Grandpa John's

Sarah's One Tough Mudder

2012-01-30T19:35:00.000-06:00

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Sarah was one of my former students. She was a good student; quiet and shy, and a little bit girly for having two brothers. But Sarah was pretty athletic and quite tough. One day she came up to my office complaining of shoulder pain. It turned out to be a broken collar bone.

I guess Sarah was even tougher than I thought. Here's a couple of pictures of her during and after a recent Tough Mudder competition in Texas.

"Just like going into my brothers' room while I was growing up."

Sarah, second from left, with her glamor shot.

She makes her old basketball coach very proud.

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The Merchedes State of the Union

2012-01-25T16:50:00.000-06:00

Wisconsin: We're #1, We're #1!

2012-01-20T18:45:00.000-06:00

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According to the CDC:

1 in 4 Wisconsinites are binge drinkers.

Who are the 25%?

Sinking the Bismarck

2012-01-18T08:15:00.002-06:00

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To arms! To arms! The TrogloPundit has declared war on North Dakota.

Yes, the North Dakota ad campaign is 'a little flirty, a little fun.' But this is the 2010's where diversity and multiculturalism rule the day.

So I say, "C'mon to North Dakota, horny dudes!"

"We can see Siberia from our house."

While the President Checks the Oval Office Window for Golfing Potential

2012-01-17T00:00:00.000-06:00

Willard is Preparing to Move Rat Families Out of D.C. or Perhaps Even Into D.C.

All Cultures Are Equal

2012-01-16T20:44:00.000-06:00

In my email this morning:

Are you a  Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?
 
Here is a little test that will help  you decide. 


The answer can be found by  posing the following question: 

You're walking down a deserted  street with your wife 
and two small children.

Suddenly, a terrorist  with a huge knife 
comes around the corner, 
locks eyes with  you,
screams obscenities, 
raises the knife, and charges at  you... 

You are carrying a 
Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an  expert shot. 
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your  family. 
What do you do? 


Democrat's  Answer:
· Well, that's not enough information  to answer the question!
· What is a Kimber 1911 cal. 45  ACP?
· Does the man look poor or  oppressed?
· Is he really a terrorist? Am I  guilty of profiling?
· Have I ever done anything to him  that would inspire him to attack?
· Could we run away?
· What does my wife  think?
· What about the kids?
· Could I possibly swing the gun like  a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
· What does the law say about this  situation?
· Does the pistol have appropriate  safety built into it?
· Why am I carrying a loaded gun  anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my  children?
· Is it possible he'd be happy with  just killing me?
· Does he definitely want to kill me,  or would he be content just to wound me?
· If I were to grab his knees and  hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
· Should I call 9-1-1?
· Why is this street so  deserted?
· We need to raise taxes, have paint  & weed day.
· Can we make this a happier,  healthier street that would discourage such behavior?
· I need to debate this with some  friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
· This is all so  confusing!

............ ......... .........  ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ... 
Republican's  Answer:

BANG! 


............ .........  ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......

Southerner's  Answer: 

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!  BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG ! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click..... (Sounds of  reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!  BANG! 
BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
Click 

Daughter: 'Nice grouping,  Daddy!' 
'Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow  Points?! 

Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!' 

Wife: 'You  are NOT taking that to a Taxidermist!

(H.T. Will Nehs)

Turnabout is Fair Play

2012-01-15T23:22:00.000-06:00

RATS!

A Decade After Recovery, H.L. Hunley on Display

2012-01-15T22:32:00.001-06:00

Torpedo Fish Sinks Screw Sloop Before Sinking Itself In 1864

Another interesting piece of history:

(Photo by Bruce Smith/AP)

MSNBC story here.

More photos here.

Wikipedia entry here.

(H.T. Keith Burgess-Jackson.)

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The Mixed Messages of Stacy McCain

2012-01-15T11:29:00.002-06:00

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While on the road preparing more coverage of this year's Republican Primary campaign, Stacy McCain suffered a terrifying flashback. He spotted a herd of deer near the road as he was speeding along. Recalling the events of September, 2010, Stacy hit the brakes to slow down. (Rumor has it that he also had to change britches at his next stop.)

Here is the result of Stacy's run-in from 2010:

The zoologists in our secret basement laboratory have just completed some research that offers an alternate theory to Stacy's 'Terroristic Attack by Four Hooves' hypothesis. After interviewing thousands of East Coast deer, our researchers discovered that the exact opposite of a terroristic attack on McCain's Kia Optima actually took place.

Here is a photo of Stacy's car in 2010 just before the accident:

Please take note of the Kia's hood ornament. The deer claim they were just trying to help out by hitting Stacy's tip jar!

They are very upset that McCain now calls them terrorists.

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On, Wisconsin!

2012-01-15T07:00:00.000-06:00

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Laura Kaeppeler, now that you've won 2012's Miss America pageant, waddayagonnado now?

"I'm going to the Packer game."

Wisconsin public sector unions immediately petition for recall vote.

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Ship Runs Aground- Over 300,000,000 Passengers Stranded

2012-01-14T16:42:00.001-06:00

The U.S.S. America plunges headlong onto Liberal Reef.

The Captain:

Mercedes-Benz' Newest Promotion

2012-01-13T06:54:00.002-06:00

It Rivals the Merchedes

You'll feel like family!

UPDATE: Daimler AG, the German company that manufactures Mercedes-Benz:

"Never mind!"

That Tebowing Thing...

2012-01-11T21:40:00.002-06:00

Seems to Work for that Untalented Cracker in Denver.

Maybe...

Some say he is not Tebowing, but hiding from The Good Doctor instead.

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Oh, Lord, Won't You Buy Me a Merchedes-Benz....

2012-01-11T15:51:00.003-06:00

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It has been said that one of the most potentially volatile situations is where a hitchhiker is picked up by a person that picks up hitchhikers.

Here's the version for the new millennium:

Perhaps this will help sales of my latest book, The Mercedes Diaries.

I'm going to sell all 3 of our Mercedes and not buy another new one this summer!

(H.T. Bill McGurn.)

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Michelle Angry About Being Considered Angry

2012-01-11T11:04:00.000-06:00

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First Lady Michelle Obama

"That's been an image people have tried to paint of me since the day Barack announced, that I'm some kind of angry black woman."

It's racist. It's sexist. It's angriest.

Rats Protest Occupy D.C.

2012-01-09T20:02:00.002-06:00

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The rats of Washington, D.C. organized a counter protest against the human Occupy Wall Streeters there.

"These humans are ghettoizing our neighborhood, stinking up the place, introducing exotic diseases, and stealin' our fleas," complained one rat mother with 86 babies in tow.

Protesting Rats Pound Away in Drum Circle in Attempt to Drive Away Filthy Human Occupiers

(Contrary to popular rumor the one standing on the upper left IS NOT Paco.)

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Good Goosing the Gander

2012-01-09T10:29:00.000-06:00

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Stilton Jarlsberg:

The Genre of Liberal Politics

2012-01-08T14:55:00.000-06:00

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Political nonsense (or Liberal nonsense politics) is a broad categorization of politics that uses sensical and nonsensical elements to defy language conventions or logical reasoning. Even though the most well-known form of political nonsense is class warfare hokum, the genre is present in many forms of politics.

The effect of nonsense is often caused by an excess of meaning, rather than a lack of it. Nonsense is often humorous in nature, although its humor is derived from its nonsensical nature, as opposed to most humor which is funny because it does make sense.

In Xitsonga, It Roughly Translates to John Depp

2012-01-06T23:21:00.002-06:00

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Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop, that is.

A man who police say legally changed his name to Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop faces weapon and drug charges after he was found drinking and using drugs in the area of Reynolds Park on Madison's Near East Side on Thursday afternoon, Madison police said.

For Mr. Zopittybop-Bop-Bop, it is considered a resume enhancement in Madison as he is considering running against Governor Walker in the recall election.

The #1 Song the Week I Was Born

2012-01-04T20:29:00.000-06:00

Kay Starr

The top song of the week was "Wheel of Fortune." In the video below it is the second song after "It's a Good Day." "Wheel of Fortune" starts at the 2:00 mark.

Suh Acts the Fuh

2012-01-02T09:21:00.001-06:00

Ndamukong Suh sacks Packer Quarterback Matt Flynn during second half of New Year's Day Packer/Lion game in Green Bay:

Suh mocks Packer's Aaron Rodgers with his 'Championship Belt' touchdown move:

(Rodgers wasn't even playing in this game.)

Packers' Jermichael Finley counters Suh with a 'Scoreboard Double Check' move:

Double Check and Double Mate

Season Sweep!

Occupy Rose Parade Float Nears Completion

2011-12-31T01:00:00.000-06:00

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The preparations for the Occupy Float entered in the Tournament of Roses Parade are nearly complete. The float's statement/motto has also been decided.

Why Didn't Sinatra Get a Peace Prize?

2011-12-30T19:43:00.001-06:00

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The House I Live In (1945) by Lost_Shangri_La_Horizon

Oh... he was a smoker. And he called Nazis, Nazis.

(H.T. The Godfather.)

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Kim Jong Il's Funeral Mourner

2011-12-30T01:27:00.000-06:00

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We knew that Kim Jong Il was a fan of Michael Jordan. We also knew that he directed some mad scientific projects. But little did we know how he has combined the two.

Kim Jong Jordan

Newton or Rodgers?

2011-12-29T22:51:00.001-06:00

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In an effort to be the first Green Bay Packer shareholder to be fined by the NFL, The TrogloPundit said some things that would make Mark Cuban blush. One of the statements that I found interesting was:

Aaron Rodgers is ugly.

I decided to do a little fact-checking on this statement. During my research, I contacted a young lady we shall call Ms. Newton. Here's what she had to say:

"I think that both Aaron Rodgers and his twin brother are real purdy."

(Photo from Busted Coverage.)

"I also think that the Burri quadruplets are quite handsome as well."

(H.T. Linkiest.)

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I Smell Roses! Wait... What?

2011-12-29T19:33:00.000-06:00

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Occupy Wall Street is planning on making their point during Pasadena's Rose Bowl Parade.

The Rose Parade has long been a magnet for protesters looking for global attention for their causes and grievances.[...]

But this year, Tournament of Roses organizers and Pasadena police are gearing up for something different as Occupy protesters, fresh from their encampments across the country, plan to converge on Pasadena. Like activists in the past, they are hoping to widen their impact with an estimated domestic TV audience of 50 million people and about 700,000 people along the route.[...]

And Occupy is planning quite a show.

Protesters intend to march with large banners that decry wealth inequality in the United States and to unveil a few colorful "floats" of their own, including...

They believe that this will really cause the American people to support their message!

Little Anthony Wants to Join the Girl Scouts

2011-12-29T16:13:00.001-06:00

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From Daily Mail:

Colorado 7-year-old Bobby Montoya wants what most little girls want: Dolls, My Little Pony figures and to join the Girl Scouts.

But there’s one problem: Bobby's a boy.[...]

But when she tried to sign Bobby up for Girl Scouts, she was rebuffed, and told that they couldn’t let him in because he wasn't a girl.[...]

The Girl Scouts issued a statement to KUSA saying that a worker unfamiliar with the group's policies gave Bobby’s family wrong information. In a statement, the group said: 'If a child identifies as a girl and the child's family presents her as a girl, Girl Scouts of Colorado welcomes her as a Girl Scout.

'In this case, an associate delivering our program was not aware of our approach. She contacted her supervisor, who immediately began working with the family to get the child involved and supported in Girl Scouts. We are accelerating our support systems and training so that we're better able to serve all girls, families and volunteers.'

Social Justice.

And now little Anthony also wants to join the Girl Scouts. He identifies as a girl and his family presents him as a girl:

On my honor, I will try:
To serve Obama and a one world order,
To bash and tax the rich at all times,
And to live by the Occupy Law.

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TrogloBootCamp

2011-12-28T20:06:00.000-06:00

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The TrogloPundit's son joined the Corps today.

My oldest son put his right hand in the air today to become a U.S. Marine. Holy crap, I just fogged up just writing that sentence. What’s it going to be like the day he leaves?

I fogged up pretty bad when we dropped his older sister off at college, too. Y’know, they used to be little. They used to sit in my lap.

Why the Marines?

Well, Mitchell saw what the Army did to his dad, uncle, and great uncle. He also saw what the Navy did to a great uncle and two great-great uncles. And then he saw what the Marines did to his first cousin, twice removed... he received a Silver Star 'For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity in action...'

Little Mitchell... Who'd a'thunk it?

Who You Callin' Old-Fashioned?

2011-12-25T23:07:00.001-06:00

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Larry Kudlow in National Review:

When you think of Republican congressman Paul Ryan, terms like earnest, serious, and important come to mind. So does the term old-fashioned. Ryan comes from an old-fashioned place, the blue-collar town of Janesville, Wisconsin. He cherishes the old-fashioned values of a faithful family man. He even looks old-fashioned, with his white shirts and striped ties. And he uses old-fashioned argument skills, persuasively weaving big-picture themes with the numbers that back them up.

We here in Janesville, Wisconsin, take exception to be called 'Old-fashioned, flyover country hicks.' Many of us wear shoes, have telephones with those fancy push buttons, and no longer have a majority of our diets sustained by road kill. And just because Ryan's old-fashioned argument skills do not include brandishing a handgun...

I'll take my brandy without sugar, bitters, and a citrus twist, thank you.

Grandpa and Isabella

2011-12-25T21:17:00.000-06:00

Isabella and Grandpa up to some sort of shenanigans.

Hottest New T-Shirt Ever

2011-12-25T20:24:00.003-06:00

Very Rare. The only one known to exist.

(Hard to see the Ruger P89 below the helmet.)

Eat your heart out, TrogloPundit!

And Miles to Go Before He Sleeps

2011-12-24T23:52:00.001-06:00

Santa Claus and modern technology.

(Photo taken from Theo Spark.)

By Executive Order, August 4th Declared National Holy Day

2011-12-22T23:06:00.000-06:00

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Signing an executive order today, the President has made August 4th the National Holy Day Obamavus, "The holiday for the Obamunist."

The celebration centers around the Obamavus Pole:

The celebrants dance around the pole writing campaign donation checks and inserting them into the collection box. The larger the check the more caring and compassionate the person is.

Another Obamavus practice is 'The Airing of Grievances.' Each participant is encouraged to speak openly about his or her grievances against the United States, selfish business owners, and Wall Street. The greater the grievances the more caring and compassionate the person is.

After a hearty shared meal of arugula and tofu, the revelers engage in the 'Feats of Strength' ceremony. Each person takes a straw man with a Conservative's name or principle labelling it and beats it senseless for as long as he or she is able. The greater the beating the more caring and compassionate the person is.

Finally, generous gifts of cash are given to the box on the Obamavus pole as the person gives thanks for all the Obamavus miracles that have taken place over the past years.

Transforming America.

The New Chevy Voltsel

2011-12-22T21:07:00.000-06:00

Saw my first Chevy Volt today and snapped a quick pic.

Keynesian Karbonite

2011-12-22T19:44:00.000-06:00

Unusual Weather Phenomenon Explained

2011-12-20T21:01:00.001-06:00

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The good people of Birmingham, Alabama, saw these unusual cloud formations the other day.

Of course, meteorologists tried to give scientific explanations for this phenomenon. But in turning to THE expert on all things climate related, we learn the truth to the matter.

(H.T. Darcprynce.)

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Another Movie Remake?

2011-12-16T23:13:00.002-06:00

Back in 1971 the movie Willard came out.

Then in 2003 the second Willard opened.

They are now working on a third Willard to come out in 2012.

(Not to be construed as an endorsement for the Mitt Romney campaign.)

Fleebagging State Senator Runs for Wisconsin Governor

2011-12-15T22:19:00.000-06:00

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MADISON (WKOW)

-- State Senator Tim Cullen of Janesville says he will run for governor in 2012. But, that's only if the recall petition drive against Governor Scott Walker is successful. [...]

Sen. Cullen believes the effort will succeed and he wants to be the beneficiary of that.

"Every night I'd think about it and I'd watch to see who was going to run and I watched the field be unclear and I finally thought to myself, you know, why not me?", said Sen. Cullen (D-Janesville).

Senator Cullen has done his bi-partisan research earlier this year and the results were very accommodating.

TIM CULLEN FOR GOVERNOR...

OF ILLINOIS

Time Magazine Cover: Before the Final Edit

2011-12-14T20:17:00.000-06:00

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Time magazine covers go through many edits. Often one can tell from the early submissions the true meaning of the main article.

Bubba Bags Boar by Bow

2011-12-12T21:39:00.000-06:00

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One of my old students in Texas just posted this on his Facebook page. That's him on the right... I never taught the one on the left. If I had, he wouldn't be in the picture.

Bacon, bacon, bacon!

Just before he expired, the boar was heard to say, "Bubba, I woulda hada better chance with Chuck Norris."

Class/No Class Warfare

2011-12-11T20:37:00.000-06:00

NFL football divides families.

(Cropped and cleaned from original by S.R. Gray)

Occupy Wall Street

2011-12-11T17:36:00.000-06:00

Self Summary

Obama Gets Car Out of Ditch

2011-12-10T10:11:00.001-06:00

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Real Clear Politics, October 10, 2010, President Obama:

So, Philly, it comes down to this. Many of the Republicans who are running right now, these are the exact same folks who spent the last decade driving our economy into a ditch. And once we were elected, Joe and I, we put on our boots, we went down into that ditch. It was muddy and dusty down there and it was hot. And we started pushing on that car to get it out of the ditch. And we had a whole bunch of folks like Joe Sestak helping us push that car out of the ditch. (Applause.)

And every once in a while, we'd look up at the Republicans. They were -- they had driven into the ditch, but they had gotten out and they were kind of taking a break, fanning themselves and sipping on a Slurpee, watching us do all the work. And every once in a while they'd say, why don't you push harder? You're not pushing the right way, Obama. But they didn't help.

And after pushing and pushing over these last 20 months, finally we've got that car out of the ditch. (Applause.) Now, the car is a little dented up. The fender is a little busted. It needs a tune-up. But it's moving. It's pointing in the right direction. We're on level ground now. We're starting to make repairs. And suddenly we get a tap on our shoulder and we look back and who is it? It's the Republicans. And they say -- what are they saying? -- they say, we want the keys back.

Well, indeed the Republicans refused to help Obama and the Democrats get the car out of the ditch. In spite of all the Conservative partisanship, Obama and the Democrats were able to get the car out of the ditch.

(Photo from Theo Spark.)

And for some reason, the Republicans still want the keys back.

Governor Walker Signs 'Castle Doctrine' into Law

2011-12-07T22:52:00.000-06:00

Gov. Scott Walker has signed a bill that allows homeowners to legally kill intruders.

The bill, nicknamed the "Castle Doctrine," creates a presumption of legal immunity for someone who kills or injures a person breaking into his or her home, vehicle or workplace. The measure requires a judge to presume that the use of deadly force was necessary.

BREAKING: There Will Be a Democratic Presidential Primary

2011-12-07T17:32:00.001-06:00

Here is a sample ballot:

I can't decide.

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Chick Fight!!

2011-12-05T21:50:00.000-06:00

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Carol of Political Clown Parade and Pat of And So it Goes in Shreveport are at it again. There's hair-pullin' and eye-gougin' and lots of face-slappin' a'goin' on down in the deep South. Of course they are fighting over boys. Carol is fighting for the Alabama boys and Pat is scrapping for the L.S.U. boys. On January 9th, these two groups of boys will be deciding the BCS Championship.

Carol is still smarting over the Crimson Tide's November loss at the hands of the L.S.U. Tigers (9 - 6 in overtime) that dropped her beloved Tide down in the national rankings. But after a few fortunate turns of events, they climbed back into the 2nd spot and will again play for the National Championship.

Pat's undefeated Tigers seek to finish in that same manner and hoist the champions' trophy. She writes

So, when the Honey Badger has his way with Big Al and Bama is left wondering what happened to them,...

The Honey Badger to whom she refers is Tyrann Mathieu, one of this year's Heisman Trophy finalists, a sophomore who had 71 tackles, 5 forced fumbles and 2 interceptions this year. He also gained 420 yards and 2 touchdowns in punt returns during LSU's 13-0 season.

The girls will wait for January 9th to find out the score, but I will solve it for them right now.

Alabama over L.S.U.

Ndamukong Suh Makes a Tackle

2011-12-03T20:17:00.000-06:00

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Ndamukong Suh re-establishes roots in Portland, Oregon.

Suh lost control of the 1970 Chevrolet Coupe he was driving, which then hit a curb, light pole, drinking fountain and tree. His vehicle was towed from the scene.

Lots of losing control lately.

Took My Grandchildren to the Ancient History Museum

2011-11-30T22:52:00.002-06:00

And They Let Us Into a Backroom To See Some Upcoming Displays

It's such a good thing that our government is looking out for our welfare... and the planet's.

The Main Reason for the Possible Eurozone Collapse

2011-11-29T19:30:00.001-06:00

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The TrogloPundit makes a bit of light over the sky-is-falling claims of Eurozone collapse. As is common Lance misses the big picture. The European Union blames Switzerland.

What? George W. Bush wasn't available?

So far, only the “parameters and criteria” for dialogue have been discussed. The EU sees its Code of Conduct as a way of identifying and eradicating “harmful tax practices”. [...]

According to the Swiss News Agency, diplomats of EU member states hinted that retaliation measures were possible if Switzerland did not step up the process. [...]

Switzerland maintains that it is not bound by the Code of Conduct rules as it is not a member of the EU.

(H.T. Bojidar Marinov.)

Planned Parenthood- Rhetoric and Reality

2011-11-28T23:13:00.001-06:00

A Tale of Two Pities

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1) From the Paly Voice: Palo Alto High School's Hub for Student Publications, by Grace Harris (presumably a student there).

Denial of Planned Parenthood funds to yield negative effects

Excerpts:

On February 18, the House of Representatives passed an amendment that would eliminate all federal funding to Planned Parenthood Federation of America, an organization devoted to providing reproductive health care to any and all who need it.[...]

For many Americans, especially those living in poorer areas, Planned Parenthood is the only place where women, men and young adults can find affordable health care. In a time when millions of Americans live in poverty and the unemployment rate is almost ten percent, it is disgusting that Congressmen and women are spending their time destroying an organization whose only goal is to provide safe, affordable health care.

2) A young University of Houston student, not yet married, without health insurance, and fearing that she is pregnant:

Planned Parenthood to Pregnant Woman: Can’t Help You w/o Abortion

Excerpts:

Away from home, she called her parents, afraid. Uninsured–and a victim of lie that Planned Parenthood is there to help people like them–her parents sent her to Planned Parenthood to get help,[...]
The same day I called them and told them that I had a blood test and it confirmed pregnancy, and I needed to see if I could see a doctor about prenatal care and what I could and couldn’t do, and what would keep the baby healthy. They then told me that unless I had a sexually transmitted disease or wanted an abortion that they could no longer help me. I said so y’all do not help pregnant women? They told me no that they didn’t have doctors for pregnant women.

Addison is a student at the University of Houston, which is very close to the Planned Parenthood “abortion supercenter” on the Gulf Freeway in Houston. In fact, we took a Bound4LIFE focused Call there in January 2010 to pray and rally against the late-term abortion center being placed right in the center of a minority neighborhood near two universities. Resembling a cash register, the abortion supercenter has a whole floor devoted to surgical abortions, which include late term abortions, yet it masks itself as a women’s health center, which is how Addison ended up there.

(H.T. Larry Sheldon.)

Paul Ryan- Just a Policy Wonk

2011-11-23T19:09:00.002-06:00

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Paul Ryan is pretty good with numbers and such.

Windage and elevation...

(Stolen from Paul Ryan).

Smitty claims Ryan is trying to lessen Wisconsin's carbon footprint.

A Tenth of a Ton of Crap

2011-11-22T20:49:00.000-06:00

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From the MercuryNews.com:

SANTA CRUZ- [...] At least one incident on the county list wasn't noted by the Sheriff's Office: the discovery of an estimated 200 pounds of human feces near the county Veterans Memorial Building, just across the Water Street bridge from the camp.

The county called in a hazardous materials team to clean up the mess, and installed a security fence around the building, which is closed for renovations. There is no evidence that linked the excrement to the camp.

"No bathrooms around, one average sized dump. What's the big deal?"

Obama Gump Shrimp Company

2011-11-22T12:23:00.000-06:00

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Many years ago the Federal Government took upon itself to create a safety net to help the truly needy. A primary criticism arose that too many of the needy were falling through the cracks of the netting.

After many improvements in the netting's mesh, the net was able to catch everything in its path, including those that did not need or want the 'help' and oversight of the federal government.

Unfortunately, criticism arose claiming that being trapped in the nets was cramping the style of favored individuals or groups.

So the Federal Government mandated the installation of Turtle Excluder Devices in its nets.

Now the new and improved nets trap all that it can find in its path and the favored groups can escape through the excluder devices.

Therefore, Solyndra, Fast and Furious, the Black Panthers, et al., are bailed out of the Federal Government safety net while all the regular shrimp remain trapped in the nets to be processed and sold to the highest bidder.

New Jersey Parents' Newborn Taken Away by State

2011-11-22T11:48:00.001-06:00

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YAHOO! News:

Heath and Deborah Campbell, the New Jersey parents of three children with Nazi-inspired names, lost custody of their fourth child 17 hours after he was born, the Express-Times of Lehigh Valley, Pa., reported. [...]

The Campbell family stepped into the spotlight in December 2008 when a ShopRite grovery store declined to decorate a birthday cake for their son Adolf Hitler Campbell’s third birthday.

The state took custody of Adolf, along with his sisters JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Himler Jeannie Campbell, in January of 2009. The three children have remained in foster care ever since.

Meanwhile, in California, Edgar and Judith Schwartz remain on death row for naming their children George W. Bush, Sarah Palin, and Scott Walker.

(H.T. Chris Wysocki.)

During Obama's Presidency, America is Highly Esteemed in the World Again

2011-11-22T09:45:00.004-06:00

Is This the Russian Rush Limbaugh?

During a newscast, Russian reporter Tatiana Limanova...

"(Stuff spoken in Russian), Barack Obama, (more Russian stuff...)"

I think Tatiana was just scratching her itchy nose.

Conclusion: These days, the Russian Saturday Evening News is much funnier that America's Saturday Night Live. C'mon, America, it's the Sputnik moment all over again.

Nancy Pelosi- The Missing Link

2011-11-19T18:54:00.004-06:00

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While being interviewed in her lab's office, leading Anthropologist Nancy Pelosi exclaimed, "Eureka,"

"...this is a missing link."

This is great news for those adhering to macro-evolutionary theory. Up until now they had long been embarrassed by the lack of fossilized transition forms and the 'missing link.'

WARNING: NSFW OR ANYTHING FOR THAT MATTER.

REMEMBER: YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

I AIN'T KIDDIN'!

REALLY!

Here's the proof:

Now that you are suffering with great agony, I would like to introduce a pair of brand new products from our secret basement laboratory that you will find tremendously helpful in times like these:

1) Grandpa Steve's Emergency Eye Wash: A rapid acting product guaranteed to instantly relieve those burning, watery eyes.

2) Grandpa Steve's Primary Visual Cortex Brain Bleach, a topical ointment. Simply rub this cream on the back of your head and it becomes absorbed into the skin, through the skull, and into the primary visual cortex where it seeks out and disrupts the neurons that carry the offensive picture. The memory is erased from your consciousness altogether.

Both products are available in sizes handy for ready use near your desktop computer as well as in cases easily carried along with your laptop and even your mobile device.

The cost may be steep, but salvaging your eyes and long term memory are worth every penny.

(H.T. Lonely Conservative.)

Lance tried to warn you.

Fred didn't even bother.

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Faster Than a Speeding Neutrino

2011-11-18T20:56:00.000-06:00

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After an experiment gave data suggesting that neutrinos travel faster than the speed of light last September, the physicists at CERN ran the experiment a second time:

Scientists from Cern, the Swiss home of the Large Hadron Collider, sent another beam of subatomic particles over 450 miles to a laboratory in Gran Sasso in the Italian Alps.

And after running the modified follow-up test 20 times, they recorded exactly the same results as before.

The science is not settled by consensus, however. There are many more tests that need to be done to verify the conclusions from these results.

One unusual observation in this second experiment is that in all cases Jimmy John's sandwich delivery drivers even beat the neutrinos.

One further question as to the quality of these results is concern over environmental conditions that may have skewed the data. After all, what self-respecting light wave would be in any hurry to leave Switzerland to get into Italy? And neutrinos are well known to have little discerning taste.

ObamaCare Innovation

2011-11-08T10:50:00.001-06:00

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Some say that ObamaCare interventions and regulations will stifle medical progress and new developments. I say, "Ha!" Already at least one technical advancement has been introduced.

Bend over and take your medicine, America!

I Think I Was Just Sexually Harassed... Or Something

2011-11-01T21:33:00.001-05:00

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He made physical gestures that were not overtly sexual but that made all of us who experienced or witnessed them uncomfortable and we regarded them as improper in a professional relationship.

Does anybody know how to contact Politico?

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"A Whole Lotta These Goin' Through Here Today"

2011-11-01T14:06:00.001-05:00

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Not being sure whether my letter to be mailed weighed more than a single first class stamp would cover, I slipped the envelope across the counter to the postal employee to check.

"A whole lotta these goin' through here today," he said.

"I bet," I replied. It was not yet even noon.

What could have given it away? Perhaps it was the 'ATTN: Firearms Unit' written within the address.

Today is the first day the State of Wisconsin is accepting applications for concealed carry firearms permits.

I wonder how long it will take the bureaucracy to process my application and return my permit.

UPDATE: The DOJ reports that more than 80,000 applications were downloaded by 11AM this morning.

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Trouble in the Smitty Household?

2011-10-29T16:50:00.002-05:00

Is the littlest blogger going to give his dad a run for his money?

The Department of the Navy's investigation is underway.

For Those of You Who Think Democrats and Republicans Are Equally Crappy

2011-10-27T13:35:00.000-05:00

Medical Practice Shows an Important Difference

For patients with chronic Clostridium difficile G.I. infections, fecal transplants have proven effective in healing the culture.

Shame! Shame! Shame! It's Working.

2011-10-26T19:03:00.000-05:00

Recall Walker!

We want a return to billions in deficit, higher taxes, and to laying off thousands of public employees!

From It's Working!

I Answer the President's Call

2011-10-20T21:14:00.001-05:00

ART WORKS: A Poster Contest to Support American Jobs

Call for Submissions:
The Obama campaign is seeking poster submissions from artists and designers across the country to convey why we support President Obama's plan to create jobs now, and why we'll re-elect him to continue fighting for jobs for the next four years. You can make your poster about that broad theme, or focus on a specific aspect: why we've got to rebuild and modernize our roads and bridges, help veterans find work once they've returned home from service, support the small businesses that are the engine of our economy, make sure teachers can stay in their classrooms, and so on.

The posters should include the words from one of the suggested slogans below or visually interpret the concepts they represent.

The campaign will choose 12 finalists once the submission period closes on November 4, 2011, then put the finalists to a vote.

Finalists will be chosen based on the following criteria:
•Adherence to stated theme: Why you support President Obama's plan to create jobs now and his re-election campaign to continue fighting for jobs for the next four years.
•Appropriateness of tone: Conveying determination and strength
•Creativity and aesthetics
•Quality of workmanship

Three winners will get a framed print of their poster signed by President Obama and a limited edition of their poster will be sold in the campaign store with proceeds benefiting the campaign.

Here is my submission:

(H.T. The Lonely Conservative via The Daily Caller.)

Occupy!

2011-10-18T19:44:00.001-05:00

Zee Plane! Zee Plane!

2011-10-18T18:17:00.000-05:00

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63 year old Jane Doe (name not released as of yet) was driving down South 12th Street in the quiet Wisconsin village named Watertown. It was early afternoon and the traffic was light. Ms. Doe checked her rear view mirror... and quickly checked it again:

A single engine Piper aircraft was not only tailgating... but gaining... fast!

Ms. Doe was unhurt. The pilot and passenger were also unhurt.

Just a regular October afternoon in sleepy little Watertown.

Halloween Costume Preview

2011-10-17T22:31:00.000-05:00

Hunter Coulda Been a Contenda!

Adam chose not to dress up this evening.

"Get that wooden stake away from me!"

Izzy... or should I say Barbie?

The Sour Grapes of Wrath

2011-10-16T01:46:00.000-05:00

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Back in the 1940's when Stalin showed the film Grapes of Wrath to the Soviet people as proof of the evils of capitalism, his attempt at propaganda failed. The Soviet people where most of all struck that even the poor in America had vehicles.

Oleg Atbashian, the proprietor of The People's Cube and former resident of the U.S.S.R. has developed six contradictions of Socialist American thought that can well be applied to the Wall Street Occupation.

1) America is capitalist and greedy yet half of the population is subsidized.

2) Half of the population is subsidized yet they think they are victims.

3) They think they are victims yet their representatives run the government.

4) Their representatives run the government yet the poor keep getting poorer.

5) The poor keep getting poorer yet they have things that people in other countries can only dream about.

6) They have things that people in other countries can only dream about yet they want America to be more like those other countries.

Do We Need Another Hoover?

2011-10-15T22:28:00.000-05:00

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"How many times to I gotta tell ya, Linda? Pick up the big stuff off of the floor before you vacuum!"

Uganda- No More Blood for...

2011-10-15T16:24:00.000-05:00

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You will remember that during both Persian Gulf wars, protesters denounced them as 'Blood for Oil' since the Gulf region is oil rich and both George Bush (41) and Bush (43) were involved in the oil business in their pasts.

Now we have gotten involved militarily in Uganda so I expect the protesters' signs will change only slightly in that Uganda is a poverty rich region and Barack Obama was in the community organizer business in his past.

Mr. Obamachev, Tear Down This Wall

2011-10-14T08:43:00.000-05:00

Jesse Jackson, Jr.: "Mr. President, to deal with this jobs crisis you must suspend the Constitution and use your extra-constitutional super powers."

President Obama: "Uhhh... constitution?"

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Obama Administration Responds to Iranian Assassination Attempt

2011-10-12T22:15:00.000-05:00

Decisively

Mt. Rushmore Is So High That You Can Even See the Back From Canada

2011-10-11T22:40:00.001-05:00

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That is something I did not know, but here a telescopic photo taken from a hilltop near Regina, Saskatchewan:

UPDATE: We have been contacted by a group of geologists and geographers from South Dakota. They told us that the entire Mt. Rushmore landform is actually two geographic features together. The front is still termed Mt. Rushmore while the back is more accurately termed Seymour Butte.

The Proverbial Mountain Biker as U.S. Economy Analogy

2011-10-10T22:07:00.000-05:00

And Obama/Democrats as Red Hartebeest

John Donnelly's Gold

2011-10-08T11:21:00.000-05:00

A Novel by Brian J. Noggle

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Four twenty-somethings, talented, but immature, are washed out during corporate downsizing. Their dreams go down the drain with it. Instead of participating in an Occupy St. Louis protest, they decide to directly seek revenge on their boss and his most prized possession.

He froze, keys half sorted in his hand, when he heard a sudden arrhythmic ticking.

"What's that?" he said.

"It came from this closet," Kevin said. He'd heard it, too, like water dripping. Perhaps John Donnelly had left something leaking in the closet, or exposed water pipes were condensing, or something. He opened the door.

"Don't open that!" Robert said, and it was too late.

Kevin saw it wasn't a closet, but the basement steps; they went down to the right. The ticking increased as the light chased the shadows from the top of the stairs. A low growl started, and Kevin leapt backwards from the doorway, brushing the island and jamming steel into his back. Kevin wrapped his hands around the butt of the pistol and regained his balance even as the snarling dog reached the top step and turned on him.

He pointed the gun at the white blur as it reached his feet and pawed and gnashed at his ankles...

Kevin pulled the trigger...

"Good work. You have successfully killed the savage Bichon Frise, ..."

"You shot John Donnelly's dog in the middle of John Donnelly's kitchen."

PETA has been notified and should be showing up at Brian J. Noggle's door any time now.

John Donnelly's Gold is Mr. Noggle's first novel. It was a very enjoyable read and gives some interesting observations into the human nature of today's twenty-somethings.

Thank you, Brian.

(John Donnelly's Gold)

Unfortunately, One Protester Was a Mathematician

2011-10-06T22:05:00.000-05:00

Neighborhood Window Sign Battle

2011-10-06T12:55:00.001-05:00

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I placed this small sign in the back window of my truck:

'Recall all you want- We'll re-elect Walker'

This morning I found this covering it:

So I fixed it!

Progressivism- A Religion of Peace

2011-10-06T10:16:00.001-05:00

It's Time to Roseanne the Wealthy

“It’s time to tax the millionaires!” reads the email, according to WTEN in Albany. “If you don’t, I’m going to pay a visit with my carbine to one of those tech companies you are so proud of and shoot every spoiled Ivy League [expletive] I can find.”[...]

“How hard is it for us to stake out one of the obvious access roads to some tech company, tail an employee home and toss a liquor bottle full of flaming gasoline through their nice picture window into their cute house,”

UPDATE: Fast and Furious Arms Bears Fans.

(H.T. The Lonely Conservative.)

Visiting Walmart

2011-10-04T21:35:00.000-05:00

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Michelle Obama's secret visit to Target the other day received a lot of attention.

You see, the President and the First Lady are just like us and not at all elitist. I get the feeling, however, that the President's polling didn't show any bump in popularity for the White House couple.

I visited Walmart the other day and...

I'm not sure but, judging from the style and overall appearance...

Paul Ryan Interview on Uncommon Knowledge, Part 1

2011-10-03T11:39:00.000-05:00

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Here. The following 4 sessions will be released during the rest of the week.

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Barncat Jones

2011-10-03T10:07:00.003-05:00

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Barncat Jones... Why this name?

When I was little, Momma made me sleep in the barn because my socks smelled so bad. That's where the "barn" part came from. The "cat" part is based on ... well, something very sad in my background. Before Daddy got into the moonshine business, our family was poor. So poor that we couldn't even afford a bathroom or outhouse. The whole family had to use a litter box. So all the kids at school laughed and called me "Barncat." That is, until I got kicked out of school for threatening to kill them all.

Do you play live?

No, no, I don't play any gigs. The authorities don't let me out of the house with the ankle bracelet on.

And don't miss 'Barack Obama Voters, in their own Words.'

(H.T. BigFurHat.)

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Wisconsin- 110, Arizona+Colorado+Nebraska- 45

2011-10-02T19:49:00.000-05:00

Brewers 4, Arizona 1

Brewers 9, Arizona 4

Badgers 48, Nebraska 17

Packers 49, Broncos 23

...But Doesn't Cling to Her Guns and Religion

2011-09-30T20:07:00.000-05:00

This is just too funny not to repost:

(Taken from If Only She Has Applied Herself)

President Foments International Incident

2011-09-30T08:20:00.000-05:00

A short time ago this photo of President Obama's wave covering the face of a Mongolian dignitary caused a lot of discussion in these parts.

However, in the nation of Mongolia, the reactions were far more serious.

(Photo credit: Khuvisgalt Khereid)

Rebuking the Modern American Gospel

2011-09-28T16:09:00.000-05:00

What North Carolina Governor Bev Perdue Really Meant

2011-09-28T14:51:00.000-05:00

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A lot of fisking and tsk-tsking going on over the internets about North Carolina Governor Bev Perdue's statements to a Rotary Club meeting the other day.

"I think we ought to suspend, perhaps, elections for Congress for two years and just tell them we won't hold it against them, whatever decisions they make, to just let them help this country recover. I really hope that someone can agree with me on that," Perdue said. "You want people who don't worry about the next election."

All this indignation is quite misplaced, however. Governor Perdue was just telling a joke. Here's what she really is angling toward:

"I think President Obama ought to disband, perhaps, Congress for two years and confer with his own Administration's advisers, cabinet, czars, Warren Buffett, and other crony capitalist millionaires/billionaires. We will just tell them we won't hold it against them, whatever decisions they make, to just let them help this country recover. I really hope that someone can agree with me on that," Perdue said. "You want people who don't worry about the next election."

Now, isn't that more reasonable?

Stop Funding Reproductive Rights

2011-09-28T10:29:00.000-05:00

Mission Accomplished

2011-09-27T19:27:00.000-05:00

Either the World's Youngest Blogger has been deployed to Afghanistan or Smitty is home!

Welcome home, Smitty, and thank you!

Controversial Wisconsin Billboard

2011-09-27T15:05:00.000-05:00

Despite all of the criticism, I like it.

Hallsnark - When You Care Enough to Give Your Very, Very Best

2011-09-26T23:52:00.000-05:00

If It Ain't Hallsnark... It's CRAP!

Like our rivals, we are introducing a line of greeting cards to comfort those who have lost their jobs to Obamanomics.

Another Great Wisconsin Sports Weekend

2011-09-25T20:24:00.001-05:00

(Maribeth Kranz)

Danica Patrick a Bears Fan

2011-09-25T18:06:00.002-05:00

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I just saw a quick shot during the Packer/Bear game of Danica Patrick wearing a Bear hat. I found no picture to add, but I did take a screen shot of The Chicago Bears Situational Updates":

I also just tried to call The TrogloPundit to deliver him the news, but there was no answer. I hope he didn't have to make a dash to the emergency room for apoplexy. Rooting for the Steelers in the Super Bowl was bad enough, but being a Bears fan is truly the final straw.

Isabella asks, "So, you're a Bear fan, eh?":

The Type of Science that Started the Global Warming Hoax

2011-09-24T22:31:00.000-05:00

Modern-Modern Science

Article title: Female promiscuity may be nature's way of dealing with inbreeding, research claims

First picture in article:

Some key conclusions:

Prof Matthew Gage said: “By generating inbred populations, we were able to create real risks of high genetic incompatibility between reproducing males and females, and expose the mechanisms that females possess to promote fertilization by the most compatible males and their sperm.

'These exciting results show how this common but paradoxical mating pattern can evolve if females use it to avoid reproducing with genetically incompatible males.

'Exactly how females filter the most compatible sperm is not yet understood. They might simply mate more frequently, and allow the ‘best sperm to win’, which would work if winning sperm are from males who have themselves avoided inbreeding depression.

'Or they might choose to mate most with the less related males, perhaps using olfactory cues, thereby concentrating their sperm stores from those males.

Test subjects from which conclusions were drawn:

Who performed this research?

Academics from the University of East Anglia...

Uhhh, could we check your emails, please?

And likely as not, the research was legitimate while the method of reporting in the science section sucked.

(H.T. Insty.)

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The New Made for TV Series: Obama, The Pied Piper of the Henhouse

2011-09-22T21:34:00.000-05:00

Episode 1: The Night the Chickens Came Home

(The series is expected to be cancelled after one season.)

Preview of Rangel Tribute Portrait

2011-09-22T10:53:00.000-05:00

Portrait to be Unveiled Today in House Ceremony

On Thursday, House leaders will pay tribute to Rep. Charles Rangel (D-N.Y.), less than a year after the House formally censured the former chairman of the Ways and Means Committee.

Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) will speak at a ceremony to unveil Rangel’s official portrait as chairman of the storied committee, which the longtime New York Democrat led from 2007 until March 2010, when party leaders pressured him to give up the post amid a growing ethics scandal.

I've been told that my $64,000 check is in the mail.

(H.T. Jim Hoft.)

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The Obama Wave

2011-09-22T00:19:00.005-05:00

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There has been a lot of commentary concerning President Obama's Wave picture from the U.N. In it his waving hand covers the face of another dignitary.

Make of it what you will.

Lance asks a a series of interesting questions.

So they publicly release a picture with the President waving his hand in front of that other guy’s face?

Why? Are you telling me they only took one picture? In this day and age? They didn’t have any other versions that don’t make the president look insensitive, clueless, and rude?

On MSNBC?

Well, as usual, I have the answer.

Here's the second best photo taken:

"Ok, who farted?"

"Don't look at me. That sulfur smell is Bush's fault."

Husker Du?
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More Waiver Favors for Rich Liberals?

2011-09-20T19:57:00.000-05:00

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Just as HHS gave waivers to thousands from the requirements of ObamaCare, Senator Chuck Schumer seems to be calling for waivers to friends for ObamaTaxtheRich.

“$250,000 makes you really rich in Mississippi but it doesn’t make you rich at all in New York and there ought to be some kind of scale based on the cost of living on how much you pay,” Schumer said.

(H.T. Ed Driscoll.)

A Study in TrogloPology, Evolution, Etymology, and Lots of Spin

2011-09-20T14:29:00.006-05:00

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As the younger generation grows up and experiences new things, they often are confronted by uncomfortable and confusing truths from which the older has been trying to shield them. Now is one of such times.

The young TrogloPundit has just discovered one of those inconvenient truths of which I hid from him for many years- a troglodyte is one of a family of cute little songbirds. The macho caveman has been reduced to a fluffy bug-eating ball of feathers. How could he possibly regain any self-esteem before becoming Purina Cat Chow?

Interestingly enough, the modern word 'spin,' that means to paint a rosy picture in the midst of sewage, is derived from early human troglodytic language. Spin comes from the Troglodytic word '#@!&*#.' One day Trog was sitting around a small pile of sticks, dry leaves, and grass. Mrs. Trog began nagging him for the umpteenth time about the saber-toothed tiger that was terrorizing the troglohood. Trog picked up a small stick, began spinning it between his palms, and quietly uttered #@!&#. The stick's friction started the dry tinder on fire, Mrs. Trog stopped her nagging, and, thus, the modern meaning of 'spin' began.

And the spin continues. After a long, involved study of the evolution of modern troglodytes, the TrogloPologists in our secret basement laboratory have discovered many interesting facts concerning our present day cute little warbler.

A member of the modern Troglodyte family:

A member of the Troglodyte family 352,639,012 years ago:

A member of the family 683,093,109 years ago attacking his favorite food, the Tyrantosaurus PseudoRex:

Now that's a pretty macho grandpappy and will return some pride to the Trog's backbone!

Human TrogloPundit evolution had a similar, but much more rapid advance.

The TrogloPundit family circa last Tuesday:

The TrogloPundit family after a trip to the local Super Walmart:

It's settled science.

Often times rigorous scientific research accidentally discovers other truths, as the preceding study clearly does. It shows the clear evolutionary blogging kinship between The TrogloPundit and Mr. Pterodactyl.

Is Obama Clinically Depressed?

2011-09-17T00:14:00.000-05:00

Or Just Suffering from Low Testosterone? (Low T)

Today Rush Limbaugh was having some fun with an item on Gawker.com. (no link)

It seems that Gawker heard that the New York Times was preparing a story about President Obama suffering from clinical depression that they had heard from somebody else who had talked to someone else whose cousin knew somebody that had a friend that claimed that POTUS suffered with the condition.

If there is any truth to this claim, I would tend to think that the fundamental problem is Low T.

Rockin' Mom jeans and styling a pitch like a Sally:

There are three types of Low T with which we must concern ourselves.

- There's the Low T that has seen a lot of advertisement lately:

There's a drug or snake oil formula for that.

- The second type of Low T causes many to feel depressed:

Tiger must suffer from this type of Low T, and President Obama may as well. Taking up bowling may assuage this suffering.

- The third known type of Low T is quite common and has also been called Low T T.

There is no known cure for this type of Low T T.

Danica Patrick Moves to NASCAR

2011-09-15T23:05:00.001-05:00

But the Smart Money Says She Had Better Watch Her Back

Some say a younger driver is out to get you!

Isabella has learned the art of the bump draft!

And she's quite appealing as well.