The revenge of my ill-spent youth continues. The other evening as I sat to relax and watch the murder and mayhem of 'Forensic Files', I began to slip into a trance. There before me were flowers and rainbows with unicorns frolicking among them. I floated into the billowy clouds and began to pick up speed. Suddenly, Superman sped by, followed closely by Darth Vader in a multi-colored volkswagen minibus. Vader was cursing and shooting Superman the finger. I chuckled at the expression of intergalactic road rage.

Soon I came to a mirror-still mountain lake nestled among scenic snow-capped peaks and settled on a warm, sandy beach. The lake's stillness was interrupted only by the rainbow trout dancing the frug, the boogaloo, and the mashed potato on their tails on the water's surface. The ivory-billed woodpecker's tapped out their theme in the forest behind. There were many other people there, but not really people- kind of like images of embodied spirits of people. Abraham Lincoln, Washington, F.D.R., Ronald Reagan, and Michael Moore were there. I was told, however, that it wasn't really Moore, but just his soul that was sucked out of him long ago. Osama bin Laden was off in a meadow cavorting with his 72 virgins. They were sheep, but he didn't seem to mind, although the sheep seemed extremely agitated.

Out from among the crowd came several American G.I.'s, including Casey Sheehan. They plead with and instructed me to understand the truth. Al Gore really won Florida in 2000 as Kerry had won Ohio in 2004. There was no election fraud in Milwaukee.

The Americans were evil and the cause of all the ills in the world. George W. Bush was personified wickedness. The war in Iraq was founded upon lies and was only fought for oil. They weren't quite sure whether Cheney or Rove was the antichrist, but knew that it was one of them. Republican environmental policies did indeed cause Katrina. Condie Rice, Clarence Thomas, and Thomas Sowell were dark skinned Caucasians and Ward Churchill was really an American Indian. France was the most noble country on Earth.

All the terrorists were really misunderstood persons. Being forced out of work by Bush's foreign policy they had to work somewhere. An international educational program with cash payments overseen by the U.N. would solve their problems.

Now enabled to share the truth with the world, I was determined to carry on where Cindy Sheehan had left off. I would pitch a tent on the White House lawn until Bush agreed to meet with me. I would share my experience with the New York Times and the Washington Post, ABC, NBC, CBS, and CNN. The world would know the truth and could be set free. I could make a difference.

I travelled back to Earth in similar fashion as I had come, mission in hand.

I awoke in my recliner drenched in sweat, incontinent of bowel and bladder, and covered in my own vomit. But, I didn't mind.

You're right, Dorothy. There's no place like home.