Researching the Liberal Gene: UPDATE

As I walked into our secret basement laboratory this morning I saw several scientists huddled around a computer monitor. Most were laughing; some were face-palming; one had experienced the heartbreak of urinary incontinence. (Coulda been bowel as well, I didn't check too closely.)

I finally got one of our geneticists to stop laughing long enough to tell me what the jocularity was all about. He told me that Dr. Fowler's research at UC-San Diego found a Liberal Gene. I knew that we had already found this gene a couple of years ago so I couldn't figure out what was so funny. Apparently Dr. Fowler's study was flawed and they had pinpointed the wrong gene.

I'm sure most of my readers have read about Dr. Fowler's research by now, but if not here's on place to pick up some of the main points.

If you are interested in the more accurate research done in our lab, I will excerpt a small portion of our study's abstract:

The gene located in human DNA that corresponds to the Liberal mindset is mutant variation that we named DOH3. DOH3 is instrumental in the synthesis of L-DOPEE (L-3,4-dihydroxyphenylethylethanol) from the amino acid L-tyrantosine. L-DOPEE is the precursor in the production of the faulty neurotransmitter Dopeemine and L-epinephrine (Liberal adrenaline). These two molecules are classified in a liberal group labeled catatonicamines which produce hypersensitivity, overblown feeling of crisis, feelings of superiority, distrust of unwashed masses, irrationality, and jock itch, among several others.

No corrective gene therapy has yet been found.

Here's an electron micrograph of the DOH3 taken during our research: