Shorts and Shoulds

-The results of the latest Grandpa John's 2008 Presidential poll is in with some startling conclusions.

Regardless of race, gender, age, or economic status, deceased likely voters support Senator Barack Obama 98% to 1% for Senator John McCain with 1% undecided.

-Vice Presidential candidate, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, stated after the revelation of the unwed pregnancy of her daughter, Bristol:

Our beautiful daughter Bristol came to us with news that as parents we knew would make her grow up faster than we had ever planned. We’re proud of Bristol’s decision to have her baby and even prouder to become grandparents. As Bristol faces the responsibilities of love and adulthood, she knows she has our unconditional support.

Governor Palin could well have added:

We believe that it is true that 'whatever you do to the least of these, my people, you have done so to me.'

Therefore, we have also begun the paperwork to adopt and support George Hussein Onyango Obama in Kenya.

-Jim Treacher analyzing Obama and Palin:

One of them is little more than an elegant, attractive, dare I say sexy piece of eye candy.

The other one kills her own food.

-Unnamed McCain staffer after warning Governor Palin of the vicious onslaught that she was about to experience was then asked by Palin:

Do YOU know the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull?

LIPSTICK