Bumper Stickers

Haven't done this in a while. Saw this one the other day:

186,000 miles/second: It's Not Just a Good Idea, It's the Law

A little too much verbage for a bumper sticker - the lettering gets too small to read when you shove that much into it.

I have seen larger-sized bumper stickers. Saw one just the other day: it said "America First" and was stuck to the back of a Toyota pickup, right over the word "Toyota."

Nice little bit of irony there. He also had a Kerry for President sticker. Must be Union.

Lastly, one I've been saving for a while:

Liberals treat animals like people. Conservatives treat people like animals.

My first reaction to this bumper sticker was: this is a shot at conservatives - while liberals are compassionate toward all of God's creatures...um, I mean with all Goddess' creatures...um, right? Ah, the hell with it...conservatives are equally exploitive of them all.

But here's my problem: if, as this says, liberals treat animals like people, then it is also true that they treat people like animals.

The same goes for conservatives: if we treat people like animals, then the reverse is also true.

Ergo, conservatives treat people like liberals treat animals: like people. This bumper sticker is some kind of New-Age touchy-feely we're-not-really-all-that-different sort of message.

Yuck.

On the other hand, we can easily disprove the first of those two statements: I think it's safe to assume that a greater percentage of liberals than conservatives are vegetarians, but all liberals are not vegetarians. If liberals truly treated animals and people alike, then...

You want fries with that?

And, since a majority of conservatives (I assume) experience a Pavlovian need for a napkin when they walk through the County Fair (as I do, especially walking through the pig barn), we can conclude that, according to this bumper sticker, both liberals and conservatives tend toward cannibalism.

Hm. Maybe I need to work on that some more.

I think what this does conclusively prove is: I'm too smart to be a liberal. Or not smart enough. Or something.

Is it Friday yet? I need a drink.