The rise of the Tea Party movement has given us a unique opportunity to service the needs of Conservative and Libertarian protesters. The scientists in our secret basement laboratory have developed a valuable tool for use during these protests.
Introducing the new 'Grandpa John's Combination Pitchfork & Torch:
The new GJP&T will free up Tea-Baggers' hands to use a cell phone, take a picture, text, live-blog, change a diaper, or use a megaphone and not have to put down their torch or fork and continue on their march without missing a step.
We know we are on the right track because the GJP&T is already the subject of legislative discussion concerning registration and Brady-esque limitations. The Department of Homeland Security wants to list all owners on its list of potential terrorists.
The GJP&T would make a great Easter gift in that it symbolizes something that was thought to be dead but now is rising again.
(The GJP&T uses green technology. Its hollowed out handle is fitted for low CO2-emitting propane and is refillable.)
UPDATE: Adjunctive product from Doug Ross Journal:
(H.T. Pundit & Pundette.)