That's the Ticket!

Take that, Paris Hilton!

Human Nature & Denial

This'll preach...

Baby Blues- Rick Kirkman/Jerry Scott

Palin Had Options

It is rumored that if Governor Palin hadn't been selected by John McCain as VP running mate, she would have opted to run for President as a Barbarian Party candidate.

Let the grog flow!

Is is just a coincidence that the Republican National Convention is in Minnesota this year?

(Photo stolen from American Thinker.)

Babararacucudada!*

Live-blogging Dayton; Either fish or cut bait.


*Pronunciation of (Plymouth) Barracuda in a 1966 commercial.

A Suggestion for McCain's V.P. Choice

Andrew Langer argues for John McCain to select Michael Steele of Maryland.

I'm not quite sure what to think of that, but, McCain/Steele 2008; What a yard sign!

UPDATE:

McCain/Sarah Barracuda 2008... ain't bad either.

Democrat Convention One-Liners

Mark Hemmingway: "Barack Obama — because he’s better than the other guy” would prove to be an especially compelling campaign slogan."

That sums up why I'm voting for John McCain, too!

Jim Geraghty: "...undecided voters at home may have wondered why the podium had been hijacked by an aspiring comedian in a bolo tie."

'Cause Al Franken ain't funny!

Kathryn Jean Lopez: "Rest assured, guys. You’re still good for something. Some of you are bringing sexy back. At the Unconventional Women event, Dem Minnesota senator Amy Klobuchar shared a personal story. One day, she saw her husband walking with a pink box. What was he doing? “I’m going to Jim Webb’s wife’s baby shower.” Sen. Klobuchar gushed to the gathered gals: “That’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

He did that at Rielle Hunter's baby shower, too!

Medved Points Out Major Incongruity

Michael Medved takes to task all the Democrat speakers such as Michelle Obama and Joe Biden who boast in their hard work from rags to riches.

By implication, these smug and preening politicians suggested that we’re brilliant and strong and special enough to make it to the top without government help, but most of the mere mortals who are watching us on TV will get nowhere at all unless we somehow use taxpayer money to assist them.

Impressions

Barack Has Hung the Moon in Denver


Voters Registered by ACORN


Maybe Bigfoot Was Fake, But...


Save a Polar Bear, Wipe Out My Family


I Gotta Try to Stay Awake For These Speeches!


Barack and Hillary Bump and Spill Their Coffees


Thanksgiving is Just a Couple of Months Away, My Sweet

The Dawning of the Change of Obamius

J.R. Dunn suggests a remake of "The Life of Brian", to be titled "The Life of Barry." We here at Grandpa John's also have been creatively working on a remake of "Hair" to be titled "Bar." (Pronounced as bear)

THE CHANGE OF OBAMIUS

When the moonbats are in the Hundred-eleventh Congress House
and Pelosi and Reid align with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars

This is the dawning of the change of Obamius
The change of Obamius
Obamius! Obamius!

Harmony and understanding
Sympathy and hope abounding
No more Bush lies or derisions
Multicultural dreams of visions
Mystic crystal revelation
And Diversity's true liberation
Obamius! Obamius!

Tingles up our legs through the night
We dance on Bush's grave unto the dawn of day
To be the bearers of His water
His light will lead the way

We are the spirit of the change of Obamius
The change of Obamius
Obamius! Obamius!

Harmony and understanding
Sympathy and trust abounding
Angelic illumination
Rising fiery constellation
Travelling our starry courses
Guided by the cosmic forces
Oh, care for us; Obamius

(With apologies to James Rado, Gerome Ragni and Galt MacDermot, and The Fifth Dimension.)

Ho-Hum... another Grandpa John's mega-hit.

Testing, testing, testing...

So I bought a Flip Ultra camcorder to take with me to the GOP convention - y'know, something relatively cheap that got good enough reviews for me to not feel like an idiot for having bought it.

So far, so good. My first edited video:



I'm editing with an online editor called Jumpcut.com. Free - the perfect price!

How does LBTV grab everybody?

I've Been Texted!

There has been a lot of speculation about Obama's VP choice whizzing through the urinals recently, but I saw this bumper sticker near Kenosha this evening:



Congratulations, Grandpa John!... er... It could be Todd, he's strong on security... er... maybe Lance to show that he can reach across the aisle and unify our country.

Either way, a bold choice.

A Tune-up and Check the Tire Pressure, Please

I gotta give a thumbs up to Barack Obama for following his own advice. To save the planet and solve America's energy crisis, Senator Obama brought his bus down to Ernie's Garage and Waffle House to get an engine tune-up and make sure that the tires were properly inflated. Ernie does great work and in a very short time had the bus purring like a kitten with tires dyno-inflated and analyzed. That bus was now ready to put Dale Jarrett's UPS truck in his rear view mirror around any NASCAR track. Sunday! Sunday!

What Barack didn't know, however, was that Ernie also had a part-time job on the side. Ernie's second cousin, once removed, is none other than Karl Rove. Yes, indeed, Barack's mechanic was not properly vetted. Ernie had placed a bug in a most intimate place; along the oil pan under the bus.

In recent days, though, Barack's Presidential coronation hasn't proceeded as smoothly as his wheels. He was quite disconcerted. How could American voters not recognize his salvific anointing?

One evening, ironically just as the sun was setting, Barack slipped unnoticed out of the bus and slid underneath to seek counsel from his spiritual mentor.

Karl Rove sent me the transcript.

"Yo, yo, O Holy Prophet, I don't understand how it could be that the messiah is facing so much rejection from the infidels. Does the Bible have anything to say about that? I know from your teachings that the whole Bible is about Black Liberation Theology, the evils of American chickens coming home to roost, and that pap about doing stuff for the least of these, but does it say anything about the messiah's rise to leadership?"

"I don't think so, Grasshopper, but let's actually look and see what it might have to say. Hmmm, I've never seen this before. It says that the messiah will be despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and familiar with grief."

"Well that certainly has become true! So I must be on the right track."

"It says here that the messiah's father has forsaken him."

"Yeah, yeah, that's happened to me. I surely am the one!"

"Here it talks about the messiah being betrayed by someone close to him."

"You mean he's not under the bus yet?"

"It also talks about the crowd screaming."

"Oooh, that sounds cool!"

"Uh, they're yelling to crucify him!"

"Ummm..."

"Here some soldiers put a crown of thorns on his head, spit on him, and slug him until he is barely recognizable."

"What the...?"

"Then he is crucified, speared, and is buried."

"When does he become their political leader??"

"Well, the messiah does rise from the grave, ascends into heaven, and promises to come back."

"Finally!"

"Well, actually, the world has been waiting over 2,000 years for that to be fulfilled. Except, I think, he visited the Jehovah's Witnesses."

"Ya mean I won't become President 'til at least the year 4008?"

"It appears so, Obamessiah, and you'll be hanging out with the JW's 'til then. Apparently, people can just believe in you, vote for McCain, and still be saved."

"Well, at least I gots the Jehovah's Witnesses vote!"

"They don't vote."

"God is racist!"

"I don't know about that, but I'm sure glad I'm off YOUR bus!"

Mr. Rove also sent along his recommendations for Ernie. He was amazed that he could place that bug undetected under that bus among so many possible witnesses. Karl is lobbying John McCain of the wisdom of appointing Cousin Ernie as his White House Chief of Staff.

(Dr. Sanity has more.)

Within the Cone of Silence

Here is the conclusion of IMAO's take of the Saddleback 'debate':

[In the cone of silence during Warren's questions to Barack] "Bah!" McCain shouted. "I'm the master of evil! Don't question my methods! We should just feel lucky those meddling Kos Kids haven't found out that I was never a POW and spent the Vietnam War at the North Pole punching baby seals in the face."

McCain watched as Obama stammered in response to more questions. "So, what did you guys do to him to make him look so stupid?"

"We didn't do anything."

"Hmm. Maybe we're putting too much effort into this."

Hyper-feminists and Metrosexuals Rolling in Metaphorical Graves

After a gold medal performance, the interviews with Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh set feminism back 75 years. May-Treanor and Walsh not only gave a positive shout out to President Bush, but they both also expressed their desire to have babies.

In Leftist terms, that matches the performance of of Kobe Bryant who demonstrated great appreciation for the United States.

In support, NBC has vowed to drop future televising interviews of American competitors.

I'mazone.con

Before the publishing of Barack Obama's book, Dreams from my Father, in 2004, George Obama had a title by a similar name published:



Highlight:

"My fahdah often spoke of his dreams before tucking straw around us in our beds. He would tell us that someday he envisioned himself having 6 wives, 12 goats, and a large herd of chickens. I was inspired to dream of that myself."

What others have said:

-"I was engrossed out."

-"Oh, wow, man, they must have some primo weed in Kenya."

-"Diverse, multicultural genius."

-"Obama/Obama 2008!"

-"Dude!"

-"Hey, this book is so good that it may outsell Nancy Pelosi's."

The Big Fix

Hi, I'm T. Bone Pickens. I've been using energy all mah life.

Our country is in crisis; a crisis of energy. Presently we get much of our oil from Mexico and Canada. In return, Mexico illegally sends a flood of immigrants. Canada is returning a flood of unconscious war objectors and refusing to take Hollywood dissidents.

We must do something and do it now. I propose a series of offshore wells equipped with wind turbines, solar cells, and substructure atomic power plants. While drilling and using atomic power, we can also produce electricity with the wind turbines during the hundreds of man-made global warming hurricanes. On the excruciatingly hot sunny days we can produce electricity with the solar panels.

But we must begin now. Please send your checks to Steve Burri, c/o Grandpa John's and we will show those Mexicans and Canadians.

Democrat Party Poopers

Bruce Walker outlines the paradigm shift that took place within the Democrat Party to transform it from the Party of Harry Truman, Scoop Jackson, and JFK into the Leftism that it expounds today. The short article is titled Forty Years after the Death of a Party and posted on American Thinker.

The principle reason was that a sated generation deprived of God thrashed about for purpose and, finding none, embraced the nihilism of Marxism and loathed the hopeful life that America had given to so many peoples from so many lands. My wife's parents, Holocaust survivors, loved America for the manifest goodness that it was. They understood totalitarianism and then they understood America. Life taught them the nature of good and of evil.

Sated... rejecting God and authority... rebellion and nihilism in a purposeless universe... quest for power. This has become the backbone, the platform of the modern Democrat Party.

Pistol Packin' Great Grandma

Ok, ok... it was a revolver, but this is must see TV. Take a look at the article's accompanying video.

(H.T. FARK.com.)

The Worst Recession Since the Great Depression

Todd G. Buchholz in The Great Depression Hoax published in The Wall Street Journal:

[...]Sure, we gripe about higher food prices and shaky home prices, but we are still living "La Vida Latte," lining up every morning before a barista and otherwise indulging in the imperatives of the good life. Yes, the share price of Starbucks has sunk of late, but Americans spent more, not less, at Starbucks last year than the year before. And if you add premium coffee sales at McDonald's and Dunkin' Donuts, the growth rate of this liquid luxury has soared. I should point out that the price of a Starbucks latte is about $1,200 a barrel.[...]

C'mon, Congress, punish Big Latte. For the children!

Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall...

Lynn Sweet reports in the Chicago Sun-Times:

"I would not have nominated Clarence Thomas," Obama said in response to a question from Saddleback Church Pastor Rich Warren about which existing justice he would not have nominated. "I don't think he was a strong enough jurist or legal thinker at the time for that elevation."

Steve Burri reports in Grandpa John's:

"I cannot vote for Barack Obama. I don't think he has enough integrity or is a legitimate political thinker for that elevation."

Grandpa John's Olympic Minute

-Sure Michael Phelps has won 7 gold medals, but he's only set 6 World records... Punk!

-If the U.S. Men's Basketball team somehow doesn't win the Gold, will King James gain the moniker 'LeBronze'?

-It is reputed that one of the Chinese female gymnasts came out of her mother's womb eight years ago with a double sommersault/2-1/2 twist dismount and stuck the landing on the placenta.

-Kobe Bryant shows more respect for the country in two seconds than the whole Democrat Party has in the past 40 years.

America: 2016

I'm so proud that the Obama administration finally weaned America off of our addiction to oil. There's plenty of room to sleep under the bus.We are the World... finally.

Laugh or Cry?

Flashback

Pictures taken 38 years apart, but eerily similar:

Reuters photo of war casualty in Georgia, August, 2008.

John Filo photo of demonstration casualty at Kent State University, May 4th, 1970.

How West Virginnie Views the Country

Click for larger view.

(Stolen from Don Surber.)

Change

"I'm gonna be a big sister soon. Time to grow up a bit".

"I like Pawis Hiwton's energy powicy, but I don't think that canoodowing with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Hugo Chavez, or Kim Jong-iw makes for a wise foweign powicy. I'd send Dohwa the Explohwa to help stabowize Iwaq."

Prankin' a Telemarketer

This is just too funny:



(H.T. Dad29.)

Serious Political Discourse

The People's Cube is where I go to get the real poop concerning issues of the day. Rush Limbaugh calls it 'The Stalinist version of the Onion.'

Some insightful illustrations:

There is also a nursing home version.

'Some words make you hopeful, some words seek for change. But, the words Obama gives you, from reality estrange.'
(With apologies to Gracie Slick.)

Cowbells lessen climate changing bovine flatulence.
Fighting for change 'til the cows come home.

Don't Confuse the Names

John Edward- "I channel dead people."

John Edwards- "I channel unborn babies."
"Yes, I smoked Rielle Hunter, but I didn't ejaculate."

Jonathan Edwards- "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God."

Obama Campaign Update

It is rumored that the Obama campaign will soon update some sloganeering. Instead of 'Change' and 'Hope' Barack will soon be using 'That's Hot' and 'Oops, I Did it Again'. The Senator will also be traveling with and holding a Chihuahua while speaking to reporters and paparazzi.

Scuttlebutt also has it that he will choose either Paris Hilton or Britney Spears for VP running mate.

That's Hot!

My Favorite Russian-
Speaking Truth to Power
At a High Cost

Just like the signers of our Declaration of Independence, the late Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn spoke with integrity in full knowledge that it could cost him his freedom, loss of all possessions, persecution of his family, and ultimately his life.

“Violence finds its only refuge in falsehood, falsehood its only support in violence.”

He began as a loyal communist hoping that he would be picked for plumb offices. A slip of the tongue sent him to prison. A better education he could not have suffered.

“It was only when I lay there on rotting prison straw that I sensed within myself the first stirrings of good.”

“Gradually it was disclosed to me, that the line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either — but right through every human heart — and through all human hearts.”

“Bless you, prison, for having been in my life!”

We shall mourn your passing. But, your words will remain with us.

Perhaps if Solzhenitsyn were younger he could have been a Dixie Chick and suffered with them as they spoke truth to power and felt evil's wrath.

Goldberg on Capitalism

In 'The Spoiled Children of Capitalism', Jonah Goldberg writes:

[...]People ask, "Why is there poverty in the world?" It's a silly question. Poverty is the default human condition. It is the factory preset of this mortal coil. As individuals and as a species, we are born naked and penniless, bereft of skills or possessions. Likewise, in his civilizational infancy man was poor, in every sense. He lived in ignorance, filth, hunger and pain, and he died very young, either by violence or disease.

The interesting question isn't "Why is there poverty?" It's "Why is there wealth?" Or: "Why is there prosperity here but not there?"

[...]Capitalism is the greatest system ever created for alleviating general human misery, and yet it breeds ingratitude.

Whine for Change

All Cultures Equal in Value- Except the U.S.
An Early Study

In the New York Sun, Richard Pipes reviews a book by Tim Tzouliadis titled Banished: 'The Forsaken'. This book tells of those Americans who understood the evils of American culture and capitalism to follow their ideals of hope and change by emigrating to the Soviet Union during the depression:

[...]They came to Russia full of enthusiasm, bringing with them baseball and jazz, and eager to acclimatize.[...]

And the migrants were themselves quite unprepared for the poverty and lawlessness which characterized life under Stalin, and in many if not most cases decided to leave. They soon learned, however, that when they surrendered their American passports upon stepping on Soviet soil (passports which were then used by Soviet agents in America), they had become, automatically, Soviet citizens. Protests and appeals to the American authorities qualified the émigrés in Moscow's eyes as troublemakers and led to their arrests, followed by confinement in concentration camps.[...]

Hope and Change

All Cultures Equal in Value

(H.T. Maverick Philosopher.)