Monday, September 24, 2007

Yegawds, Man...
Ya Need to Pop That Third-Eye-Lookin' Zit

[...]a vast mountain of emaciated husks of twisted limbs and shriveled skin covered in boils and pustules...1
This Mark Steyn turn of phrase evokes many mental perturbations.

In mentioning boils, Mark was probably thinking of Lance Burri. A lance, short for lancet, is a pointed, sharp surgical tool often used to pierce boils for pus drainage. Blogger Lance is a pointed, sharp surgical writing tool used to lance liberal boils that have festered upon the buttocks of our state and federal seats. He has been quick to criticize my state senator, Judy Robs'em Clinton, and her 'Healthy Wisconsin' plan. Senator Robs'em's plan calls for robbing from the..., well, everybody, to give to the Sheriffs of Madisonham and Prince Jim. Nurse, I need more drain sponges... there's at least another gallon of pus draining here.

(In our everyday language, pus has a very negative connotation often evoking the response, "Eeeew!" However, I prefer to think of it as a protein-rich product of defensive inflammatory maneuvers consisting of heroic, self-sacrificing white blood cells, liquor puris, and other cellular flotsam and jetsam. That puts a more palatable spin on a natural, organic product, doesn't it?)

Steyn's romantic poetry also whisks me away to another time and place. I am reminded of my 6:00 AM work schedule in the school's morgue. Since there was no free time later in the morning, we generally had to eat our breakfast with one hand while dissecting cadavers with the other. Small wonder that I developed a measure of ambidexterity and that all food has a familiar scent of formaldehyde to this day.

Oops! That reminds me... I haven't eaten breakfast yet and this post has gotten my salivary glands operating at Pavlovian warp speed. Gotta go!


Al said...

You haven't convinced me to overcome my distaste for bringing pus into contact with my palate.

Steve Burri said...


Did you really think that was lard that they use in cooking refried beans?