Saturday, August 22, 2015

Strategic Errors by Those that Stopped the French Bullet Train Shooter


While much of the civilized world are praising the quick actions of Americans Spencer Stone, Alek Skarlatos, Anthony Sadler, and Briton Chris Norman that thwarted a possible slaughter of hundreds aboard the French bullet train, there remains a time for cool-headed afterthought. Their actions would have been acceptable last century, but this is a new era and their approach leaves a great deal to be criticized.

At the first sign of possible trouble these four men charged straight into the muzzle of an AK-47 wielded by Ayoub el-Qahzzani, suspected to be either a Lutheran or Methodist, and took him down, disarmed him, knocked him out, and hog-tied him.

These four men charged so hard that the initial reports suggested that they were U.S. Marines when, in fact, one was a member of the Air Force, one a National Guardsman, one a civilian from California, and the other an IT consultant.

What could one possibly find wrong with that? Plenty.

--They never considered proper rules of engagement and didn't call in for permission to engage.

--They failed to show Mr. el-Qahzzani that they were unarmed so he wouldn't feel compelled to shoot anyone.

--They didn't stop to consider why Mr. el-Qahzzani hated them and try to rectify the wrongs done to him. Perhaps their chickens had just come home to roost.

--They made no attempt to bring the issue before the United Nations or form a multi-national coalition to handle the matter.

--They acted like Cowboys.

Men, this is a new era and you are not allowed to act in this manner anymore. You should have called the police and let the government take care of you.


Friday, July 10, 2015

Run, Ulysses, Run!


We are now cleaning up America of all our historical litter. We have removed flags, defaced monuments, voted to dig up graves, and demanded that certain movies not be shown. Gone with the Wind is under siege. There is so much more left to do.

Next to be given the axe is Forrest Gump. As everyone knows, Forrest was named after Civil War Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest. Forrest was also the first Grand Wizard of the newly formed Ku Klux Klan.

However, we believe that with a few tweaks, this movie can be redeemed.


Sunday, July 05, 2015

Bruthe & Jenny


This is the epic tale of two indomitable, heroic entities, Bruthe and Jenny, that inhabit the same body. Along with their sidekick smart car, Major Brokeback, they fight social justice wherever it may be found.

In their pursuit of relative truth, social justice, and the socialistic way, Bruthe and Jenny fight against the oppressive forces of the patriarchy, heteronormativity, rape culture, racism, global warming, the 1%, and similar evils. They are opposed and pursued by Teaparty Hogg, a racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, bigoted White Christian male chauvinistic pig and his minions.

When asked if they also fight against the ill treatment of women, gays, minorities, and non-comformists in other parts of the world, Bruthe and Jenny respond that other cultures are equal to ours and that the Prime Directive prohibits us "... from interfering with the internal development of alien civilizations."

The adventures of Bruthe and Jenny will make one forget all about The Dukes of Hazzard, John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, the Constitution, and American exceptionalism.

Tune in.


Thursday, July 02, 2015

The Final Frontier


Disgrace: the final frontier. These are the escapades of the far-hip Liberalize. Its eternal mission: to perpetrate strange new worlds, to destroy bourgeois virtue and tradition, to boldly hamper freedom where no tyrant has gone before.


Saturday, June 27, 2015

Presidential Candidates Adapt to Supreme Court Ruling


Rumor has it that Republican Presidential contender, Lindsey Graham, has married Caitlyn Jenner. In addition to the fact that the Court ruling has allowed his love to win, Graham realizes that these nuptials will greatly increase his 'Hip-Cool Factor' among Millennials as well as allow him to have a steady First Lady in the White House during his Presidency. It is also a signal that President Graham is not afraid to make bold moves.

Not to be upstaged, Democrat candidate, Hillary Clinton announced that she and Bill have also married Ms. Jenner. Hillary realizes that this will give her blindly loyal supporters something to answer when asked to name a Hillary accomplishment.

And Ms. Caitlyn Graham-Rodham-Clinton-Jenner is again being praised for pushing the envelope of human freedom, rights, and equality into frontiers where no man has gone before. We distinctly smell a Nobel Peace Prize in her near future.

Rachel Dolezal could not be reached for comment.


Love Wins!


One of the recent Supreme Court decisions has made it clear that...