Sunday, December 11, 2005

History as it Actually Was

Although Dr. Keith Burgess-Jackson claims this historical account was written anonymously, I strongly suspect one of the contributors to The Badger Blog Alliance was the source. Here are some excerpts:

"History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived off the deer in the mountains and forests during the summer, then went to the coast to live on fish and lobster in winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. Beer was invented first, then the wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These two inventions were the foundation of modern civilization. Together they were the catalyst for the division of humanity into two distinct groups: liberals and conservatives..."

"...Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbecue at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative Movement."

"Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbecue and beer bust. During the day they did the sewing, fetching, and hair styling. This was the beginning of the Liberal Movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as "girlie men."..."

"...Another interesting evolutionary side note: Most of the liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men..."

No comments: