The Constitution of the United States v. SCOTUS

In a 5 to 4 decision today, the Supreme court ruled the U.S. Constitution and the Declaration of Independence unconstitutional. Washington is ordered to be immediately evacuated and governance has been turned over to the United Nations until a delegation of liberal senators, congressmen, newsmen, and Hollywood actors can write a constitution that must be ratified by the U.N.

In writing the majority opinion, Justice Anthony Kennedy stated, "Since the Bush administration may be enabled by the present Constitution to name 3 or more Supreme Court Justices with tendencies toward the so-called strict constructionist school we fear that the court may become in these modern times one of pre-scientific antiquity leading the nation into theocracy, racism, sexism, homophobia, intolerance, and ethnocentricity. Many of our decisions through the last several decades have already proven the present Constitution a dead letter. We have also found many precedents in the laws of many African and Asian nations to legitimize our action. We acknowledge the integrity and authority of the United Nations to help bring us into the 21st century."

The dissenting opinion was delivered orally by Justice Clarence Thomas who mumbled incoherently and was heard to say something about, "...Long Dong Silver..." and, "...a pubic hair on a Coke can..."