Saturday, June 17, 2006

The Era of GM

My crack staff and I have just finished another extensive research project. With 96% of precincts reporting we are prepared to declare a conclusion.

This project concerned cultural mental heath changes within our society over the past 25 years and the methods used to self-medicate the acquired difficulties. Keep in mind that we did not attempt to discern 'root causes', but only the means used to assuage the disorientation.

During the last 25 years, mental health professionals have reported an exponential increase in patients complaining of mental disturbances of various sorts; depression, obsessive/compulsive disorder, paranoia, and several types of conditions resembling post-traumatic stress. Interestingly, these patients were identified as a ratio of 17:1, liberals to conservatives.

Data gathered from the early '80's through the latter '90's showed that patients used alcohol and recreational drugs to alleviate their distress. As one millenium gave way to the next the mental derangements increased greatly. Along with the major increase in numbers of sufferers came new medication usage alongside the alcohol and street drugs. Sales for products promising penile enhancement skyrocketed and the pharmaceutical companies could not keep up with the demand for erectile dysfuction miracles. And herpes is still a hassle.

Study conclusion: We have been able to officially identify the last 25 years in our culture as 'The Era of the Girlie-Man'.

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