The Wisconsin State Journal's Bill Wineke has the solution for Social Security:

Even as the nation's politicians have been arguing about how to "save" Social Security, we Americans have been busy finding the solution without their help.

I call it the "Caloric Solution," and if we keep at it, we'll no doubt find an answer to the pesky problem of living too long.

...

Researchers at Oxford studied 3,457 people, beginning in 1950, to see how various factors would influence their lives. They determined that fat people, when studied over a period of four decades, lived on average about seven years fewer than did thinner people.

...

The bright side is that most of the arguments about Social Security center on the so far undeniable fact that people are living longer and are, therefore, becoming an increasing proportion of our population.

However, if we start to die at younger ages because we are too fat, there will be more money left to support those geezers who bypassed the turtle sundaes.

So put your feet up, people, and pass the gravy. And another donut. Mmmmm, donuts.