Daily Dollop's Daily Double

The author, known as Plebian, writes with humor so uniquely clever that it has to originate in another galaxy.

1) Ride 'Em Cowboy excerpts:

I decided to seduce my wife last night.[...]

I eventually settled on the only logical choice: dressing up like a naked cowboy. After all, it’s well-known that she can’t resist a sexy cowboy.[...]

I was ready. I imagined that she'd come in, be completely wowed by my sexy costume, become aroused, and we'd make passionate love and then pass out in each other's arms.

Don't laugh. It's the audacity of hope.[...]

Hilarity ensues.

2) AAPS Condemns "New Crusade" excerpts:

A leading civil-rights organization spoke out today against "the ongoing crusade" in the United States and warned that unless corrective actions are immediately taken "the future will be bleaker than at any time in the past two hundred years."

The American Association for the Protection of Strawmen (AAPS) issued a statement today that they were very concerned about the direction of the presidential election.

"Things usually get heated around this time of year," the statement said. "But since the conventions, our offices have seen a surge in attacks on Strawmen. Since John McCain announced his VP nominee, over six thousand strawmen per day have been tortured and murdered. We are particularly concerned by reports that both campaigns have been caught abducting strawmen from their homes."[...]

Parody ensues.