Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Democrats Angling Toward Overturning Roe v. Wade

About a week and a half ago, on Saturday morning the 10th of April, President Obama left the White house without his press corps. The story goes that he wanted to see his daughter's soccer game, but it was over before anyone could verify.


About a week and a half ago, on Saturday morning the 10th of April, several buddies and I were sitting in the corner tavern enjoying a few celebratory beers. As we clanked bottles together to honor our great achievement, a man stepped just inside the door and looked around. He was wearing a dark suit and dark glasses. He opened the door and signaled to someone outside. Two other men walked in. One looked like the identical twin of the first and the other was a tall, thin, light skinned Black man about 45 years of age.

As they approached the bar, Joe the bartender, started to ask, "Aren't you...?," but was cut off by the tall man who said, "I'm Billy Bob Jefferson from Alabama, just a regular American guy. Barkeep, give me a Budweezer and a Kobe with arugula on San Francisco sourdough.

Joe nodded and asked the other two what they wanted. They didn't respond, but just kept scoping out the scene. Joe shook his head and drew a Miller from the tap and proceeded to make a peanut butter and jelly with liverwurst on white bread sandwich for the Pres... er, Billy Bob.

Billy Bob glanced our way and asked, "It's a little early for you guys to be drinking, isn't it?"

Tom replied, "No, sir, we are still drinking from last night's softball game. We finally won one."

Billy Bob sat at a nearby table as his two friends stoically stood in strategic positions nearby with their heads on swivels. "Hey, you all, whaddaya think about those tea baggers? Pretty wierd, un-American bunch, eh?"

"Uhhh, no, sir. We all attend every tea party that we can. It is a movement that arises from the conservative character of the American people who have chosen to speak against the increase of federal government power and intrusion. We are hoping that these statements will lead to a change in the direction of America back toward the vision of the Founding Fathers. The growth of the tea parties leads one to suspect major changes in the legislative and executive branches of our government."

The two suits reached inside their coats and kept their hands there.

Billy Bob stuttered, "Uhhh, yeah, uhhhh, me, too! I hear the Democrats are pretty scared about it. I also hear that they gots a plan to blunt the effectiveness of the tea party movement."

"Oh, yeah? What's that?"

"They say that they are going to repeal Roe v. Wade. They think that will appease the Christians and defuse the bomb."

"That's rich! Never happen. The feminists will go nucyular on 'em!"

"Nah! The feminists are a nearly extinct sub-species. A few threats to the media and the Nags won't be heard from at all. Besides, where else are they going to go? To the Republicans?"

"How on earth would they get repeal through Congress?"

"A little arm twisting... a few bribes... and the knowledge that all those saved babies will either be voters totally dependent on the government or else become tax payers."

"But how would they get it through the court challenges?"

"That's already been taken care of."


"We... er, they will call it Kelo v. Roe. Kelo established that private property can be more easily assumed by the government for the public good. Ladies, it may be your body, but the government is going to take control of it by eminent domain. Easy case."

"Brilliant! Abortion will be outlawed and we will have the formerly liberal feminists marching with us in the tea parties!"

"Joe, get Billy Bob a beer... on us!"

"Sorry, guys, but I gotta go. Michelle,... er, I mean my old lady is gonna be pissed."

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