The Tortured Course of Human Events

"When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation."

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed,..."

What intolerant, toothless, knuckle-dragging, superstitious, opiated bigot wrote this crap? 'Nature's God', 'Creator'... Ha! What drivel! And even worse, I think that they actually believed in it!!

And just what did this scatalogic pile sprout? Just the most evil empire that the Earth has ever seen, now led by a humanoid named 'W' who invents new evils daily. The whole Earth and her children suffer daily at the hands of this devil and his cadre.

If only we would have instituted a French-like, sophisticated atheistic revolution instead. Sure some blood was shed, but you gotta break some eggs to make a perfect omelette. If we had done so, we would have today become... well, France.

Or perhaps we could have undertaken a scientific, atheistic Bolshevic revolution. Sure, a couple of people were starved or executed along the way, but have you ever had a borscht and vodka breakfast?

Or perhaps we could have chosen the simple, rustic, atheistic Chinese 'Great Leap Forward'. Sure a few bullets and tanks mangled human flesh, but "the intensive marshaling of America's energies would have drawn manual and mental labor together into a final harmonious synthesis and would have thrown a bridge across the chasm of America's poverty to the promised socialist paradise on the other side." And we would all have evolved into truly red states today. Styrofoamic rice cakes for breakfast! Hmmmm... rice cakes...

How short-sighted, ignorant, and foolish were America's founders. Even today we are still working to shake off the vestigial, deleterious effects of antiquated belief in a nonexistent 'Nature's God' and 'Creator'. But, hopefully soon, the A.C.L.U. will work its way out of a job.

Perhaps someday we can achieve the glorious levels of the modern civilizations of France, Russia, or China. There are also many other 'high-achiever' secular societies to which Jesusisjustalrightwithme alludes: "The truth is that the general rule in this world is that the more secular a society is, the stronger the economy and the longer the average lifespan, and the higher the average level of happiness. The more religios a society? You know the answer to that."1

Awomen, sister!