Thus Saith The Grizz

Everyone working in our secret basement laboratory gets more than a little nervous when they see a group of our Ursinologists huddled in a corner giggling like school girls. In the past, there have been numerous incidents involving bear scat, urine, former stomach contents, claws, and teddy bears. So with my right hand on my sidearm, I approached cautiously to investigate.

Much to my relief, I discovered that these scientists were simply having a good guffaw over an article written in the Great Falls, Montana, newspaper. Composed by staff writer, Karl Puckett, the piece had entailed the lateness of western Grizzly Bears emergence from their dens of hibernation.

I didn't really see any humor in it, so I had to ask. I was told that they had been studying these Spring situations for many years and had to laugh at the lack of understanding contained in the article:

Most Rocky Mountain Front grizzly bears still haven't emerged from their high-elevation dens, according to flight observations conducted this week by Montana Fish, Wildlife & Parks, breaking with a recent trend of earlier awakenings.

"I think people are surprised to hear we hardly have any grizzlies out," said Mike Madel, a FWP bear management specialist based in Choteau.

Black bear season opens Wednesday, but Madel has received no confirmed observations.

"It's been consistently snowing at times," he said.

"It's still pretty wintry around here," he said.

"And there's more snow up there this year," Madel said.

These jokers at the Montana Fish, Wildlife & Parks seem to boil it down to just a late Spring onset and probably Anthropocentric Global Warming. Our research indicates that there is a much more reasonable explanation.

Every one of these bears has a laptop and WiFi. They have been keeping up on current events and know that over the Winter the Democrats have control of the White House and both chambers of the U.S. Congress. Most are hoping to hibernate; going John 'Grizzly' Galt, through 'til at least 2010, or even 2012.

Grizzly bear intelligence is often underrated.

I still checked my seat and office desk drawers for bear scat.