By Executive Order, August 4th Declared National Holy Day

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Signing an executive order today, the President has made August 4th the National Holy Day Obamavus, "The holiday for the Obamunist."

The celebration centers around the Obamavus Pole:

The celebrants dance around the pole writing campaign donation checks and inserting them into the collection box. The larger the check the more caring and compassionate the person is.

Another Obamavus practice is 'The Airing of Grievances.' Each participant is encouraged to speak openly about his or her grievances against the United States, selfish business owners, and Wall Street. The greater the grievances the more caring and compassionate the person is.

After a hearty shared meal of arugula and tofu, the revelers engage in the 'Feats of Strength' ceremony. Each person takes a straw man with a Conservative's name or principle labelling it and beats it senseless for as long as he or she is able. The greater the beating the more caring and compassionate the person is.

Finally, generous gifts of cash are given to the box on the Obamavus pole as the person gives thanks for all the Obamavus miracles that have taken place over the past years.

Transforming America.