Today...

...Mitchell officially became the shortest member of the tallest third of the Baraboo Burri family. Or, if you prefer, the middle member of the tallest half. Or the tallest member of the shortest five-sixths.

My days may be numbered. Gonna need you all to lean heavily on the top of his head whenever you see him.

And Then It Got Weird

In the midst of our mole hill to mountain lawsuit/counter lawsuit battle, we decided to throw a party at our house yesterday.

Some of you may think we partied to celebrate this year's State Supreme Court ruling in case #886 which strengthens our case. Or perhaps, some thought that we were holding a pity party over this year's State Supreme Court ruling in case #1287, which inhibits portions of our case. However, neither ruling was the basis for yesterday's frolic. This party was to celebrate the existence of construction engineers.

Invitees included three lawyers, definitely not the life of the party. One was ours. One for Madison TV station, WKOW, and one for the original plaintiff. There were also two engineers specializing in home construction. One was hired by WKOW and one by the plaintiff. (Our engineer had inspected a couple of months ago.) There was also one plaster/stucco specialist present. I'm not sure who hired him. There was a illustrator/note taker. These experts performed a thorough house exam and had to have taken hundreds and hundreds of pictures. They climbed ladders, they poked and prodded, inside and out. (One inspector claimed he was looking for my weapons cache. He failed.) After several hours, the party broke up and the revelers left. Linda and I went to work.

Then it got weird. While at work, I got a call from Linda. After we had gone, my step-daughter, Kim was in the bathroom while her friend, Joe, waited in the living room. At a knock on the door, Joe answered. There was a man with a camera who asked, "Are you Joe? I have to take some pictures of the house. He took several before Kim found out and gave him the boot. Linda and I could not figure what was going on with this. Were there underhanded shenanigans undertaken by our adversaries?

After a short while the situation was explained. The photographer was at the wrong address. He was supposed to be appraising our neighbor's house, who is also named Joe. There was no private investigative underhanded spying after all. Phew! I was afraid he may have found my secret weapons cache.

A fun time was had by all.

Our fundamental claim that started all this mess consists of a continuous 1/4 to 1/2 inch gap that was present before the contractor's work that was absent after the work. Claiming that plugging this gap caused tens of thousands of dollars damages to the exterior of our home got us sued for defamation along with WKOW (the deep pockets) for airing our complaint. The presiding judge ruled that our counter-claim for damages will be tried before defamation suit. We are thankful that WKOW has not settled to 'cut their losses'. The trial starts in November supposedly followed by the defamation trial sometime later.

And they say that baseball is a game of inches.

Let the Countdown to 40...

...begin!

The Audacity of Hope

Robert Deyes analyzes probable reasons for the success of a hoax.

Hope, desire and prejudice are the three words that Stephen Jay Gould used to explain why one of the greatest embarrassments of evolutionary biology and anthropology was so widely accepted by some of the most renowned paleontologists of our time- the 1912 hoax of the Piltdown man.

Evolutionary biology has long touted upwardly mobile change over time. Gould explained that hope, desire, and prejudice promoted the hoax.

The audacity of hope, the desire for change, and overcoming prejudice are pillars of the Obama campaign. From henceforth, I dub thee, Senator Barack Obama, 'The Piltdown Man II'.

Not coincidentally, Piltdown is a village located on the continent of Europe.

Me and Julio

Me and Julio down at the School Yard-- The School Yard Bar and Grill. We wanted to watch President Obama's speech in Berlin and in case we got into a fight we didn't want to break up our own home furniture. Me and Julio are sensitive to our wives that way.

I had the day off since I had worked the weekend. Julio was off since he and his co-workers were tipped off that the INS was raiding his ACORN office.

The afternoon crowd at the School Yard consisted of Julio and me, and only a couple of other older dudes. We surmised that the rest of the world was off greedily seeking selfish lucre and really did not care enough about the world to be informed by Obama's wisdom and grace.

During the speech, Obama mentioned that he was the son of a Kenyan goat herder. In response to this, Julio exclaimed, "Chupacabra!"

"Huh?"

"When Obama worked with us at ACORN, he just sucked. Since he is the son of a goat herder, he is a prime candidate for the first documented Chupracabra."

Hans, a German immigrant old-timer sitting near us at the bar laughed and said, "Ich bin ein Chupacabra, a jelly-spined goatsucker!"

As Obama mentioned 'saving the planet' and 'reducing carbon output', I said that we should instead drill now off our coasts and in ANWAR.

Boris, a Russian immigrant old-timer sitting near us at the bar laughed and said, "Vy don't you sell Alaska back to Mother Russia to relieve your national debt. Ve vill drill ANVAR and sell the petrol back to you."

"Wodkas for everybody!"

Boris/Hans ticket, 2008. I'll write them in.

A Fly on the Wall

Sometimes you are just at the right place at the right time to be privy to an interesting intimate conversation.

Yesterday, while I was sitting outside at work, my boss's Jack Russell terrier noticed the neighbor's cocker spaniel on the other side of the chain link fence. I expected a major show of alpha territoriality, but was surprised to witness a civil canine exchange of information.

After a moment of nose-to-nose communication, the Jack Daniels pivoted, lifted his leg, and urinated on the fence. The spaniel checked it out thoughtfully. He then pivoted, lifted his leg, and emptied his little bladder in the same spot. The Jack Dempsey sniffed the offered information carefully. Apparently satisfied, both critters turned and trotted away.

As he sauntered by, I asked the Jack Russell what was up with that. He told me that they were re-enacting Senator Obama's summit with European leaders.

I will write him in.

Not Just Any Empty Suit

There are many who say that Barack Obama is nothing but an empty suit.



But, at least he's a Platinum Sharkskin Zoot Suit.

Bad Boys, Bad Boys
Whatcha Gonna Do, Whatcha Gonna Do
When They Come for You?

Back in 1972 we lived the original inspiration for the present day television hits such as 'Cops', 'Reno 911!', 'Law and Order', and 'CSI'.

MP-554:
Caught this Guthrie fella litterin'

Even as a Pagan who voted for George McGovern in 1972, I was an obvious racist. This proved a harbinger that I would soon become a Christian and Conservative:


Shortly after recovering from this Liberal brain damage.

Nerds of the world, unite!

I Am A: Lawful Good Human Paladin (5th Level)

Ability Scores:

Strength-14

Dexterity-11

Constitution-12

Intelligence-15

Wisdom-10

Charisma-13

Alignment:
Lawful Good A lawful good character acts as a good person is expected or required to act. He combines a commitment to oppose evil with the discipline to fight relentlessly. He tells the truth, keeps his word, helps those in need, and speaks out against injustice. A lawful good character hates to see the guilty go unpunished. Lawful good is the best alignment you can be because it combines honor and compassion. However, lawful good can be a dangerous alignment because it restricts freedom and criminalizes self-interest.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Class:
Paladins take their adventures seriously, and even a mundane mission is, in the heart of the paladin, a personal test an opportunity to demonstrate bravery, to learn tactics, and to find ways to do good. Divine power protects these warriors of virtue, warding off harm, protecting from disease, healing, and guarding against fear. The paladin can also direct this power to help others, healing wounds or curing diseases, and also use it to destroy evil. Experienced paladins can smite evil foes and turn away undead. A paladin's Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that they can cast. Many of the paladin's special abilities also benefit from a high Charisma score.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)


Hat tip Elliot, who is a 5th level neutral good human wizard.

Jesting At Windmills

Al Gore has challenged America to make a "man on the moon" effort to produce all of the country's electricity from renewable resources such as solar and wind power within 10 years.

Here's my review of Mr. Gore's speech:

The Problem


The Solution

Al, you're good enough. You're smart enough. And doggone it... people like you!

All this may cost a little more, but you're worth it.

...'make a "man on the moon" effort.' Mr. Gore, your private jets won't quite get you there, but alternative transportation can be arranged.

You Will Be Healed
If You Only Believe

Finally... After millions of 'For the Children' speeches and trillions of dollars filtered throught the efficient, magical fingers of the bureaucratic Ponzi planners, the Democrat version of universal health care titled 'Quintessentially Universal American Caregiving Keynesian System' finally gets rolling:


"Next stop, Dr. Sanity's Carnival!"
(Not to worry... Al Gore's Global Warming Cabinet Post commissioned the hybridization of these cows to be fart free.)

Renewable Resource

I'm getting shpilkes in my geneckteckessoink.

Oh, dear, I'm all verklempt.

Talk amongst yourselves, I'll give you a topic:

[...]The overwhelming preponderance of geological evidence compels the conclusion that crude oil and natural petroleum gas have no intrinsic connection with biological matter originating near the surface of the Earth. They are primordial materials which have been erupted from great depths.[...]

Contrarily, the statistics of the international petroleum industry establish that, far from diminishing, the net known recoverable reserves of petroleum have been growing steadily for the past fifty years. Those statistics show that, for every year since about 1946, the international petroleum industry has discovered at least five new tons of recoverable oil for every three which have been consumed. As Professor P. Odell has put the circumstance succinctly, instead of "running out of oil," the human race by every measure seems to be "running into oil".[...]

Discuss.

Patriotic Hippie Raccoon

"Mom, Mom, Ma,... MAA! I know you've had a long, hard day, but you KNOW I can't sleep until I hear Jimi Hendrix play "The Star-Spangled Banner!"

"Thanks, Mmm... ZZZZzzz."

The Unkindest Cut of All

The Presidential candidate, Senator Barack Obama, has promised to bring change and unity to a mean spirited American culture. In a statement of solidarity, the Reverend Doctor Jesse Jack-knife expressed the desire to perform a very unifying testes excision procedure for the good senator. You can't get much more unified than that- solidarity with all that is culturally European.

The Reverend's surgical technique is so advanced that he would forego the use of anesthetics in the performance of the delicate operation. Pre-op testing had convinced Jesse that Obama was already a numbnuts, probably due to Michelle's iron-fisted clench.

Sharpton: "Looks lahk Obama's giddyup and gonads got up and went. They wasn't passing no slave blood genes to produce an authentic African-American generation anyways."

The removed articles will be put up for auction on E-bay, with all proceeds going to funding this year's Democrat National Convention in Denver. That puts quite a different spin on the delineation of 'Rocky Mountain Oysters.'

The Reverend Jackson's remarks are historically consistent with his apparent fascination with human genitalia. Several years ago he was criticized for referring to New York as Hymietown. He, however, was misquoted. In actuality, he really said 'Hymentown' after he was unable to seduce several of the young locals.

Now, more than ever, no one will be able to legitimately question Barack Obama's matriotism.

Gaea Strikes Back

Normally mortal enemies, these two children of Gaea ally themselves to attack an even more dangerous enemy; a pickup drivin' global warmin' denier:





From long ago I still remember watching episodes of 'Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom.' Host Marlin Perkins would narrate the dangers of the natural world while safely seated on his horse or Lazy Boy recliner while his sidekick, Jim, would be in the middle of the action, risking his life getting the crap kicked out of him by an anaconda, a crazed jaguar, or some other wonder of nature.

I know just how you feel, Jim.

Sabotage

For the past few days our cable connection has not provided the internet while leaving our television in perfect operation. The cable guy found external hardware with markings showing that its parts were manufactured in Venezuela, North Korea, Cuba, and Iran.

"It's the Democrats," he told me. "We see this all the time. You must be a Conservative blogger. They hate FISA primarily because it monitors free speech, but doesn't even attempt to stifle it. They mean to correct that."

I think my own brother ratted me out.

Endangered Specie

John Derbyshire quotes from an article in Astronomy by Abraham Loeb:

We had better observe the universe in the next tens of billions of years and document our findings for the benefit of future scientists who won't be able to do so.

Then, the money quote:

Perhaps funding agencies should take notice and allocate funds for cosmology now.

Obama Gets Monumental Endorsement

Mountain Lakes, N.J.- In stunning announcement today, Mrs. Butterworth, star of pancake syrup bottles and Geico commercials, endorsed Barack Obama for President of the United States in 2008:

"Senator Barack Obama has shown the character that convinces me that he is the right person to be America's next President. He loves his breakfast waffles. And since he is what he eats, he is able to waffle with confidence throughout the day."

The Obama campaign staff secretly plotted a way to throw Mrs. Butterworth under the bus saying, "Her picture on the syrup bottle will be transformed into a missing person's announcement."

Never Guess What I Watched Tonight

"Begun, the clone war has."

Cool website

What's one of the biggest problems for runners and walkers, particularly those who are just starting out?

Knowing how far you've gone!

Somebody pointed MJ to this great website: http://www.usatf.org/routes/map/. It uses Google maps to let you map out a route, and then tells you how long that route is. It even puts mile markers up for you.

You just zoom in to your neighborhood, click your starting point, and then keep clicking along your route to extend the route. Every click creates an as-the-crow-flies line from your last point, so don't go running through any backyards.

It also has a "there and back" feature, if you just have a turnaround point.

I spent so much time playing with it today, I ran out of time for running.

Obama's Election Will Not End Racism &
Tiger Woods May Prove It

According to an article in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Charles Steele Jr., president and CEO of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference:

Barack Obama is “of the system. He’s going to be in the system,”...

“Because he has no slave blood in him. He does not have any slave blood in him, but Michelle does.

“This system is an issue. I don’t care what you say. You can’t expect the system that enslaved you save you,”...

Just in case that isn't sufficient proof for you guilt ridden deniers, I propose that the following reality will enlighten even the KKK and the Skinheads:

If Tiger Woods doesn't return from his knee surgery with 100 straight victories and leave Jack Nicklaus as a golfing footnote, pernicious racism is proven beyond any possible penumbra of any shadow of all doubt.

Tiger's White surgeon, Thomas Rosenberg, sounds Jewish, took a portion of Tiger's right hamstring tendon and repaired the torn ACL on his left knee. This was intentionally done to insure that Tiger would not return to his dominating form. Tiger's right hamstring was handed down from his 1/4 White heritage and his left knee is from his 1/4 Black heritage. Any failures during Tiger's rehabilitation and comeback will prove White racism.

Hey, it's as logical as using 'slave blood' as an argument, isn't it?

Odd Obama Rhetoric

Senator Barack Obama's Father's Day speech at the Apostolic Church of God in Chicago received some good reviews, even from Conservatives. The Devil, however, was giving us the finger in the Messiah's rhetorical details.

Here's a key sentence that seems to mirror Bill Cosby's critique:

We need fathers to realize that responsibility does not end at conception.

What an odd sentence, especially for the line that states one of the keys messages for the whole speech.

I assume that, in the circumstances to which he is referring, the man only considers his previous responsibility to be satisfaction of his sex drive. Is Obama requiring that that responsibility should continue or that he should take on a new one?

Beyond being an odd turn of phrase, this sentence is also totally illogical in light of Obama's political views. As a proponent of abortion on demand, how can Senator Obama consider a man as a father to something that is not legally a person?

"Congratulations! It's a(n)...
-zygote!
-embryo!
-fetus!
-clump of cells!"

What would a responsible father do in the case where the mother choses to kill his child, Senator Obama?

"Have a cigar!"

"Which one is yours?"

"The one in that dumpster right over there!"

The second key idea of the Obama Father's Day speech are detailed in the following:

And by the way — it’s a responsibility that also extends to Washington. Because if fathers are doing their part; if they’re taking our responsibilities seriously to be there for their children, and set high expectations for them, and instill in them a sense of excellence and empathy, then our government should meet them halfway.[...]

We should be making it easier…

We should reward…

We should expand programs…

…we should guarantee every worker more paid sick leave…

We should take all of these steps to build a strong foundation for our children.

It takes a commune. Ahh, back on message.