisconsin War Hero

I regularly visit Lance Burri to check out his sidebar offering of
'On This Day in Wisconsin History' to see what has happened on this day in Wisconsin's illustrious history. It's a very nice feature. I will occasionally read what Lance has to say as well.

1943 - Mildred Harnack Guillotined in Berlin

On this date Mildred Harnack was guillotined in Berlin, Germany. Harnack was born in Milwaukee and studied and lectured at the University of Wisconsin. She and her husband, Arvid Harnack, were key members of a German resistance group which assisted German Jews and political dissidents, circulated illegal literature, met secretly with prisoners of war, and worked to document Nazi atrocities in Europe. Known by the Nazis as the "Red Orchestra," Harnack's companions were arrested, tortured, and tried for their activities. Mildred Harnack was guillotined in Berlin on the personal orders of Adolf Hitler. [Source: UW - Madison Archives and Records Management Services]

I always like to read about the heroic history of Badgers whether it be from the Civil War, World War I, WW II, Korea, Viet Nam, or Iraq. In this case a Wisconsin-born woman stood against the Hitler regime and paid with her life. However, there is one little phrase in this article that troubled me; 'Red Orchestra'. After some further research, I was able to determine that Mildred and her husband Arvid opposed Hitler on behalf of Stalin's Communists. Some of the luster has been tarnished from my Badger pride.

Friction Among the Gods

Rabbi Aryeh Spero writes in Human Events an article titled 'Liberalism Is Philosophically Un-American'. He concludes his thoughts with these two paragraphs:

"Nothing bothers the socialist more than the notion of good vs. bad predicated on the Bible. Yet it is that version of what constitutes good and bad that has animated the American experience since its founding and by its founders. Our historic understanding of what is good and what is bad pre-dates that which Marx initiated and is most often in conflict with Marxist ideology, since ours is biblical and religious whereas Marxism is intrinsically anti-religious and dismissive of the Bible, indeed, a replacement of it."

"Perhaps that is why the American liberal community is so critical and derisive of their fellow countrymen. For nowhere in the world does a population take its guidance from the Bible as does mainstream America. It grates liberals to no end. I understand. It must be hard living in a country that holds views so contrary to one’s whole philosophic outlook. There is a place in this world for liberals and socialists. It is not America. It is called Europe -- and home is where the heart is."

But, Ma... Everybody's Doing It!

I especially enjoyed the title of this article by J.R. Dunn on American Thinker:

Scientific Consensus - Except for Those Other Scientists

Plain Talk- Easily Understood

Janet Albrechtsen reports in The Australian:

"British author Margaret Drabble summed it up thus: "My anti-Americanism has become almost uncontrollable. It has possessed me like a disease. It rises in my throat like acid reflux.""

(H.T. Dr. Sanity.)

Regulating Gas Prices

According to The Wisconsin Historical Society, on February 13th,

1935 - Gasoline Price Wars Quelled

On this date, in an effort to stop gasoline price wars, the state of Wisconsin established a minimum price of 16 cents per gallon for gasoline. [Source: Janesville Gazette]

Oh, No!! Mr. Bill!!

James Taranto publishes a reader's letter in response to Ellen Goodman, et al.'s assertion that the Global Warming debate is over. Here are the final portions of Marlon McAvoy's letter:

"So, Ellen, you know I gotta see that debate. DVD, VHS, heck, a written transcript would be great. Natch, I'll cover all expenses. I mean, holy cow. It's the greatest drubbing in the history of intellectual warfare; there is not one single word of debate about the entire debate. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?! The biggest laugher in history, without a single trace. HOW? There's already a zillion Colt tributes from this year's Super Bowl; you're telling me NOBODY YouTubed this fate-of-the-world conflict? And come ON! The whole debate, start to finish, couldn't have run 15 seconds. It's not like this was Ali-Frazier. Not even Tyson-Spinks. Nope, this had to be Godzilla-Bambi."

"Well, guess what? I SAW that Godzilla versus Bambi matchup, in Bowling Green, Kentucky, in 1982. Here, I'll share it. Remember this isn't a recap, Ellen; this is the entire dang fight:

Godzilla by squash-out, a quarter-second in."

"See? The global warming debate had to be something like that. So...can I see it now?"

In appreciation,

Marlon McAvoy

Yeah! What HE said!

A C-Span Sports Network exclusive.

Vindication?

From an AP News story titled '5 Grammys Mark Dixie Chicks' Comeback' on Townhall.com:

"The Dixie Chicks won all five awards they were nominated for, sweet vindication after the superstars' lives were threatened and sales plummeted when Maines criticized President Bush on the eve of the Iraq war in 2003. Almost overnight, one of the most successful groups of any genre was boycotted by Nashville and disappeared from country radio."

Sweet vindication? Perhaps, unless the majority of Recording Academy voters suffer from Bush Derangement Syndrome. In that case the sweet vindication would find its analog in NAMBLA's sweet vindication of a convicted child molester.

Makeovers-R-Us

Before

After

If NBC divulged this news, its ratings would skyrocket. Does Katie wear an adult disposable brief through the newscast?

Lunar Psychodynamics

Lyle Rossiter analyzes moonbattery and concludes:

[...] "What the competent citizen wants, in contrast to the modern liberal, is a coherent and dependable structure for ordered liberty, secured by a limited government that respects the autonomy and sovereignty of the individual and protects his property rights against the constant invasions of collectivism."

"The liberal mind rejects this prescription on principle and attempts to overthrow it in government policy. What the liberal seeks in order to feel secure is the modern welfare state with its endless guarantees and endless regulations. This goal is literally fantastic in its own right. But equally irrational is the method by which he attempts to achieve it."

"He is willing to use any kind of government power, including power which destroys the foundations of civilized freedom, in order to get what he demands: government insured safety and security over the entire lifespan, along with accommodation to his neurotic demands. He seeks through the state that degree of coercion needed to redress the trauma, injustice, helplessness and humiliation experienced at the hands of his original caretakers. He hopes to do this by passing laws that indulge his impulses and exempt him from the proper obligations of mature adulthood."

"Considered in its entirety, the liberal’s goal of making the state into an ideal parent/family and his method of achieving it by compelling competent people to do his bidding constitute the radical liberal agenda. Above all, the agenda is a blueprint for the use of irresistible government power. Driven by his irrational needs and desires, the radical liberal mind is more than willing to sacrifice the noble structure of liberty that originally defined America for the shabby asylum of the modern welfare state."

Our Father, who art in Washington,
Hallowed by thy name.
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done
On Earth as it is in your Utopia.
Give us this day our daily bread,
And forgive us our trespasses
As we overlook your trespasses against us.
Lead us not into liberty,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom
And the power and the glory,
Forever and ever.

Apersons.

We Are Fam-i-lee!

Lisa Nowak, Astronaut,
Gavin Newsome, Mayor of San Francisco,
Mel Gibson, Actor, Director, Producer,
Mark Foley, U.S. Congressman,
Mike Tyson, Former Boxer,...

"In all these instances," [and countless others] "the message is the same: The booze made me do it. Even when some personal fault is acknowledged, the unstated assumption is that once the drinking or drug use is dealt with, everything will be okay."

"This is a prime example of what sociologist Philip Rieff called "the triumph of the therapeutic." In his book by that name, Rieff described the emergence of what he called "psychological man.""

""Psychological man," who was only possible because of Christianity’s declining cultural influence, is the product of a Freudian worldview. It isn’t interested in the good life, but “living well”—that is, with a minimum of emotional and psychological distress. Anything that causes this distress becomes the enemy, including a sense of responsibility and respect for authority."

"But what happens when you do something bad, like having an affair with your friend’s wife? Or trying to kill a rival for your lover’s affections? Well, now, you don’t talk about sin because that has been dispensed with in our culture. So you look for an external cause of the behavior like alcohol or mental illness. You do not punish; you provide “treatment” that deals with these external causes."

"Nonsense! What we need instead is to recover what therapy replaced: sin and individual responsibility, knowledge of right and wrong and the sense of shame that reinforces it. This might be decidedly politically incorrect, but it’s the only thing that will make “better persons” of us all."

From Chuck Colson's article, 'The Booze Didn't Make You Do It', in Townhall.com.

Fractured Anthropology

Somewhere in the vicinity of 10,000 years ago the Libero-Magnon clan roamed Central Wisconsin. They were a prosperous tribe, growing fat on their skills at robbing other tribes and gathering fruits and nuts.

Almost imperceptibly, the glacial ice crept southward. The busy tribesmen and women did not notice until one day it became apparent that before too long the ice would cover the cave entrance. There was panic among the tribe. Chief Zagook prayed to and hugged the tree-god, blamed the bush, danced, and sacrificed virgins. Nothing worked, the ice continued toward the cave.

Young Zalgor pondered the situation. He shed his mammoth skins and sat naked on a rock with his elbow on his knee and fist positioned under his chin. After many moons of intensive pondering, his tired eyes widened as he leapt from the boulder.

"I've got it!," he cried.

"More gas?" asked his father.

"No!" Zalgor exclaimed, "I figured a way to stop the ice!"

"Yeah, but peeing on it will not stop it," father replied.

"No, no... it's the heat. I will invent fire and we'll use that to stop the glacier."

His father just shook his head and continued skinning a possum that had been run over by a passing buffalo herd.

Zalgor was not deterred. He began rubbing two sticks together as he thought more about the problem. He farted near the sticks and the explosion started a fire in some nearby dry leaves and twigs.

Zalgor was excited. He told the members of the clan to take a stick from the fire and start other fires all around the forest. Soon hundreds of fires were burning throughout the region.

"How's that going to help? That still isn't enough heat to melt the glacier," his father explained.

"No, no... The fires are releasing more than just heat, they are putting out greenhouse gases that will cause flat-earth warming! The glaciers will recede!"

Sure enough the glacier retreated to Canada and life returned to pristine for the tribe. As the clan's stores of food increased they were stored in a root-cave for future consumption, but soon many animals raided and depleted the stores. Zalgor wove a strong large mesh net to deter some and trap others.

Soon, however, smaller animals, such as rats, roaches, and proto-telemarketers were able to transverse the net and empty the communal food bank.

Zalgor set to work again. He wove a small mesh net and placed it between the larger net and the cave door. All raids immediately ceased.

Zalgor's father was so pleased by his son's ingenuity.

"Son," he said, "I'm so proud of you. You've invented the innernet!"

Idols Among Atheists

Written and published nearly 25 years ago, Herbert Schlossberg's book, Idols for Destruction, Christian Faith and It's Confrontation with American Society has accurately portrayed the development of idolatry in America as it progresses in abandoning the Christian faith. These idols are not the classic versions of those made of wood, stone, or precious metals, but are man-made icons nonetheless. They lead their worshippers in paths of destruction, both within and without.

In his chapter titled, 'Idols of Power', Schlossberg discusses the Leftist doctrine of 'State Power- Healer of All Ills'.

[Paraphrasing Walter Lippmann] "...those who press for the expansion of state power do so because they have a doctrine that misery and disorder can be rectified by compulsion, that happiness comes from the state. When the application of that principle produces further disorder, they do not abandon the docrtine but rather call for the intensification of its application, since they have nothing else to recommend."

[...]"...with a record of fatuous incompetence, dishonest, irrationality, and bloody repression almost beyond description, statism nevertheless boasts a hoard of fanatical adherents. Ignorant devotees or cunning and cynical hypocrits, they give it power and, equipped with modern technologies, make it a fierce and implacable enemy."

Not So Bad After All

While walking around outside, I concluded that the harsh winter weather that we have been experiencing had finally broken. Temperatures even slightly above zero seem mighty springlike. Just a little too low to work on my tan, but pretty darn close.

Back inside, I heard a frantic S.O.S. call on the shortwave. A resident of upstate New York, near Lake Erie, was outlining the conditions within which his family was trying to survive. He explained that he had just returned from a 7 hour Arctic expedition to his mailbox. Three members of his party were lost in an avalanche.

He was requesting St. Bernards to search for them, but then changed his mind and asked that someone just air drop a couple of kegs of brandy instead.

Those upstate New Yorkers are really a bunch of wusses, complaining about a mere 8 feet of snow.

Dialogue Promotes Understanding and Peace

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar, but less serious state.

The Marine was conscious and alert and, as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, “I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.”

“I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, low-life scum bag, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a good-for- nothing, fat, left-wing liberal, democrat drunk.”

“So I yelled that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian !”

“He retaliated by yelling, ‘Oh yeah? Well, so does Hillary Clinton’ !”

“And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us…"


(From Stix Blog.)

Bears Suing Favre?

Just as pre-game analysis during the two weeks before the Super Bowl seemed to drone on for 2 months, the post-game proctological examinations have been just as wretched. Every conceivable reasoning has been applied.

There is one explanation that seems to make a lot of sense. The Colts were just a better team. As true as that may be, it doesn't capture the reality of the February 4th game. As even a casual fan of the game could see, the Bears were defeated when they walked onto the field.

The real reason for the Bears poor play was due to their psychological deflation after hearing the February 2nd news of Brett Favre's return to the Packer lineup. Subsequently, the fecal odor in the Bears' hotel, locker room, practice field, and sideline reeked of a South Texas outhouse in July. The sale of adult disposable diapers skyrocketed.

Several unnamed Bear starters were reported to have said, "We may be the Bears, and we may be in the Super Bowl, but with Favre back, we still suck!"

No Amount of Proof is Sufficient

I was in an argument the other day with a dyslexic atheist who tried to prove to me that Dog doesn't exist.

For the Children

"The other day your lemonade stand reported the highest profits in the history of the world. I want to take those selfish capitalistic profits and I want to put them into a strategic libation lock box that will begin to fund alternative, smart whistle-wetting, alternatives and technology that will begin to actually move us toward the direction of independent thirst quenching. I have to tell you, I am not running for president to put Fizzies in our potables."

Statistics

Could you imagine being a sports writer, commentator, or newscaster and having to fill two full weeks of time with creative effort hyping the Super Bowl? Dead air is not a good thing in that business so those people have to come up with something.

Often the time is filled with something like this: "Historically, when the third string offensive right tackle of the AFC representative in the Super Bowl has a mother who is celebrating her fiftieth birthday that same year while in jail accused of prostitution and voted for the Democrat candidate for President in all elections since she could vote, the AFC representative wins 72.3% of the time."

Boy, Howdy, I'm glad that they could finally play the game. The preceding two weeks were continual Guantanamo/Abu Ghraib waterboarding.

However, this year I reckoned that if I couldn't beat 'em, I should join 'em. I took every conceivable statistic from the NFL and plugged them into my basement lab's super computer... (I didn't realize that the Packers starting offensive line averages a 3.2 inch vertical!)... and let it do its calculations.

And voila! The computer spat out only one predictive statistic worth printing. Since the Packers won world championships in 1961 & 1962, the Chicago Bears won in 1963, the Packers won in 1965, 1966, & 1967 (the last two were Super Bowls I & II), the Bears won Super Bowl XX, the Packers won Super Bowl XXXI, but lost Super Bowl XXXII, the Bears lost Super Bowl XLI...

The lab computer predicts that the Packers will soon play in two, perhaps three, successive Super Bowls, winning two under either circumstance.

Where was that on ESPN Sportscenter during the two weeks prior to Sunday's Super Bowl?

I'm making reservations now for Glendale, Arizona, for February, 2008, Tampa, Florida, February, 2009, and maybe even Miami, in February, 2010.

Then Favre can retire.

Everybody Talks About the Weather, But...

I have a running joke going with my pastor. He is a winter guy; liking the snow and cold. I, on the other hand, have learned to appreciate the winters that I experienced in Florida, Georgia, and Texas.

For the past couple of years I told him that I had a prayer team organized down in Jamaica that would pray against snow and cold weather here in Wisconsin. Since the past 2 winters were quite mild, it appeared that their activities were effective.

Last week I told him that the Environmental Protection Agency was investigating my 'team' for their contribution to global warming and ordered them to cease and desist their activities. And look what has happened; it was -17 here this morning and promises to continue for some time.

If my team can no longer pray for mild winters, perhaps I shall ask them to pray for a pox on the EPA's house.

The Suffering, The Villians, and The Heroes

Lyle H. Rossiter, Jr, MD, opines about the American Liberal mindset:

A very large portion of the population is suffering; they are suffering because they are deprived, neglected, exploited or abused.

They are suffering because of certain injustices inflicted upon them.

They are helpless to stop their suffering.

Bad people, such as capitalists and the rich, cause the victims to suffer by depriving, neglecting, exploiting and abusing them.

These bad people are villains who must be stopped from preying on their victims.

The villains are ruthless, powerful, selfish, cruel and mean spirited.

The bad institutions supported by the villains are economic, social and political in nature; they include free market capitalism, basic property rights, strict moral and ethical accountability, reasonable social decorum, personal and financial responsibility, individual sovereignty, and justice based on merit and desert. [...]

Modern liberals are heroes whose mission is to rescue the victims from the villains.

Modern liberals are compassionate, wise, empathetic and nurturing. [...]

Because the villains and their institutions are ruthless and powerful, the people need a powerful liberal government, The Modern Parental State, to protect them from the villains and the institutions supported by the villains. [...]

Much of the suffering of the victims comes from too much freedom in economic markets, which allows the villains to exploit the victims for unjust gain. [...]

Some of the suffering of the victims comes from too little social freedom and too many restrictions on behavior in social situations.

The Modern Parental State will lower the standards of social conduct in order to free the victimized citizen from guilt and from adverse legal consequences when he acts criminally, irresponsibly or offensively. [...]

The whole article is quite interesting.

Paul Jacob, in a similar vein also writes:

Many amongst our elite opinion leaders find government “Of the people” so passé. Yes, they’re all for government for the people, and plenty of it: Nanny-state government run by them. But government “by the people?” Egads, no.

Dungy and Smith

I often root for Tony Dungy because of how he was treated by Tampa Bay. But, there is much more:



I have a lot of respect for Lovie Smith as well:

What a weird couple of days

I was reading Lileks yesterday, and he used the word "apotheosis" in a sentence. So I said to myself, out loud, "I've never used the word 'apotheosis' in a sentence." I've been wandering around in an ironic funk ever since.

Reparations

The Supreme Court ruled today that the 1/8th part of Tiger Woods that is Caucasian must pay reparations to both his 1/8th American Indian part and the 1/4th African-American part. His 1/4th Chinese part is only allowed one child and his 1/4th Thai part is forbidden to eat cats.

Tiger refers to himself as a Cablinasian, a portmanteau of Caucasian, Black, American-Indian, and Asian.

Friday Night Fights

Cole masters the technique of jabbing his way inside against a taller fighter.

Who Knew?

Jay P. Green and Marcus A. Winters report in the Wall Street Journal:

"According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, public school teachers earned $34.06 per hour in 2005, 36% more than the hourly wage of the average white-collar worker and 11% more than the average professional specialty or technical worker."

The Bloods, The Crips, & Sectarian War

Amir Taheri, an Iranian-born journalist and author based in Europe, writes in the New York Post:

[...]"What is happening in Iraq, however, is neither a civil nor a sectarian war (although elements of both exist within the broader context). This war is a political one - between those who wish Iraq to succeed as a new democracy and those who want it to fail."

"Those who want the new Iraq to succeed represent the overwhelming majority of Iraqis of all ethnic and religious backgrounds. Those who want it to fail are made up of Saddamite bitter-enders, some misguided pan-Arab nationalists, death squads financed by Tehran - and a variety of non-Iraqi terrorist outfits who have come to Iraq to kill and die in the name of their perverted vision of Islam."

"In short, the war in Iraq is part of the broader war against terrorism and its many dark forces."

It Takes a Village
To Pump Gas

Rush Limbaugh played an audio portion of a Hillary Clinton speech at the Democrat National Committee winter meeting. He also has it transcripted on his website:

"HILLARY: The other day the oil companies reported the highest profits in the history of the world. I want to take those profits and I want to put them into a strategic energy fund that will begin to fund alternative, smart energy, alternative and technology that will begin to actually move us toward the direction of independence. I have to tell you, I am not running for president to put Band-Aids on our problems."

Oh, my!

Beyond the Peter Principle

Phyllis Schlafly comments on the next wave of 'No Child Left Behind'.

Mental health screening of all children is the goal of legislation introduced into many state legislatures this year. Typical of these highly controversial bills is the Missouri bill that would require every Missouri school district, in collaboration with "the office of comprehensive child mental health," to develop "a policy of incorporating social and emotional development into the district's educational program."

The Missouri bill requires schools to "address teaching and assessing social and emotional skills and protocols for responding to children with social, emotional or mental health problems." The bill also requires the Missouri state board of education to set "social and emotional development standards."

Since our public educational institutions have already mastered the teaching of readin', writin', 'rithmatic, and critical thinking...

Taxpayers... send more money... for the children.

Neighborhood Characters-
Bubba

Bubba, the tomcat, is a frequent and long time visitor to our property. Apparently his is an accomplished mooch-around-town. Bubba is all head, neck, and chest, the feline version of a bulldog. As the picture shows, Bubba lost an eye by some means a while back. He also has some crippling injury to his pelvis. Nonetheless, he will still pursue other cats and 'escort' them from the hood. (Kitty crack dealers and such.)

Black History Month

Marvin Olasky writes a piece on Townhall.com about an upcoming historic anniversay:

"I hate your little whittling sneer
Your pert and self-sufficient leer
begone, for shame
Thou dwarf with big resounding name."

This little ditty was penned by James Boswell, the famed biographer of Samuel Johnson, directed to the 5 foot giant, William Wilberforce. There were many such sentiments directed to Wilberforce during the first 20 years of his politcal career, but Wilberforce did not react in kind. Rather, he continued to press his agenda forward.

Finally, on February 23rd, 1807, the patience and determination of Wilber Wilberforce began to pay off. On this day, the British Parliament finally voted to abolish the slave trade. (It was another 30 years before the Brits abolished slavery in the Commonwealth, just 3 days before Wilberforce died.)

Olasky quotes Wilberforce, showing that his words are as applicable today in America as they were in 19th Century England, "...the national difficulties we face result from the decline of religion and morality among us. I must confess equally boldly that my own solid hopes for the well-being of my country depend, not so much on her navies and armies as on the persuasion that she still contains many who love and obey the Gospel of Christ. I believe that their prayers may yet prevail."