Two alligators were sitting at the outlet of a midwestern sewer drainage system. The smaller said to the bigger one, "I can't understand how you can be so much bigger'n me. We're the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it."
"Well," said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin', bro?"
"Mostly Bear fans - same as you," replied the small 'gator.
"Hmmm. Where do y'all catch 'em?"
"Down 'tother side of the old sewer drain near the parking lot by the stadium."
"Same here. Hmmm. How do you catch 'em?"
"Well, I crawls up under one of their cars and wait for one to unlock the door. Then I jumps out, grab 'em by the leg, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!"
"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. You see, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a Bear fan, there ain't nothin' left but an asshole and an ugly sweatshirt."