If You Had Been Blogging While We Were Alive...

We'd Still Be Alive Today
Janesville, WI- In a speech today before the residents of Oakhill Cemetery, Steve Burri, psuedoanonymous main contributor on Grandpa John's, informed the respectful audience of the state of the blog, its successes, and its prognosis for the future.

Speech excerpt:

Over the past 5 years, the Grandpa John Administration has blogged harder than it ever has before. To this point our blogging policies have saved 3.2 million lives and alleviated 6.83 Gigapains of human suffering, mostly in the children.

I am pleased, but not yet satisfied. I will redouble blogging efforts and over the next hundred days these policies will save 600,000 more lives and relieve 2.6 more Gigapains of suffering, mostly in innocent children.

The audience sat in stunned, respectful silence, totally awed by this dedication, even as Burri returned to his office to continue the work.

Updates:

Pundette ups the ante.

Gatordoug stops grizzly attacks, employs hookers, and has offered a blogging stimulus package.




Gatordoug nailed this one with his bare hands as it charged a group of crippled children. He presented it to Sarah Palin as a gift.