Governor Doyle,
Please, Help Us!

According to American Heart Association:

Research studies have shown a link between snow shoveling and heart attack. One study estimated that as many as 1,200 people nationwide die annually of coronary artery disease during and after major snowstorms.

These studies do not even include back injury, hypothermia, frostbite, arm, wrist, and hand injury. Nor does it cover automobile accidents; time loss for work and school; nor all the plagues of exacerbating the deadly global warming through the increased CO2 emissions from lengthy car warmups.

Governor Doyle, you simply must call a special emergency session of the state legislature to pass a state-wide snowing ban. It is an urgent matter of public health. If it is opposed and stalled by those evil, citizen hating Republicans, at least give each of us a high powered two-stage snow thrower.

And, please hurry. We are expecting 6-10 inches of new snowfall tomorrow.

If I don't shovel the sidewalk, the city will give me a ticket and fine me to pay the cost of sidewalk clearing. If I do shovel, I might die. I don't know what to do. I'm scared.

Governor Doyle, since President Obama has yet to be seated on the throne, I need you to heal my troubled soul.