So in order to find out more about this situation we hacked into TOTUS to become more informed. You see, POTUS and TOTUS have been together so long that they have mind melded. TOTUS has direct access to POTUS' Broca's area in his left inferior frontal gyrus. In the lab we refer to them/it as PTOTUS. And after this great length of time TOTUS has been able to extend its reach further into POTUS' cerebral cortex and the frontal lobe's thought processes.
Here is what we found out:
"Why did these gentlemen from Yemen send the bombs? What did America do to make them hate us? Are they in such a backward region that they don't know that George Bush is no longer President and that I am the President now? Are they retaliating against the Ground Zero mosque haters? Are they striking at the racist, sexist, homophobic, Islamophobic bigots of the Tea Party ilk? Are they warning America not to vote for Republicans next Tuesday? I'm glad they stopped the bombs heading for Chicago since I'm going there to campaign this weekend. I hope at least some of those unwashed peons are able to understand my deep thoughts. I hope none of them touch me... ick! Can you get a cheeseburger and fries in India?"Received this email today:
I'm excited to gather with supporters in Chicago tomorrow.
We've got a lot of work to do to keep moving America forward. But this movement has never backed down from a tough fight.
I hope you can join me. If you haven't already, please let us know you'll join by clicking here.
Hope to see you there,
President Barack Obama
Supporters Gather in Chicago