Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Proposed Name Change for the Modern Democratic Party

As our culture and language evolve, it is often the case that terms no longer adequately denote that for which they were originally intended. In some cases the meaning of the word changes over time. One example of this is the word 'gay'. Its original meaning involved a joyful frivolity, but now it has changed to label a sexual orientation. At other times an aspect of culture changes rendering a word's (or phrase's) unchanged meaning irrelevant to its original, particular target. An excellent example of this is 'Democratic Party'. To most mature adults using this term conjures up thoughts of Woodrow Wilson, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Harry Truman, or John F. Kennedy. A modern observer, however, could find little, if any, common relationship. The culture beneath the umbrella of the 'Democratic Party' has shifted so radically that the original term finds no place with its modern 'counterpart'.

I propose, therefore, that we allow the term 'Democratic Party' to continue to reference the political genre of J.F.K., et al., and update our present language with a phrase that would most consistently represent the party as we experience it today. I submit that we designate the party of Howard Dean, John Kerry, Al Gore, Teddy Kennedy, Dick Durban, Harry Reid, Michael Moore, Cindy Sheehan, et al., as the 'Euhirudinea Dipteric Party'.

I would like to parse the phrase, 'Euhirudinea Dipteric', to demonstrate how accurately its language portrays the realities of the modern party. First, Euhirudinea is pronounced 'You hear a Dean, eee-yah?' Very discriptive of the auditory environment produced by the modern progressives. Second, Euhirudinea is the name of the zoological family of leeches. Some parallel characteristics include: "They feed as blood sucking parasites and can ingest several times their own weight in blood at one meal. After feeding the leech retires to a dark spot. It tends to change position frequently, and explore by head movement and body waving. In response to disturbances by an approaching host, the leech will commence "inchworm crawling", continuing in a trial and error way until the anterior sucker touches the host and attaches. There may also be a delayed irritation and itching after a bite. But they are of great value to plastic surgeons. The most common enquiry regarding leeches concerns repellents. It is unknown whether a specific preparation is commercially available but there is a plethora of tried and tested, but unproven leech-protection ideas."

Next, Dipteric, a form of Diptera, "...that carries common names such as flies, gnats, maggots, midges, mosquitoes, keds, and bots. Flies are found everywhere and do just about everything. The economic importance of the group is immense. One need only consider the ability of flies to transmit diseases. Mosquitoes and black flies are responsible for more human suffering and death than any other group of organisms except for the transmitted pathogens and man! Flies also destroy our food, especially grains and fruits. There are more known flies than vertebrates."

Both Euhirudinea and Diptera are banes to the living. In addition, however, the Dipterans also provide the benefit of aiding in consumption of the corpses that they may have helped mortify with pestilence.

So, thus goes the summary of my pitch for changing the name of the Democratic Party to the Euhirudinea Dipteric Party: Truth in advertising.


tee bee said...

I think you could even sell that to them, sans the background and intent - after all, it sounds so European, even the initials: EDP.

Dare I ask what their new symbol would be? The donk won't work anymore, but maybe something in its intestinal tract would do...

Steve said...

My symbolic preference would be a bloated corpse of a donkey covered with maggots.

Steve said...

As the E.D. Party, they could be represented by anything flaccid and impotent. Or a bottle of Viagra.