“Uncle Jed!! Uncle Jed!!"

“Jethro, slow down, boy. What’s all the fuss about?”

“I was areadin, in this here paper, The Janesville Geezette. And it was asayin’ they’re fixin’ to build an ethanol plant up yonder in Milton. Lookee here, it says, “The Milton plant will anyooally produce 42 million gallons of ethanol but can safely produce up to 50 million gallons per year,...”“

“Weee-dogies, boy! That’s almost as big as Granny’s still out back in the holler.”

“Uncle Jed, Granny’ll git her shotgun and go blast that dad-burned place to Mayberry!!”

“Now, boy, don’t you fret none. That there ethanol is fer horseless carriages. You know Granny’s is fer medicinal purposes only.”

“Oh, yeah, Uncle Jed, I fergot!”

“And don’t ferget that Cousin Sam is tryin’ to build a Sooper WalMart and Sam’s club rite cheer in Janesville, too.”

“Golly, Uncle Jed, Janesville is gettin’ pret’near as uppity as the Ozarks in Arkansaw!”

“Pret’near, boy, pret’near. Now go down the ceement pond and fetch Ellie Mae and her critters fer dinner. The possum, grits, and collard greens er done cooked.”

“Yes, sir, Uncle Jed. Mmmm, possum.”

“Ellie Mae... Ellie Mae...!!”