C'mere Little One...
I Have Candy

When much younger, I can recall watching a specific episode of "Our Gang", sometimes known as "The Little Rascals." In it, the characters were mimicking the candidates of a 1930's presidential election.

"If I'm elected, there'll be a chicken in every pot."

"If I'm elected, there'll be two chickens in every pot."

In the sixties, the joke continued. It was said that Nelson D. Rockefeller would state, "I'm Nelson D. Rockefeller, and I can buy your vote."

How quaint. Rockefeller proposed to use his own money. Today, however, the candidates are much more sophisticated than that; they wouldn't think of using their own money to buy your vote.

Modern enlightened candidates don't promise chickens in pots or a few bucks unless it's out of someone else's pocket. Like Barack Obama, these 21st Century saviors promise the production of the Kingdom on Earth. The meaning and values of life, salvation, and sustenance which the unbaptized masses formerly sought from the God of the Bible, the modern disciples now seek from their masters in Washington.

Through the ersatz explanations of Constitutional rights of individuals, Constitutional responsibilities of the three federal branches, and application of the Welfare Clause, modern politicians can offer what the Declaration of Independence promises; Cradle-to-grave security*, freedom from personal responsibility*, and happiness*.

Don't worry, be happy. Sit back and enjoy your high self-esteem. We'll take care of you. We'll oversee your health care; we'll oversee the Earth's health care. We'll educate your children to our specifications; we'll protect you from criminals (but don't carry a gun). If you prefer alcohol and drugs, we'll feed your children as well as you. Need transportation? We'll start producing U(s.a.)-gos since it worked so well for Yugoslavia. Feel hurt and offended? We will chastise the judgmental offenders. Want an abortion? We'll remove the tumor. (Just don't take this pro-choice philosophy too far.)

What does all this cost? This supposed rational question indicates evil selfishness. What price can be put on the value of a child, on health, on clean air and water, on the Earth, on replacing the elderly's Alpo with Cream of Wheat, on avoiding Sally Struthers' tears? Nonetheless, we will compassionately soak the rich, the price gouging corporations, and the disgusting.

We are the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes into the Kingdom but through us.

(*Just the insignificant detail concerning the forfeiture of your soul. No big deal, it has been proven scientifically that we live in a materialist universe.)