They Handle the English Language
Like Al Qaeda Handles Infidels

Wicked Thoughts posts a list of high schooler's metaphors and similies compiled by teachers. Here's a partial list:

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a thigh Master.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

I'll have to learn more of this technique so that Lance can more easily understand my writing.