Steve

No matter how often it is proven, I cannot help but be appalled at how foolish, dense, and ignorant I can be. (Shaddup, guys!)

In reviewing all the issues that face us as a nation and as individuals, I cannot help but to throw in my support for Senator John Kerry. I have volumes of infallible reasons for this, but will only name a few. (Since y’all whine about long blogs.)

Senator Kerry will get the whole world on our side so that we can become part of a ‘Whole Earth Cooperative’ to rid the world of evil by negotiating and causing mean people to repent of the error of their ways. I see no reason why he will not be able to appease the terrorists and cause them to live at peace with their earthly neighbors and contribute to the betterment of mankind. He has a plan and it includes as a theme song, 'I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony'.

John Kerry’s environmental policies will rid the earth of pollution. He will lead us into the development of alternative forms of energy usage to decrease our dependency on foreign oil. Gaea, the Mother Earth Goddess, will be pleased and help all things to go well. It is no coincidence that Bush, Cheney, and the other mean Republicans are so anally retentive. After all, the presently irritated Gaea is both the mother and wife of Uranus. An assuaged Gaea will no longer hit Florida with hurricanes.

Senator Kerry will cut my taxes. I pay an awful lot now and Mr. Kerry has promised to lay the burden on those who are more able to bear it. (Yes, Lance, you tall people should pay more. Yes, I know that Mari Jo is short, but we aren’t using family averages.) Everyone knows that the rich have gained their wealth by cheating and taking advantage of the poor. They deserve to be punished. He has a plan.

John Kerry has a plan to cut the federal deficit, maybe to zero, in a very short time. We cannot afford to leave this unbearable load to our children.

He has a plan that will control the Russian’s loose nukes almost immediately.

Senator Kerry will perform miraculous changes in our health care system. All people’s needs will be taken care of. Those confined to wheelchairs will walk, the blind will see, and perhaps the dead will even be raised back to life. Maybe Grandpa John will no longer be an orphan. He has a glorious plan.

How could I possibly not support John Kerry?