Real Hope & Change

Wayne Larrivee's analysis on The Back Page Tuesday parses all of the recent political acclamations and gyrations into one precise nutshell:

You may have, like I, questioned Congress' involvement in the baseball drug issue. Don't they have better things to take care of in Washington?

Well, I was wrong. When Roger Clemens reported that his wife, Debbie, took injections of HGH in her preparation for an appearance in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, red-blooded American male-dom suddenly had an interest in these otherwise pointless hearings. It's not about cleaning up the game. It's not about the kids. It's not even about little known legislators having their day in the sun. It's bigger than that.

The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is the most anticipated sports magazine in the free world. It follows the Super Bowl and precedes pitchers and catchers as the sure sign of spring... in the dead of winter. Juiced up baseball players hitting home runs, pitchers throwing 100 mile per hour coming out of the womb are one thing, but the legal integrity of the thongs, bikinis, and babes who fill them is what this is all about.

The HGH enhanced Mrs. Rocket looked pretty awesome a few years ago in that spread. If we don't nip this in the bud- or is it butt?- right now, guys are going to be giving their girlfriends and wives steroid injections for Valentine's Day. Red-blooded America needs to know that the half-naked women it gawks over every winter are on the up and up. And our lawmakers are getting to the bottom of it... through tax dollars at work.

Brilliant!

I've already voted in today's primary, but if I knew then what I know now, I would instead vote for Hillary. It is a certainty that she is not using HGH.