Friday, June 23, 2006

Fiction or Nonfiction?

Evidence from both my hidden basement laboratory and from VA computer files that I bought off of a fence on a Janesville street corner have verified as fact a theory that I have harbored for quite awhile. DNA comparison and acquired medical records have confirmed that John Kerry and Jack Murtha are identical twins. The difference in appearance is due to an environmental factor: Kerry's copious consumption of Botox and escargot.

Further analysis of both gentlemen's DNA revealed the solution to another mystery. In unraveling their helical strands... Eureka! We've discovered it... John Kerry's infamous "Plan"!

In mapping the nucleotide sequences and qualifying their meaning, we have been able to decodify the mysterious Kerry/Murtha plan. 'Cutting and running' from Iraq appears to be only a small portion of their salvific ideas.

Jack Murtha and John Kerry also are closely related to Stephen Hawking. Hawking claims that "The survival of the human race depends on its ability to find new homes elsewhere in the universe because there's an increasing risk that a disaster will destroy Earth."

Incorporating Stephen's intellect into the Kerry/Murtha plan, it becomes such as this: "We will redeploy our troops to Mars." There they will be out of harm's way from Iraqi insurgents. If needed, our troops can be recalled to Iraq within a light year or two. While on Mars, they will be able to begin building a community for the salvation of Humankind as Bush and company invite and enable destructive forces on Earth. With enough troops on Mars, it will prove an easy matter to subdue the beings already living there. Kofi Annan will accompany them to provide dialogue and impose sanctions, if needed.

Our studies have shown that this particular genetic makeup is a mutation and I dearly hope that it will not be allowed to prosper in the Human gene pool. (I know top scientists such as myself are not supposed to superimpose our political views over scientific data, but... That's the way the cookie crumbles!)

1 comment:

Billiam said...

Sweet. All three of them crack me up. Kerry and Murtha both are a disgrace to the uniforms they wore. Hawking, well, he's been refered to as chair-bot.