Don't Bogart That Hookah, My Friend

One evening while Linda and I were enjoying the daily coffee and hookah special down at our favorite Persian restaurant & used camel brokerage, we overheard a conversation between several Iranians from a nearby table. It was a very enthusiastic and giddy dialogue. Their hookah had apparently consumed a different substrate than ours. We soon found out that one of the conversants was Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. (actually pronounced a-mad-DEAN-jihad) He was the most giggly among the caravan.

I had been under the impression that Iranian Grand Poobah was simply a suicidal megalomaniac so I was reluctant to join them upon their aggressively cordial invitation. He Benihana-ed a brick with his scimitar, so join we did and soon discovered that Mahmoud and his cadre were much, much more than just haters of all things Western and Jewish. They were also very adept at discerning trends of the West.

"Yes, yes!" laughed 'Moudy' at my concerned, yet puzzled countenance. "We are developing nuclear weapons and do plan on frying Israel as the 12th Imam is instructing me. But he is also active in the Europe and the United States. He is infusing the Iranian people with strength and courage while turning Westerners into women ala Carter and Clinton. We are willing to die for our cause, and you are willing only to whine and complain like children-- but not all. While we develop our arsenal, we will threaten, posture, and patiently wait. But like your president Reagan, Bush will not feminize. We will wait until he is gone. In the meantime, we will also watch as your Democrats and RINO Republicans complain and pout. The American people will soon begin to close their ears as though fingernails are screeching on a blackboard. We in Iran have an old saying, 'It is better to have your head stuck up a camel's behind than to sit and listen to a constantly bitching woman.' Hee, hee... The European and American Liberals make the even crabbiest Iranian women appear thoroughly tamed by comparison. I can barely stand listening to your statesmen for two minutes on Al Jazeera. I must cover my head with pillows from the incessant whining and yet wet myself from laughing so hard. It is quite fun watching Western testicles shrink. Bush will be gone soon and we will be ready. Death to Whimpering America!"

As we left the restaurant, Linda quickly checked for the Taurus in her purse, while I checked the clip in my Ruger.

"Are there any candidates out there with any courage?" Linda asked me.

I could only shrug my shoulders.