Senator Dick Durbin: "According to experts, Guantanamo, unfortunately, has become a recruiting tool for Al-Qaeda that is hurting America's security."Rush misses the point here, but he can be forgiven since the report by the Middle East experts in our secret basement laboratory has not yet been forwarded to him.
Rush Limbaugh: "Al-Qaeda uses it as propaganda to recruit terrorists in the Middle East, to show how evil we are to terrorists at Club Gitmo.
Ohhh! Oh, I get it. I get it. So it's all part of this theory that we create more terrorists. I got you. Okay. There aren't any stories out there to that effect, or there are no stories. There's no empirical evidence. There's more evidence that we evolved from that lemur monkey, 47 million years old, than there is that Guantanamo Bay created more terrorists."
Our experts, while visiting the Middle East, compiled tons of evidence that the existence of Guantanamo indeed aided in the recruiting of young Arab men into the services of Al-Qaeda and similar terroristic organizations. Report extract:
Typical conversation between two Arab young men would commonly go something like this:
Sadiq: "The Al-Qaeda recruiter is in town today. Are you going down to sign up?"
Hasan: "Are you kidding? The Americans are kickin' Al-Qaeda ass all over the planet. And if they capture you instead of killing you they send you to some hell hole like Guantanamo."
Sadiq: "Guantanamo? We should be so lucky. It's even better'n stayin' at the Bagdad Hilton. Ya get three squares a day of the best Arab food and generally get treated like kings. Cousin Raghib is there and really is packin' on the pounds.
They give ya a Quran and prayer mat and let you do all of your rituals."
Hasan: "But the New York Times says they torture you in a most sadistic way!"
Sadiq: "Camel droppings! Sometimes they give you the evil eye and talk mean and yell or put a crawly bug on you, but they are so soft that they even make Uncle Pasha look like The Great Satan."
Hasan: "Wow, I'm tired of herding these stinky goats all day. I'm going to sign up right now!"
Sadiq: "Me, too! Let's went, Cisco!"