Saturday, May 09, 2009

Techniques of Modern, Modern Science in a Materialist World

Several of the scientists in our secret basement laboratory were sitting around in a large conference room sipping brandy and chatting about current events. The conversation eventually turned to the methods commonly used to do science in our modern culture.

Dr. Schwarzensky chimed in, "A lot of science today is done like a man urinating in a public bathroom. He stands there tapping the bladder for a while facing a wall with nothing interesting to look at. It is considered very rude to talk to a neighboring 'researcher' or even do a quick 'peer review' of his 'research.' Hopefully one day while doing such mundane activity...Eureka!

Dr. Okeke added, "Yes, indeed. It also resembles a man sitting in his restroom stall performing a prolonged Valsalva maneuver to produce fruitful results. After substantial effort and time, usually a conclusion is reached. Ninety-nine times out of one hundred, these conclusions deservedly get flushed. Usually, after the flushing, the stomach-turning odor is only an embarrassment, but these days, that odor is considered definitive proof of anthropocentric global warming."

"You dudes are bummin' my buzz," spat Dr. Suzuki, "Anyone for more brandy?"

"Here, here! Oh, look this flask was made in the lab last March!"

"Most excellent! March was a very good month."

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