Special Offer From Grandpa John's Secret Laboratory

As the readers of Grandpa John's are fully aware, we are dedicated servants to truth, justice, and the American way. We are constantly looking for ways to better assist the unwashed masses in speaking truth to usurped and unconstitutional power.

The rise of the Tea Party movement has given us a unique opportunity to service the needs of Conservative and Libertarian protesters. The scientists in our secret basement laboratory have developed a valuable tool for use during these protests.

Introducing the new 'Grandpa John's Combination Pitchfork & Torch:

The new GJP&T will free up Tea-Baggers' hands to use a cell phone, take a picture, text, live-blog, change a diaper, or use a megaphone and not have to put down their torch or fork and continue on their march without missing a step.

We know we are on the right track because the GJP&T is already the subject of legislative discussion concerning registration and Brady-esque limitations. The Department of Homeland Security wants to list all owners on its list of potential terrorists.

The GJP&T would make a great Easter gift in that it symbolizes something that was thought to be dead but now is rising again.

(The GJP&T uses green technology. Its hollowed out handle is fitted for low CO2-emitting propane and is refillable.)

UPDATE: Adjunctive product from Doug Ross Journal:

(H.T. Pundit & Pundette.)