Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Red Socks

My big mouth has recently let the cat out of the bag over in the comment section of Hasenpfeffer Incorporated and I need to come clean and be contrite before The National Baloney newspaper, the nutroots, or the DNC find out and make hay out of it.

A recent story about Socks, the Clinton White House cat, being unloaded by Hillary Clinton as soon as they left the White House and was no longer needed to propagandize a humanitarian home was published in the Timesonline. Many jumped on this article as proof that Hillary's recent presentation of her 'soft side' is just another Clinton ruse.

The truth of the matter, however, is not quite so convenient for use by us Conservatives. The same is true as well about another Conservative punching bag, the saga of Sandy Berger.

Being a cat person, I often indulge my favorite critters. Some time ago, during the Clinton Presidency, I taught my cat, Kittyanna Katrina Kallikovski Mayovich, how to use a computer. One day while stalking the internet, (like most cats, Kittyanna hates water and won't 'surf') she found Socks' e-mail address and began communicating regularly with him. Eventually, through her powers of feline persuasion, she converted Socks into a conservative worldview.

Like all conservatives, Socks rapidly became a racist, sexist, homophobic xenophobe. He also participated in the vast right-wing conspiracy and began politicking personal destruction on any that were not of his kind. It became so dangerous in the latter years in the White House that even Sandy Berger was forced to insert papers into his stockings to protect his ankles against the sneaky claws of Socks' offensive weaponry. (I believe that Norman Hsu is still working to pay off the costs of Secret Service protection that he had to employ while visiting the White House.) Hillary had to get rid of him in self-defense. Betty Currie was chosen since Ellen DeGeneres was unavailable.

Therefore, apologies are in order both to Hillary Clinton as well as Sandy Berger for all the nasty, unfair insinuations made against them.

(The Carnival of the Insanities is refusing medication again over at Dr. Sanity.)

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