Saturday, March 04, 2006

Don't Void Your Wudu by Getting a Nagasah

Holy Medina, There's a Pizzy in the Hizzy!

I know that it's March, but I've barely gotten over my hangover from celebrating the Chinese New Year. I still have the firecrackers going off in my head and suffer seeing pink dragons in my delirium tremens. My red clothes are threadbare and my floor hasn't been swept since early January.

My major concern during all this has been my great offense against Muslims. My celebration of the new year is in collaboration with 2006, the Year of the Dog. Traditional Muslims regard dogs as unclean and even the touching of one would void their ablution (Wudu) and cause them impure filth. (Nagasah)

Chinese throughout the world must be on guard against terror attacks because of their audacity to proclaim this the of the Year of the Dog. Muhammad himself had purportedly ordered that all dogs be killed, or perhaps just the black ones, or maybe the black ones with two white spots that were Satan incarnate.

Far worse, however, is that, starting on February 18, 2007, the Chinese will usher in the Year of the Pig. That's bad enough to cause some Islamofascists to French-kiss Lassie! I'll begin warning Westerners now-- get out of Hong Kong!

We thought that the reaction to Winnie the Pooh and his friend Piglet was bad. We thought the riots over a few cartoons were serious. What will happen when one of the most populated nations on Earth exalts the Pig for a full year? I theorize that Iran's potential for nuking Israel is simply a ruse. They will continue to prepare for a surprise nuclear attack on China.

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