Paul Ryan Scrambles to Regain Footing

Janesville, WI- U.S. Representive Paul Ryan (R-District 1, WI) scrambled his supporters to aid in the defense in his newly jeopardized House seat. In Wisconsin's 1st District, heavy voters for (Bill) Clinton, Gore, Kerry, Obama, Kohl, and Feingold, the news of McCain support here and here, caused the Ryan re-election campaign to try to douse the wild fire.

"It's not JOHN McCain that has written in support of Mr. Ryan, but, instead, it is THE OTHER McCain who has been speaking well of Paul."

But the blowback seemed to grow. Said one critic,

"The Other McCain? You mean LUCAS McCain, AKA Chuck Connors? Yeah, he was pretty good starring in 'The Rifleman,' but more importantly was a pro baseball player for the Chicago Cubs and was even drafted by the NFL Chicago Bears! He's supporting Ryan, eh? That won't fly here in Wisconsin. Down with Ryan!"

Rep. Paul Ryan, apparently in seclusion, reportedly with numerous uncontrolled facial tics and oral secretions, could not be reached for comment.