I gotta give a thumbs up to Barack Obama for following his own advice. To save the planet and solve America's energy crisis, Senator Obama brought his bus down to Ernie's Garage and Waffle House to get an engine tune-up and make sure that the tires were properly inflated. Ernie does great work and in a very short time had the bus purring like a kitten with tires dyno-inflated and analyzed. That bus was now ready to put Dale Jarrett's UPS truck in his rear view mirror around any NASCAR track. Sunday! Sunday!
A Tune-up and Check the Tire Pressure, Please
What Barack didn't know, however, was that Ernie also had a part-time job on the side. Ernie's second cousin, once removed, is none other than Karl Rove. Yes, indeed, Barack's mechanic was not properly vetted. Ernie had placed a bug in a most intimate place; along the oil pan under the bus.
In recent days, though, Barack's Presidential coronation hasn't proceeded as smoothly as his wheels. He was quite disconcerted. How could American voters not recognize his salvific anointing?
One evening, ironically just as the sun was setting, Barack slipped unnoticed out of the bus and slid underneath to seek counsel from his spiritual mentor.
Karl Rove sent me the transcript.
"Yo, yo, O Holy Prophet, I don't understand how it could be that the messiah is facing so much rejection from the infidels. Does the Bible have anything to say about that? I know from your teachings that the whole Bible is about Black Liberation Theology, the evils of American chickens coming home to roost, and that pap about doing stuff for the least of these, but does it say anything about the messiah's rise to leadership?"Mr. Rove also sent along his recommendations for Ernie. He was amazed that he could place that bug undetected under that bus among so many possible witnesses. Karl is lobbying John McCain of the wisdom of appointing Cousin Ernie as his White House Chief of Staff.
"I don't think so, Grasshopper, but let's actually look and see what it might have to say. Hmmm, I've never seen this before. It says that the messiah will be despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and familiar with grief."
"Well that certainly has become true! So I must be on the right track."
"It says here that the messiah's father has forsaken him."
"Yeah, yeah, that's happened to me. I surely am the one!"
"Here it talks about the messiah being betrayed by someone close to him."
"You mean he's not under the bus yet?"
"It also talks about the crowd screaming."
"Oooh, that sounds cool!"
"Uh, they're yelling to crucify him!"
"Here some soldiers put a crown of thorns on his head, spit on him, and slug him until he is barely recognizable."
"Then he is crucified, speared, and is buried."
"When does he become their political leader??"
"Well, the messiah does rise from the grave, ascends into heaven, and promises to come back."
"Well, actually, the world has been waiting over 2,000 years for that to be fulfilled. Except, I think, he visited the Jehovah's Witnesses."
"Ya mean I won't become President 'til at least the year 4008?"
"It appears so, Obamessiah, and you'll be hanging out with the JW's 'til then. Apparently, people can just believe in you, vote for McCain, and still be saved."
"Well, at least I gots the Jehovah's Witnesses vote!"
"They don't vote."
"God is racist!"
"I don't know about that, but I'm sure glad I'm off YOUR bus!"
(Dr. Sanity has more.)