Feingold's gonna need some Chap-Stick after this guy gets done kissing his butt.

Nicholas Jon Wood has written a fawning, worshipful, nearly-3000 word column explaining why Russ Feingold can/should/will be the next President.

The whole thing is screaming for a fisking, but due to its length and my lack of desire to put that kind of time in, I'll settle for a few paragraphs.

Feingold, though, is not a conventional politician. He is the cure for what ails this nation. Not since Watergate has the mood of the country toward politics been so pessimistic. The disputed 2000 election, an extremely secretive Bush administration, and a bitter '04 presidential campaign where both honesty and integrity took backseats to baseless ads and slanderous attacks, has made Americans disenchanted with government. Stout in his convictions, resolutely honest, and a man who always puts principles before politics, Russ Feingold can remedy all of that.

Nick Andriacchi, former director of Wisconsin's Assembly Democratic Campaign Committee, believes this to be his signature asset. "His biggest quality is conviction before politics," observed Andriacchi. "That resonates in Wisconsin, where he has clearly positioned himself as a maverick. The Democratic Party needs someone who can't be fingered for politics as usual, and he could be it."

A Feingold presidency could be as inspiring as another youthful, well-spoken senator a half century earlier. He could be the new leader of a country desperately in need of honest, intelligent leadership. He could again give the world a reason to respect the United States. Two and a-half years out from the Iowa caucuses, Feingold has the honesty, background, resume, intangibles, and – perhaps most important – the ``story'' to be the nation's next president.

Must...keep...gorge...from...rising...

What, precisely, is this "story" Wood is talking about?

Born to an attorney and an abstractor – two civic-minded middle-class parents in Janesville – Feingold excelled at Craig High School, graduating in 1971. He then moved north from this blue-collar town renowned for quality automobile production to the capital city to earn his undergraduate degree...

Ugh. He then headed to Oxford as a Rhodes Scholar. Or, as Wood puts it:

In making this prestigious academic pilgrimage, he followed closely in the footsteps of able statesmen, including future president William Jefferson Clinton. Feingold's year abroad left an indelible mark, promising a path toward public service, one previously nurtured by his parents.

Then he graduated with honors from Harvard Law, and went into politics a few years later. "Eschewing a conventional step-ladder approach to political ascendancy," he ran for State Senate and won in a squeaker, then won an underdog primary and an underdog general election to the U.S. Senate.

These are impressive accomplishments, and I'm not saying otherwise. But...this is the great "story" that will propel him into the White House?

Wood counts Feingold's religion and two divorces as disadvantages. As he puts it: "His campaign insider thinks it probably won't be an advantage, but in reality it is too soon to tell."

Another disadvantage: his promotion of campaign finance reform, which will make him look like a hypocrite when he tries to raise the money a presidential campaign requires.

His advantages: his "story" (according to Wood), his outsider status, his charisma and political skill. I would add better-than-average name recognition nationwide (thanks to McCain-Feingold), and that he comes from a swing state, which will make him extremely attractive as a Veep candidate.

See, I don't disagree with Wood. I just wanted to make a little fun of what looks to me like groveling, bootlicking adulation.