The Unkindest Cut of All

The Presidential candidate, Senator Barack Obama, has promised to bring change and unity to a mean spirited American culture. In a statement of solidarity, the Reverend Doctor Jesse Jack-knife expressed the desire to perform a very unifying testes excision procedure for the good senator. You can't get much more unified than that- solidarity with all that is culturally European.

The Reverend's surgical technique is so advanced that he would forego the use of anesthetics in the performance of the delicate operation. Pre-op testing had convinced Jesse that Obama was already a numbnuts, probably due to Michelle's iron-fisted clench.

Sharpton: "Looks lahk Obama's giddyup and gonads got up and went. They wasn't passing no slave blood genes to produce an authentic African-American generation anyways."

The removed articles will be put up for auction on E-bay, with all proceeds going to funding this year's Democrat National Convention in Denver. That puts quite a different spin on the delineation of 'Rocky Mountain Oysters.'

The Reverend Jackson's remarks are historically consistent with his apparent fascination with human genitalia. Several years ago he was criticized for referring to New York as Hymietown. He, however, was misquoted. In actuality, he really said 'Hymentown' after he was unable to seduce several of the young locals.

Now, more than ever, no one will be able to legitimately question Barack Obama's matriotism.