I just had to post this:

Re: PARENTS SAY THE DARNEDEST THINGS

Warning: do not take a sip of your beverage before reading this.

Re: PARENTS SAY THE DARNEDEST THINGS [Mark Krikorian]
Boy, I seem to have struck a nerve in asking for phrases that can only be uttered by people with kids. Some of the submissions: "Stop licking the remote control"
"Don' t lick the toilet!"
"No licking each other!"
"Wipe your OWN bottom"
"Why is there a pair of underwear on the ceiling fan?"
"No, Ella, that's not my brain, that's a bald spot."

Then there's the sub-genre of nose-related comments:
"Sweetie, we don't drink through the nose."
"Come here so I can clean out your nose!"
"Why did you stick that up your nose?"
"Give me that booger"
"Don't put noodles in your brother's nose"
"Take the rock out of your nose!"

And another about pets: "Don't throw the cat"
"Where are the rest of the cat's whiskers?"
"Get out of the catbox!"
"We don't put cheese on the cat."
"No licking the dog."
"Okay, who spray-painted the dog?"
"Get the frog out of the toilet."

And last but not least: "That is why we don't staple packets of hot sauce."