Friday, March 31, 2006

Intangible No More

While I grew as a professional sports fan, media analysis matured with me. Often an expert would predict the outcome of a weekend game by comparing different aspects of each opposing team. He might compare relative strengths of offense, defense, special teams, and home field advantage. He generally would include a category called 'intangibles'. One intangible always included would be 'team chemistry'. Good team chemistry provided for the team to elevate itself and become greater than the sum of its parts.

Over the past couple of decades this analysis has become highly evolved. Behind the scenes computers hum wildly, processing a universe of data. Their output, given to the commentator just before showtime may read, in part, something like this:

Team chemistry: The Giants steroid and performance enhancement drug usage is 30% higher than that of the Dodgers. Advantage: Giants.

*It has been reported that Balco Labs will soon undergo a name change. Since Barry Bonds came into the league with a physique akin to that of Don Knotts and then bulked up, the Balco Lab will now be called, 'Knotts Barry Farm'.

*Many sports fans in England have adopted Barry Bonds as a hero. For some unknown reason they have nicknamed him, 'Inj'. They have begun petitioning the Queen to infer upon him the honor of Knight. Then he would be addressed, 'Sir Inj'.

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