Obama's Uses Trial Runs to Direct Foreign Policy

President Obama is a brilliant man. On any issue he listens to all the relevant facts, meditates, ponders, and tests hypotheses thoroughly and carefully before acting. When questioned about his delayed actions against Iran, Afghanistan, and North Korea, Dear Leader is purported to have replied:

Some say we should send additional troops, attack, sanction, and embargo our enemies. I do not desire to act in haste so I have been intensely studying these policies for efficacy. In one study, we tested the effectiveness of additional troops to attack our enemy furiously, sanctioned our greatest enemies, and imposed an embargo on outside assistance of any kind on them. It was a disastrous FAIL. So if it didn't work on Rush Limbaugh and Fox News, but instead sent their viewer numbers through the roof, why would we ever expect them to work against Iran, Afghanistan, or North Korea?

But, at least now we know how to keep Iran or North Korea from owning an NFL team.

Good point, Mr. President, and good science.