Thursday, September 06, 2007

Hsu Flees to Wisconsin
(Updated)

Doyle offers sanctuary... for a (another) small fee. Wisconsin doesn't prosecute illegals.
Hsu Ginseng Farms owns over 1000 acres of virgin ginseng farmland available for cultivation in the heart of ginseng country-Marathon County, Wisconsin, USA. As the first Chinese-owned ginseng farm in North America, Hsu's Ginseng produces about 100,000 lbs of high quality American Ginseng every year.
Because of its location, weather, soil, processing skills and strict quality control, Hsu's American ginseng is known for its aroma and medicinal effects. From selecting planting locations to harvesting, from grading to packaging, Hsu's advance technology and quality management enable it to extend quality products throughout the world. Furthermore, Hsu Ginseng Farms' commitment to quality has allowed it to become the largest ginseng grower in the United States. We know what makes a difference, try us.1

We also contacted Kikkoman Foods, Inc., who opened a soy brewery in Walworth, Wisconsin in 1972, about any knowledge of Hsu. A manager, who wished to remain anonymous, told me, "We're Japanese, not Chinese, you fool!"

And there you have the rest of the story.

UPDATE: Norman Hsu was arrested in Grand Junction, Colorado, inside St. Mary's Hospital while feeling ill. Apparently he had taken Chinese ginseng capsules with a Japanese soy sauce chaser.

Hsu was unable to pay for his hospital care.

Hillary immediately used this case as proof of the need for universal health care legislation to help the poor... and the children... and the 83 billion uninsured.

Barack Obama thought this proved that we should get out of Iraq and nuke Grand Junction.

John Edwards was unavailable for comment as he was getting a haircut, buying a new fleet of SUVs, and building an addition to his house while foreclosing on poor and elderly homeowners in New Orleans.

Schumer claimed that this was further proof that the Surge was failing and that General Petraeus' report is lying.

Harry Reid said that this proved that McCain-Feingold was already lost...er... I mean that the war in Iraq is lost.

Al Gore stated that this further proved Global warming and that there was scientific consensus.

John Kerry was for the arrest before he was against it.

Larry Craig proclaimed that he didn't know it was Norman Hsu in the next stall.

Liberal bloggers wrote, 'Bush lied and Hsu almost died.'

Jesse Jackson rhymed, 'All that money through Norman Hsu? How'd I miss shakin' down that foo'?'

Hsu's lawyers said, 'Norman's not a flight risk. We recommend release on his own recognizance. We'll get his passport later.'

And there you have the rest of the rest of the story.

6 comments:

tee bee said...

This is a clear-cut case of BWD.

tee bee said...

Or is it BUI?

Speaking of which, you and I and Jib were supposed to trash Afton. That ever gonna happen? Sheesh, if I'd thought of it, I'd have pushed you guys to come out for a Snappers game.

Steve Burri said...

Yeah,

I've been thinking about that, too. It'll be nice to meet the bees!

BUI? Yas no dat i allus blag shtone kold shober. I wusunt dinkin, ocifer!

Anonymous said...

dedicated to fairnes huh, how about adding a bit of lucidity.

Steve Burri said...

Thanks for the comment, anonymous. We'd even appreciate input from some of your third grade classmates, too!

tee bee said...

Well, email me and let's make a plan.

Not you, anonymous. You probably wouldn't even get in at the Afton Pub.