Lance staggered home very late after an evening celebrating St. Patrick's Eve with his drinking buddy, Todd. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mari Jo.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily upon his buttocks. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Stifling a scream, Lance sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Lance woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt with Mari Jo staring at him from across the room.
She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'
Lance said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'
'Well,' Mari Jo said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ...... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.'
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